Squirrells are the new rats

Woebot

Well-known member
OK so everyone knows this but its true. Certainly round where i live in London we're swarming with squirrells.

Oh look theres a squirrel dragging a discarded Mcdonalds box across the road.
Oh look theres one waiting for me as i open the front door.
Oh look theres one urinating in the back yard
Oh look theres one climbing the Virginia Creeper
Oh look theres one scaling the wire mesh around the football pitch
Oh look theres two

acting in my capacity as local green guerilla (planting trees in the councils abandoned flower beds) i planted a lelandea bush which flowers in february. and if the fucking cunt squirrell isnt eating its blooms. and theres so bloody cocky! i walked right up to the bastard and took a photo of him and he was infuriatingly nonchalant.....
 

Rambler

Awanturnik
Years ago I heard a rumour that in some parts of the country, if you kill a grey squirrel and take its pelt to your local police station, they'll give you a fiver. That's got to be rubbish, surely?
 

rewch

Well-known member
s'true... it's how i made so much money... you can also take them to st. john, but they only take organic ones & you get a fiver for a dozen of the creets
 

Gerard

Well-known member
There were corners of Battersea Park so infested with squirrels they had begun to feel like no-go zones. Nasty.
 

Gerard

Well-known member
..now that I work in the countryside it seems quite reasonable to keep a gun in the office and shoot at the Squirrels that are munching our cabling.
 

originaldrum

from start till done
i used to like feeding them bread from when i was round your "ends",

then i realised they were like any other tyre of "ratty" type pest, like koalas or kangaroos,

kinda cute if your not from round there, but if you are...
 

Karl Kraft

Well-known member
I remember reading that squirrells in many urban areas have become addicted to nicotine from eating fag butts, this led to much bolder, more agressive behaviour (that explains alot). In some parks the squirrells had become so agressive they were attacking smokers before they discard thier cigarette!
 

worrior

Well-known member
Having a serious problem with a squirrel aka the grey devil eating bulbs and causing all-told mess on our South London balcony on a daily basis.

Does anyone have any top tips on how to get rid of them short of getting a gun?
 

martin

----
Rambler said:
Years ago I heard a rumour that in some parts of the country, if you kill a grey squirrel and take its pelt to your local police station, they'll give you a fiver. That's got to be rubbish, surely?

No, it's true, they use it for the helmet material - hence 'The Fuzz'

I can't remember where I saw it, but there was some programme on years ago featuring 'squirrel fishing', two blokes sitting in trees with nuts on the end of fishing rods, scooping up squirrels and dangling them around
 

sufi

lala
shame!

1047213826_rrel_drunk.jpg
 

Freakaholic

not just an addiction
i dunno about London, but where I grew up (Indiana) we had mostly BROWN squirrels. Then, as I got older, I saw more and more GREY squirrels. There were bigger and pushier for sure. So I got to believing that the grey squirrels were pushing the brown squirrels out.

Now in Chicago, these damn grey buggers, in certain neighborhoods, are exactly like rats. Only more socially acceptable since theyre a bit cuter than rats. I still want to sit outside my backdoor and pick em off with a BB gun in the alley.
 

DigitalDjigit

Honky Tonk Woman
In Russia the squirrels are bright orange.

Here in Maryland I only see grey squirrels. Except one time I saw a jet black one. I remember reading somewhere that the black ones are more aggressive than the grey and are forcing them out. Squirrels are hardy little critters. Just like rats they will no go away anytime soon.
 

dogger

Sweet Virginia
speaking of black squirrels - did anyone see this article on the vicious little bastards?

and speaking of crack squirrels - in the east london rag a few weeks back the front page was devoted to a rumour that squirrels were digging up rocks of crack and munching them. ludicrous, clearly, but not as ludicrous as the mocked-up photo accompanying the story, which bore the caption: "this is what a squirrel might look like, nibbling on a rock of crack".

i shit you not!
 

Woebot

Well-known member
emptying the shopping out of the boot (always a bit of a nerve-wracker where i live) and went onto the street to find a squirrel emerging from the back of the car.
 

domtyler

Teasmaid
A cautionary tale

A while ago I was walking down towards Victoria station beside the high wall that (I think) marks the perimiter of HRH the Queen's back garden and I saw a sad sight. A squirrel had fallen from the wall (possibly due to narcotic over-exposure (which might explain if not excuse his/her subsequent behaviour)) and was shivering with fear (withdrawl?) on the pavement, facing iminent death at the wheels of the heavy traffic and with no way back to its royal appartments. I am a country boy at heart and I saw in the doe-eyed rodent a fellow nature-lover in distress so I felt compelled to stop and try to help. Some of you will already know what happened next...

I was sensible enough to anticipate the possiblity of my friendly attentions being misinterpreted so I tried to wrap the squirrel in my beanie but it quickly struggled free and pissed on me. Undeterred, I began to lift the squirming bundle of claws and teeth to the top of the wall, at which point it bit me hard on the fleshy part of my thumb. I dropped it, more from shock than pain (it was only a nibble actually, the big guns came out next) and immediately felt guilty enough to try again. The second time around I was more definite in my actions, and so was the squirrel. I'd got it to about a foot from the top of the wall when it freed itself from my loving but firm grip and bit first one index finger (through the nail mind you!!) and then the next, and then (making it seem like it had escaped to victory) it jumped to the top of the wall and looked at me, sternly, before disappearing. I was now bleeding from neat punctures in both fingers and the only way I could stop the flow was to press my fingers and thumbs together in a pose resembling a buddhist monk in meditation. Which is very much not the state of mind I was in.

The lady in Boots was very helpful.
 
Top