Step up all Rhyme Contenders!

Woebot

Well-known member
Voiceover: Down at the Dissensus headquarters the time is zero three hundred hours East London based. The year two thousand and five (a wolf howls) "Aw Oh Oooh"

Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"


Private: "WOEBOT"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "London, EC1."

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"


Private: "Vinyl Junkies around the world..."

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"


Private: "I'll be doing my level best."

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"


Private: "I can't promise wonders."

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."


Private: "It's me Oily Muscles striking the gong,
Though this thread may never catch on...
Is it a riddle or a song?
More like a joke that can only go wrong!

You think you can do better?
Then post your rhyme like a digital letter.
Step to the keyboard and make like Norman Mailer,
Hubert Selby Junior, or Richard Meltzer.

You can't test me!
You don't know 'bout Vanity 3.
Ennio Morricone doesn't run a deli!
I'm toting more Jazz Funk than the Blissed Out MC.

Your blog done froze.
Keep on your toes, you need to work on your prose,
Sharpen up on your Zizek and Spinoz,
Pack more ice in your Cold Rational flows."

{The Drill: Delete the stuff in white and blue. Here's a snippet of the 'riginal model The Essentials "Headquarters" to set your head straight}
 

bun-u

Trumpet Police
Ok, seeing as noone is stepping forward with this, and that I’m in work-avoidance mode, here goes….

Voiceover: Down at the Dissensus headquarters the time is zero three hundred hours East London based. The year two thousand and five (a wolf howls) "Aw Oh Oooh"

Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"

Private: "bun-u"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "London, E3."

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"

Private: "blogless nomads around the world..."

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"

Private: "eh? erm… yes, you betcha sir"

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"

Private: "are you deaf?"

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."


Woebot, suck your bum
I bet you still live with y’mum
Bun-u and y’whole crew
I’m on dissensus to slew you

You don’t wanna bring luka
I’ll bring luka round your mum’s house
And you don’t wanna bring k-punk
Bring k-punk, you get some crunk

(enough!! No more)
 

Diggedy Derek

Stray Dog
Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"

Private: "Diggedy Derek"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "Notting Hill, although, I live in Harringay- er let's say Notting Hill"

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"

Private: "armchair grime fans"

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"

Private: "mmmmm"

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"

Private: "Hey, I'm doing this for free"

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."


I'm not on the road I hold it down in the office
I count those profits- Diggedy D, I keep score
Like D Double and Dizzee I give you more,
Making the C-R-E, A-M, and also in the P.M.
We close at eight, and we open at ten.
When the M.V.E. are here, get your beers and prepare
For bare muso talk in your ears

Woebot's on ice just like an Eskimo
K-Punk's cold, there's no father to his flow
Silverdollar dropping bombs just like Kano
If you don't know blissblog better get to know

[waits for rewind nervously]
 

hint

party record with a siren
[ Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"[/color]

Private: "hint aka mc rock island lion"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "err... let's pretend I come from southwark or something"

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"


Private: "jesus"

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"


Private: "like a dodgy kebab, sir"

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"


Private: "like a paperweight sir!"

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."


Private:

keystyle


you think you're big on the buttons with all that bloggin
but hear my bars and get moody like the family scroggins
I'm ESG - I Eat and Sleep Grime
you're RIP - all you spit is weak lines
mess with me - you swim with fish in deep brine
I'm burining hot - like a stack of burnt pine
but you don't even smoke - like that track by deekline

*shouts the rest into the mic so loud no-one can make out what he's saying anyway, so it doesn't matter*
 

mpc

wasteman
Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"

Private: "mpc"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "me local community centre (every tuesday evening)"

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"

Private: "wormsley care centre in the area"

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"

Private: "yeah, like a small disabled worm"

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"

Private: "don't make me toolz you"

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."

Private:

Hey yo. Liissten. It’s M.P.C.: The blog controller
Hold tight my younger 7 year glitch man dems
Hold tight jack. Hold tight simon.
Hold tight the plodstep massive. OK…

It’s mpc cee, gonna merk other blogs with glee glee
Gonna surf for the free Mp3s 3s
Ha ha I’m just gonna kill all the waste men bloggers
(Awkward silence)

Woebot, you’re nipsy. You’re pon road regular like a gypsy
I’m only this sycophantic when I’m tipsy.
So remember, I’m biggle, you’re frowsy.
Yeah, you’re frowsy…listen…

If man don’t know favela funk: shoot him
If man don’t know bout schaffel scene : shoot him
If man not feeling dubstep shoot him shoot him shoot him shoot him
BRAP BRAP BRAP….Don’t watch no face. Pull this one up. Pull this one up now or I’m gonna tell me mum.
 
S

simon silverdollar

Guest
HA HA THIS IS FUN!

--------------



Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"

Private: simon silver dollar aka kid serious aka Stern Child

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private:south london, clapham

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"

Private: everyone

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"

Private: Yes, i will.

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"

Private: Yes, i promise

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen.

"big up my man dem john and jak, bloggerz for life, believe.
shouts to my gyal Lady Titch, everytime,

it's silverdollar, ain't no one more middle class,
northern like somedisco, so it rhymes with ass,
kiss it, don't smoke hi-grade, don't smoke grass,
writing my bars, keep my head clear like glass,
'cept when i met roll deep, drunk and smashed...

get yr gyal blissed like simon r,
known everywhere like luka, near and far,
soon come like k-punk, writing thesis bars,
ingram retired, bwoy, i'm the next superstar
shouts to Dogs Day, goin streatham Lidl in his car,
stelfox and soca, never had such a larf,
never forget the frodsham massive but i've moved dahn sarf,
silver dollar goin on ill like i got SARS,

s-d-c, s-d-c!
dem soundboy dem know we!
s-d-c, s-d-c!
dem soundboy dem know we!
 
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nomos

Administrator
Voiceover: Down at the Dissensus headquarters the time is zero three hundred hours East London based. The year two thousand and five (a wolf howls) "Aw Oh Oooh"

Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"


Private: "Autonomic"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "The O-dot. K1R, Brap!"

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"


Private: "Uh, Ottawa, the O-dot, like I said."

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"


Private: "I am feeling pretty queasy"

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"


Private: "*burp*"

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."


Private:
Alright then. Yeah! [shouts]
Yo it's a Dissensus ting. Everytime.
ILM?... Ha! Ya dunno.
Autononomic fi bum dem any day. Man a bu... What? I thought it meant...

OK. Anyway [echo] First I read the blissblogger
Fink that I could be a good blogger
Caught the bandwagon over at Blogger
Autono mp3s clogging up Blogger

Plenty downloads, you nah leave comment
Why d'you think I do this? Blud, I'm here to make friends
Bandwidth slewn. Payment's due.
Talkin' bout face. If yr there, where are you?

But easy all the blog dem who rep in my endz
Ghetto, Gutter, Marc and the links bar dem
I'm runnin' out of bars and I've really got to run
Keep it locked on the D and I'll see you at your mum's

BRAP!
 

luka

Well-known member
Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"

Private: big bobby bisto

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: straight out of stratty

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"

Private: the carpark crew

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"

Private: like a gorilla in a cage

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"

Private: like a orangatang in a pit

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."

i'm a big oranagatangle
nangle like a scented candle
ramble like a man in socks and sandles,
your mum smokes rocks like babyshambles
tangle and get deceased like hopkirk and randall
merked and mangled, hurt and strangled like a prisoner's wangle
scarred like riko daniel, cos you chat cant like immanuel
long like the ears on a spaniel, so you're dogeared like a old beano annual
go to the dogs and gamble and get robbed by luka vandrle
shoot and stab you, boot and slap you, nueter your spaniel
tutor your son nathaniel
becasue he needs some extra help for his A-level maths if he wants to get into that accountancy course at LSE, get me blud
 

jack

Well-known member
Sergeant Major: "State your name soldier"

Private: "Jack"

Sergeant Major: "State your Location."

Private: "Kennington"

Sergeant Major: "Who you reppin'?"

Private: "Black Prince Rd First XI Youngers"

Sergeant Major: "Are you gonna hold it down?"

Private: "sorry?"

Sergeant Major: (more insistent) "I said are you gonna hold it down?!"

Private: "you'll really have to speak up, my left's not what it used to be"

Sergeant Major: "Enough talking, drop and give me sixteen."

Private:
hold tight the 280, hold tight the 707. your large
this ain't no long thing

yo

dripping the deep flows
dropping the tight prose
drapping the...fuck knows
drap ain't a verb, no
i riff like the black crows
get pissed up on strongbows
sting like a burnt nose
yo, check cos here goes...

jack,
i was big in the summer
your blog's a fiesta
mine was a hummer,
my flows are risky
like sex without protection
test me, get merked
in your comments section.

i'm the lyrical shane warne
with talent i was born
spitting googlies at your wicket
i'm not just lukewarm
i'll bowl you round your legs
i'll smash you like you're eggs
mechanically seperate your body
and make sausage rolls like Greggs

[Intrusive mixtape ident obscures lyrics]
 

machine hugger

(())(())((+))(())(())
Y'all merky like Clivilles & Coles, euro vocal trance and stinkin' Mary Poppins
Dang uppin Endz yo be sinkin, catchin the bends, and sinkin'. represent out to all ace bloggaz spread out yonda
you ain't no septic 3-legged carnival 1/2 a thought freaks
flickin da quickz fast fingas pushing words to da readaz
I seen the damaj of blog trainwrecks
keppin flowin'- brain juice blowin'....




fuggit....I was never meant for the military. I quit. ;)
 

Melmoth

Bruxist
Lightweights, your rhymes are fake
Your lifestyle’s straight
Your girls want me to procreate
I’ll thief the vinyl from your crates
Going bald so you shave your pates
Elegant specs make you look desperate.
When I’m done you’ll need elastoplasty
Across your nose like a rhinoplasty
Blaze weed I feel dead nasty
Coming up like Ecstasy.
I got Beef, I got whiskey
You got salad and a glass of Chablis.
The Day of Reckoning. Soon come.
Before you get your tax returns done.
Before the setting of the sun
You’ll be Nil by Mouth like fat Ray Winston.
 
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