Bands that don't exist, but should.

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I don't know about you, but I think an important thing for a band is to have a good name. For example, I think a lot of industrial/EBM bands have great names - Throbbing Gristle, Tackhead, Nitzer Ebb (maybe not Velvet Acid Christ!). Anyway, here are some bands that don't exist, but should, and what they might sound like:

The Sludge - psychobilly/Misfits-y horror-punk
Life Without Light - slightly gothy, slightly pretentious art-rock
Daddy's Little Princess - shouty, bratty, girly punk
Cold Dark Matter - slick, nasty, heavy industrial/electronica - think recent Front 242 without the vocals crossed with Autechre at their most 'splattery'
Peter And The Parasites - punk/new wave wearing its '50s rock-n-roll influences on its sleeve

Oh, and Sonic Energy Authority - this one's from a book by Robert Rankin but I've always thought it was a great name. To me they're sort of dance-rock, perhaps a bit 'baggy' but more hardcore: think Pop Will Eat Itself with shades of 'Breathe'-era Prodigy.

Anyone be arsed to think of any more? And if you're in/have been in a band, what are/were you called?

Edit: I FORGOT MY FAVOURITE ONE! Anucide - a comically (but unironically) shit death metal/grindcore band. :)
 
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swears

preppy-kei
I'd like to see a 2007 equivelent of Cupid and Psyche era Scritti. All sharp suits, cooing vocals and glossy laptop beats. And no live back up when they gig!

They'd be called: Service, and have an album called Surface.
 
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henry s

Street Fighting Man
I can recall Kodwo Eshun waxing on in The Wire many, many years ago about how awesome it would be to have a black rock band that would combine the sensitivity of The Smiths, the sonic innovations of AR Kane, and hip hop beats...and they would be called...

(wait for it)

Black Assassin Saint

now, nobody would deny that a band of that nature would be righteous indeed...but with a name like that, it'd be a one-way trip to bargain bin city...

(he mentioned this in the context of a Dr. Phibes & The House Of Wax Equations review...now there's a name for you!)
 

henry s

Street Fighting Man
I'd like to see a 2007 equivelent of Cupid and Psyche era Scritti. All sharp suits, cooing vocals and glossy laptop beats. And no live back up when they gig!

that's basically Junior Boys, if they'd just dress the part...
 

swears

preppy-kei
that's basically Junior Boys, if they'd just dress the part...

As much as I like them, they're not quite there...they would really need to wail more, loosen up a bit. I couldn't imagine they doing something quite as sickly-sweet as Hypnotise. And that beard! I mean, really.
 

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
An amalgamation supergroup of Damon Albarn from Blur, Paul Simenon from The Clash, I'd just throw in Tony Allen the drummer to put a curveball into the proceedings and, oh, Simon Tong from Verve never got any writing credits, let's shove him in as well.
I'd call it...The Good, The Bad...and, wait for it, The Queen!!

Topdollarifuwannit.
 

STN

sou'wester
I'd like to see a band called The Hats pop up and start trying to claim they 'invented' punk. There'd be all sorts of creepy fan sites about how they'd been gigging since 1974 and how John Lydon stole everything off them. You'd get really excited about them and then they'd just be shit pub rock.

Or maybe they'd be called The Hat?
 

jenks

thread death
I'd like to see a band called The Hats pop up and start trying to claim they 'invented' punk. There'd be all sorts of creepy fan sites about how they'd been gigging since 1974 and how John Lydon stole everything off them. You'd get really excited about them and then they'd just be shit pub rock.

Or maybe they'd be called The Hat?

Old Hat, surely
 

matt b

Indexing all opinion
An amalgamation supergroup of Damon Albarn from Blur, Paul Simenon from The Clash, I'd just throw in Tony Allen the drummer to put a curveball into the proceedings and, oh, Simon Tong from Verve never got any writing credits, let's shove him in as well.
I'd call it...The Good, The Bad...and, wait for it, The Queen!!

Topdollarifuwannit.

and get 'em sponsored by the bbc. that would be a good idea
 

STN

sou'wester
I've always wanted to see a manowar tribute band called Tugowar. If anyone has the insane level of virtuosity required to play one of manowar's legendary 92-day cymbal solos (often used to evoke the image of a battle between some norse gods) please could you start one?
 

hucks

Your Message Here
The Discordian Popes!

The Discordian Popes was always Black Dog's most underused pseudonym. They had a track on Bytes. Balil, Plaid etc all put records out, but the Discords? Nuttin. They must have surrendered the rights to this by now, surely? All the lapsed Catholics out there must want to be in the Discordian Popes! No? Oh.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
There's always scope for supergoups like Steely Danzig and GG Allindarondstadt.

Some kind of Tool/Helmet/Sex Pistols collaboration could work well here. An entire album of dick jokes...oh wait, the Bloodhound Gang already did that, didn't they?
 

Townley

Member
Lust Faust; a made-up band invented by some artist(s?), as displayed at the ICA a while back.

I saw a two page glossy spread on them in some magazine recently that was touting them as a little-known 'lost classic" act, and I don't think the article was tongue in cheek...!
 

slye

Allied Heights
I can recall Kodwo Eshun waxing on in The Wire many, many years ago about how awesome it would be to have a black rock band that would combine the sensitivity of The Smiths, the sonic innovations of AR Kane, and hip hop beats...and they would be called...

(wait for it)

Black Assassin Saint

now, nobody would deny that a band of that nature would be righteous indeed...but with a name like that, it'd be a one-way trip to bargain bin city...

(he mentioned this in the context of a Dr. Phibes & The House Of Wax Equations review...now there's a name for you!)

Ha this would be too cool:

So what are you listening to these days?
Black Assassin Saint!

Smiths/AR Kane/Hiphop would be an amazing vibe (maybe mix in some Burial/Timbaland as well). Can't tell you how much I would love another band of AR Kane stature. *sigh*

I can picture this disc being so incredibly hard to come by initially, so you'd be forced into an expensive import. The record would be ace of course. Then, it would start to turn up in the bargain bin like you said...
$5.99?!?! But I payed $33 for this! Which always makes me want to buy it again and give it to my cousin or someone because it seems almost rude not to snatch it up. Man, I can't tell you how many times that scenario has played out for me! :rolleyes:
 

martin

----
I'd like to see a ponygirl synthpop trio called Dressage. They'd build up a mountain of hype, about their perverted stage antics and private lives, and generate outraged bigotry from serious indie fans. Eventually, a single would come out, it'd just be some old electronic B-side instrumental with the three girls singing badly over the top. Then Dressage would disband and announce that they were actually men.


Either that or a Young Conservative rock group, called Common Cause. They'd play benefit gigs for BUPA and farmers who lost cash after the Foot & Mouth crisis. David Cameron would denounce them as 'extremists', but they'd build up this loyal following with singles like "Not a single penny for single mums".
 

mms

sometimes
I'd like to see a ponygirl synthpop trio called Dressage. They'd build up a mountain of hype, about their perverted stage antics and private lives, and generate outraged bigotry from serious indie fans. Eventually, a single would come out, it'd just be some old electronic B-side instrumental with the three girls singing badly over the top. Then Dressage would disband and announce that they were actually men.


Either that or a Young Conservative rock group, called Common Cause. They'd play benefit gigs for BUPA and farmers who lost cash after the Foot & Mouth crisis. David Cameron would denounce them as 'extremists', but they'd build up this loyal following with singles like "Not a single penny for single mums".

that sounds good, they could all be trainee accountants, tracks could breakdown on smug sneers instead of drum breaks.

do you know this band?

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=36698353

amusing, gay oi played by city middle managers.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Pfft, I like 'Common Cause'. How about a Norwegian 'white metal' band called Emmanuel or something? They could burn copies of the Satanic Bible, write lyrics about Old Testament prophets, that sort of thing.

My imaginary DJ name is Ivy Mike, I think: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivy_mike

I saw Methodist Centre last year, didn't think they were that good. It seemed a waste of two drummers to have them playing exactly the same rhythm! The fact that they're city middle-management makes them a lot cooler than I thought they were, though.

Didn't Jonathon Aitken's daughter try to launch a rap career a couple of years ago?
 
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