Woebot
Well-known member
...weeeeeeel, except I'm not because I don't smoke weed.
In case you're interested I haven't smoked marijuana or tobacco for nearly 10 years (since October 18th 1996). I also haven't drunk any Tea or Coffee. My weakness is the occasional beer, I'd reckon it averages at about one pint a week, with a binge about 3 times a year.
But I caught your attention right!
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I am a father however. Being a father is exceptionally hard work if you want to do it properly. I loved my Dad very much, and I miss him enormously, but he came from a stiff Upper-class tradition of rearing children. I was bought up by nannies and sent away to boarding school aged 7. Therefore bringing up my own children, something I approach on principle as something which I *have* to do properly if I'm not going to pass on the the wreck of my family's trauma onto another generation, doesn't come at all naturally to me. I have to really work at it, but over the past five years I've learnt a huge amount from my wife (who is a most devoted mother) and have grown exceptionally close to my babies.
What do I mean by work? Well for the past five years I am usually woken around five in the morning and handed my youngest child who I look after for anything up to 3 hours, though usually between an hour and a half to two hours. This is to give my wife a well-earned rest from her nights travails. Children don't just sleep automatically. In my experience people who tell you their children "just sleep" are liars or believe in ignoring the child cries at night. Obviously there are genuine exceptions to this rule, but for instance when my mother tells me I "just slept" as a child I roll my eyes.
Then, before getting the children up and dressed, which can take anything up to an hour, I will cook my son risotto for his lunch and tea. My little boy likes wild mushroom risotto! I know it's insane. But I chop onions and bacon and make him this every day. I also have to make my daughter's lunch for nursery. For the past year and half this has been Pesto Pasta, though recently we have weaned her onto ham sandwiches. I then usually rush off to work while my wife takes my little girl to nursery. Despite the fact that every other parent will leave their child there untill 3.30pm, some mothers palming their children off onto daycare workers or other mothers until 6pm, my wife insists on collecting my girl at 1.30pm, as she believes otherwise her day would be too long, and she would be worn out.
Obviously my life would be considerably less stressful if we had another income, if my wife was working. Fortunately because I bought the house where I live for a song ten years ago our mortgage isnt too crippling and we can afford to have her concentrate on looking after the children, something which she does extremely actively. Every day without fail she will take them somewhere, parks, community music projects, to the swimming pool, the zoo, the aquarium, (yearly passes rule). She cooks them both tea every day at 4.30pm on the dot. Of course my wife could go to work and hire childcare like many mothers do, some by choice (gotta be a partner etc), others through necessity, but childcare is expensive....
When I get home from work at 7pm we then have the chore of bathing them and putting them to bed. I read to my little boy and she settles my daughter then she will settle him to sleep. At the end of the day this is an exhausting adjunct. It's fun, but it's one of those things that's only fun while you're doing it (ie something you can dread or try to shirk) We'll usually have about an hour to ourselves (I sometimes stay up later desperate to get some time for my own projects) before collapsing with sheer exhaustion.
I love my children to bits, but ensuring they are happy and properly cared-for (no mention of the perpetual curve-ball of sickness, children are always sick) is an enormous sacrifice, one which you only undertake out of love. Love, that's no trivial emotion that can be ridiculed. Unlike other commentators, my problem with parents is not that they deign to soil the planet with their children, but that they fail to look after their children properly. As far as I'm concerned that is *the only* issue. It's a task I worry myself about failing at constantly, but sure as night turns into day a loved and well-looked after child will grow into a happy, well-balanced and loving adult not prey to mental illness, emotional dysfunctionality and violence. And money or class has nothing whatsoever to do it, as the only measure of this is the time and energy you're capable of providing. Many Mum's I know have to (or choose to) work for instance, are single, and still manage to bring up the children well. My wife's mother worked and she was an exceptionally caring mother.
I strongly believe that people who criticise parents qua parents are missing the boat entirely. They confuse the social mores of middle-england and Sunday paper lifestyle culture (when have I ever had the time to read a Sunday paper?!?!?) for the a "culture of parenthood" There is no such thing as culture of parenthhod. People who criticise parents just for being parents are mean-sprited bigots who don't have the slightest clue about which they talking. Certainly they'd never have the mettle or infinite patience to bring up children themselves (and no I'm not talking about looking after their cute nephews for half an hour). Sometimes they seem to convince themselves (sighs) that people believe they have the god-given right to bear children, I don't know where this illusory belief materialises from, almost certainly paranoid fantasies of exclusion. Certainly they seem to theorise from a position of their own non-existence. Were they not children themselves once?
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To return to my original point, no I don't take drugs. Actually I think I'd struggle to do a proper job as a father if i did. But then I don't have the constitution (am weedy) to manage it while I know some do. Actually I'm envious of those people who manage to enjoy a casual spliff while still bringing up children, though (I'll have to be honest) when it comes to anything stronger I start getting sceptical.
In case you're interested I haven't smoked marijuana or tobacco for nearly 10 years (since October 18th 1996). I also haven't drunk any Tea or Coffee. My weakness is the occasional beer, I'd reckon it averages at about one pint a week, with a binge about 3 times a year.
But I caught your attention right!
-
I am a father however. Being a father is exceptionally hard work if you want to do it properly. I loved my Dad very much, and I miss him enormously, but he came from a stiff Upper-class tradition of rearing children. I was bought up by nannies and sent away to boarding school aged 7. Therefore bringing up my own children, something I approach on principle as something which I *have* to do properly if I'm not going to pass on the the wreck of my family's trauma onto another generation, doesn't come at all naturally to me. I have to really work at it, but over the past five years I've learnt a huge amount from my wife (who is a most devoted mother) and have grown exceptionally close to my babies.
What do I mean by work? Well for the past five years I am usually woken around five in the morning and handed my youngest child who I look after for anything up to 3 hours, though usually between an hour and a half to two hours. This is to give my wife a well-earned rest from her nights travails. Children don't just sleep automatically. In my experience people who tell you their children "just sleep" are liars or believe in ignoring the child cries at night. Obviously there are genuine exceptions to this rule, but for instance when my mother tells me I "just slept" as a child I roll my eyes.
Then, before getting the children up and dressed, which can take anything up to an hour, I will cook my son risotto for his lunch and tea. My little boy likes wild mushroom risotto! I know it's insane. But I chop onions and bacon and make him this every day. I also have to make my daughter's lunch for nursery. For the past year and half this has been Pesto Pasta, though recently we have weaned her onto ham sandwiches. I then usually rush off to work while my wife takes my little girl to nursery. Despite the fact that every other parent will leave their child there untill 3.30pm, some mothers palming their children off onto daycare workers or other mothers until 6pm, my wife insists on collecting my girl at 1.30pm, as she believes otherwise her day would be too long, and she would be worn out.
Obviously my life would be considerably less stressful if we had another income, if my wife was working. Fortunately because I bought the house where I live for a song ten years ago our mortgage isnt too crippling and we can afford to have her concentrate on looking after the children, something which she does extremely actively. Every day without fail she will take them somewhere, parks, community music projects, to the swimming pool, the zoo, the aquarium, (yearly passes rule). She cooks them both tea every day at 4.30pm on the dot. Of course my wife could go to work and hire childcare like many mothers do, some by choice (gotta be a partner etc), others through necessity, but childcare is expensive....
When I get home from work at 7pm we then have the chore of bathing them and putting them to bed. I read to my little boy and she settles my daughter then she will settle him to sleep. At the end of the day this is an exhausting adjunct. It's fun, but it's one of those things that's only fun while you're doing it (ie something you can dread or try to shirk) We'll usually have about an hour to ourselves (I sometimes stay up later desperate to get some time for my own projects) before collapsing with sheer exhaustion.
I love my children to bits, but ensuring they are happy and properly cared-for (no mention of the perpetual curve-ball of sickness, children are always sick) is an enormous sacrifice, one which you only undertake out of love. Love, that's no trivial emotion that can be ridiculed. Unlike other commentators, my problem with parents is not that they deign to soil the planet with their children, but that they fail to look after their children properly. As far as I'm concerned that is *the only* issue. It's a task I worry myself about failing at constantly, but sure as night turns into day a loved and well-looked after child will grow into a happy, well-balanced and loving adult not prey to mental illness, emotional dysfunctionality and violence. And money or class has nothing whatsoever to do it, as the only measure of this is the time and energy you're capable of providing. Many Mum's I know have to (or choose to) work for instance, are single, and still manage to bring up the children well. My wife's mother worked and she was an exceptionally caring mother.
I strongly believe that people who criticise parents qua parents are missing the boat entirely. They confuse the social mores of middle-england and Sunday paper lifestyle culture (when have I ever had the time to read a Sunday paper?!?!?) for the a "culture of parenthood" There is no such thing as culture of parenthhod. People who criticise parents just for being parents are mean-sprited bigots who don't have the slightest clue about which they talking. Certainly they'd never have the mettle or infinite patience to bring up children themselves (and no I'm not talking about looking after their cute nephews for half an hour). Sometimes they seem to convince themselves (sighs) that people believe they have the god-given right to bear children, I don't know where this illusory belief materialises from, almost certainly paranoid fantasies of exclusion. Certainly they seem to theorise from a position of their own non-existence. Were they not children themselves once?
-
To return to my original point, no I don't take drugs. Actually I think I'd struggle to do a proper job as a father if i did. But then I don't have the constitution (am weedy) to manage it while I know some do. Actually I'm envious of those people who manage to enjoy a casual spliff while still bringing up children, though (I'll have to be honest) when it comes to anything stronger I start getting sceptical.