View Full Version : Online Relationships

09-07-2012, 10:43 AM
Is there still anyone who hasnt met up IRL with people you've got to know online in this day and age??

I met quiet a few 'bloggers' thru woebot back in pre-dissensus days, and have gone out of my way to connect or one or two folks from here who seemed on my wavelength since

Quite often I've met up with people i have been in contact with online through my job, though this doesn't seem remarkable at all, why is there not that stigma/dissonance in the work context?

I've also had an engaging ongoing relationship with a west african comment box spammer i met via a blog years ago, we chat on the phone, he sends photos of bullion and i offer to set him up with a visa, we get on! This has been over several years and across continents (tho i vaguely suspect that my details may have been passed on from Senegal to Dubai and Mali)

facebook obv is a big muddle of complex interpersonal relationships, as is online dating i guess? online 'communities' seem much less the thing these days....

your observations, experiences, anecdotes?

09-07-2012, 10:44 AM
o yes, to put it another way, this:

But perhaps even more interesting than all of this: How many ghost relationships do you have? I am drawn to them and like to ask people about theirs. Chat rooms? What are they, and what do they mean? Is it the Internet or something else? Subway eyes. People youíve only met through email, or Facebook or Twitter? Authors youíve read whom you may very well love, and I mean actually love, even though theyíre dead? People whoíve commented on something youíve done having never seen your face? People from afar whoíve changed your life? A customer service rep who somehow made your day, a random H.R. person who ruined your year? Even that lady on the On Star commercials ó have you ever thought about her?

Our lives are filled up with these people; they often play a role in our pivot points. For the last few years Iíve felt some kind of warm benevolence whenever Iíve come across Janet Maslinís name, grateful to her for her enthusiasm and generosity, for her choice to read my book and tell her readers about it. Iíve never met her and I doubt I ever will, but Iíll just say it like this and move on: She was a ghost friend of mine. from this: http://www.salon.com/2012/07/05/thank_you_for_killing_my_novel/

09-07-2012, 01:42 PM
I think it's kind've a skewed perspective to think of, or call, people you've never met 'ghosts'. I wouldnt think of, say, a penpal, as a ghost relationship and it makes me a bit worried for the author in question.

I've been having an online relationship - both in text and on the phone - for about 12 years now. Never intend to meet them in person. Dont even know what they look like. It's great.

09-07-2012, 03:05 PM
maybe they mean "ghost" to represent someone you follow online but never actually interact with. you get a sense of their personality and what they like/dislike based on their reviews/writing/blog posts, but it's all one way. you never engage them in dialogue and they never know you exist. unlike with an online pen pal.

Local Authority
12-07-2012, 11:38 AM
Doesn't anyone find it, slightly scary?

13-07-2012, 08:16 AM
Doesn't anyone find it, slightly scary?

Not really. I used to get mild paranoia but that's disspiated now. What do you find scary about the idea?

Local Authority
27-07-2012, 10:57 PM
I just find something about the internet and the ability to converse with people never met, cold. Which is what I find scary.

29-07-2012, 05:01 PM
relatedly, recently heard a zizek talk in which he likened online dating to traditional arranged marriage, which i thought was OTM in many respects.

before "chemistry" or "passion" or anything else there are the check boxes:

family background, job, income bracket, food / entertainment preferences, hobbies, etc.

which takes the factor of risk, which he argues is the central idea behind "*falling* in love", completely out of the process of finding a mate.

internalized super ego injunctions...

29-07-2012, 05:03 PM
personally i've met very many people from the internet (did online dating for a short while a long time ago as well) and have been approached by many more who know about me from the net... never had a single bad experience.

29-07-2012, 10:50 PM
Meeting people from the internet always makes me realise how much voices matter. People almost always sound different from what I imagined.

slim jenkins
07-10-2012, 03:20 PM
I've met a few good people through online relationships.
Even ended up with my current job through one.
On the whole it's easier (for most people) to create a 'cool' persona via written word and inevitably they are different in the flesh...they are, surprisingly, human, with all that that entails.