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zhao
30-07-2008, 06:26 PM
on CNN, the slight video time delay of the foreign correspondent on location in the little window -- after they've been asked a question it's always a blank stare for a second or 2... sometimes they look like they are silently judging the anchor and the question, sometimes they just look retarded.

EDIT 5 years later: more than likely i was very high at the time of posting lol

swears
31-07-2008, 02:22 PM
Just received an empty envelope from one of our contractors. Usually they forget to bill us on time at all, so this is a step up.

3 Body No Problem
31-07-2008, 11:20 PM
Being billed £0.00.

Latest culprit: Chelsea & Kensington council!

zhao
31-07-2008, 11:52 PM
Just received an empty envelope from one of one contractors. Usually they forget to bill us on time at all, so this is a step up.

http://www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/data/500/70.jpg

Mr. Tea
01-08-2008, 02:26 PM
'This page is blank' on exam papers. :rolleyes:

sufi
01-08-2008, 08:08 PM
http://www.yell.com/ucs/UcsSearchAction.do?ssm=0&scrambleSeed=76390192&keywords=boring&companyName=&location=&M=0&x=0&y=0 R :eek:

Martin Dust
05-08-2008, 12:41 PM
Sometime when I'm driving to the studio I see "Singing Girl". Blonde, 20ish and singing away behind the wheel of her car without a care in the world. It makes me chuckle and restores my faith in people for about 2 minutes.

john eden
15-08-2008, 04:48 PM
Finding out that a colleague irons her towels at home.

Admirably barking.

noel emits
15-08-2008, 05:04 PM
Where is she supposed to iron her towels? Down the pub?

Benny B
15-08-2008, 08:23 PM
The royal mail losing my fucking records. Grrr...

Mr. Tea
15-08-2008, 09:24 PM
The royal mail losing my fucking records. Grrr...

Haha, yeah, that cracks me up, that does. ;)

STN
15-08-2008, 10:54 PM
I always laugh when I see horses wearing those little coats.

STN
15-08-2008, 10:55 PM
Also, I like seeing headlines about Prince Charles (e.g., 'Prince in GM Crop Row') and imagining they're about Prince.

mms
15-08-2008, 11:44 PM
the idea of a television programme in which 80's supergroup the Nottinghill billies have to find and chase the 80's supergroup the travelling willburys out of nottinghill.
Get off my land with your past it drinking buddy supergroup

Benny B
16-08-2008, 11:18 AM
The royal mail losing my fucking records. Grrr...

oops wrong thread, obviously...

Mr. Tea
16-08-2008, 02:48 PM
I always laugh when I see horses wearing those little coats.

Horses are generally quite big though, aren't they? Compared to people, I mean.

Though I guess the coats are quite small compared to the overall horse.

Mr. Tea
20-08-2008, 08:42 PM
Left-handed tourists on the tube opening the wrong ticket gate with their Oyster. :D

mistersloane
20-08-2008, 09:45 PM
Left-handed tourists on the tube opening the wrong ticket gate with their Oyster. :D

Don't, I was so hungover the other morning that I kept putting my Oyster card through the bit where you're meant to put paper tickets instead of beeping the Oyster on the top bit, and eventually I called out to the guy and the LT guy came over and showed me how to 'work' the Oyster properly. "No, see mate, you do it like this" *beep*. I was sooooo embarrassed.

Mr. Tea
20-08-2008, 11:01 PM
Don't, I was so hungover the other morning that I kept putting my Oyster card through the bit where you're meant to put paper tickets instead of beeping the Oyster on the top bit, and eventually I called out to the guy and the LT guy came over and showed me how to 'work' the Oyster properly. "No, see mate, you do it like this" *beep*. I was sooooo embarrassed.

Hahaha, O to tha W to tha N to tha E to tha D!

mos dan
22-08-2008, 04:02 PM
this photo:
http://static.guim.co.uk/Guardian/sport/gallery/2008/aug/13/olympics20081/GD8378948@Ratko-Rudic-(L)-coach-740.jpg

viktorvaughn
22-08-2008, 05:12 PM
Also, I like seeing headlines about Prince Charles (e.g., 'Prince in GM Crop Row') and imagining they're about Prince.

Class, I am definitely going to do that from now on.

mos dan
21-10-2008, 08:16 AM
the tory shadow minister talking excitedly about 'broken britain' on radio 5 is actually called james brokenshire.

what. the. fuck.

have i woken up in a shakespeare play?

dHarry
21-10-2008, 03:42 PM
the tory shadow minister talking excitedly about 'broken britain' on radio 5 is actually called james brokenshire.

what. the. fuck.

have i woken up in a shakespeare play?

or, what. the. fie.

(sorry, I had to get that in before Mr. Tea)

STN
21-10-2008, 04:16 PM
Class, I am definitely going to do that from now on.


Note that it also works with Parliament rejecting measures; you have to imagine Gordon Brown begging George Clinton for stuff and being told 'no' to the sound of a little horn riff.

Sick Boy
21-10-2008, 05:13 PM
A client here at work from the company Therapist's Choice Medical Supplies.

Website: www.therapistschoice.com

:eek:

BareBones
03-11-2008, 06:32 PM
Don't, I was so hungover the other morning that I kept putting my Oyster card through the bit where you're meant to put paper tickets instead of beeping the Oyster on the top bit, and eventually I called out to the guy and the LT guy came over and showed me how to 'work' the Oyster properly. "No, see mate, you do it like this" *beep*. I was sooooo embarrassed.

Too many times than i'd like to admit, i've stumbled half-asleep to my door at work and tried to buzz myself in with my oystercard. I've even tried to get into my own house with it once.

Itchy & Scratchy
05-11-2008, 10:45 PM
An advert at a bus stop that said: "Any graduate can become a lawyer. Come and study at [blah blah blah]".

Shortage of personal injury lawyers perhaps?

john eden
06-11-2008, 09:32 AM
An advert at a bus stop that said: "Any graduate can become a lawyer. Come and study at [blah blah blah]".

Shortage of personal injury lawyers perhaps?

There was an ad on a bus at Liverpool St last night which said: "Prisoner officers. Go further".

Like fuck. :)

mistersloane
06-11-2008, 10:49 AM
There was an ad on a bus at Liverpool St last night which said: "Prisoner officers. Go further".

Like fuck. :)

It'd be a hot T-shirt for a leather daddy though.

Where further are they meant to go? Guantanamo Bay?

swears
06-11-2008, 02:38 PM
Too many times than i'd like to admit, i've stumbled half-asleep to my door at work and tried to buzz myself in with my oystercard. I've even tried to get into my own house with it once.

I'm terrible with stuff like that: showing my work pass to the train guards and vice versa, sometimes when I'm walking into work I'll get my house keys out for a second.

jambo
06-11-2008, 05:54 PM
curses! meant to put that on the chuckling to myself thread.
I shall move it by quoting you there, here.

Ho ho!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2004/apr/29/urbandesign.architecture
Are you chuckling at this 4 years later because there is now supposed to be no money for new houses or because the name Poundbury sounds silly with that unwieldy pairing of consonants in the middle?

Edit - Oh I see, it's the Prince thing isn't it? Doh.

mos dan
06-11-2008, 07:57 PM
Are you chuckling at this 4 years later because there is now supposed to be no money for new houses or because the name Poundbury sounds silly with that unwieldy pairing of consonants in the middle?

Edit - Oh I see, it's the Prince thing isn't it? Doh.

hehe. yeah stn just finds urban planning inherently amusing.

mos dan
20-11-2008, 02:52 PM
Prince: Gay marriage isn't right
http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/nov/20/prince-gay-marriage-opinion

except this time, it's actually the purple one, and it's not very funny. humph.

john eden
21-11-2008, 01:25 PM
The zebra crossing by my work is plagued by retards driving big cars over it at speed for some reason, even when people are waiting to cross.

Just now I stepped out in front of a big silver car and distinctly heard the driver shout "oh fuck!" while he screeched past me.

He drove further down the road and then stopped nicely in front of the next Zebra crossing there...

Bang Diddley
21-11-2008, 01:50 PM
Good work !

Bit like drivers who are way in the distance and dont take thier foot of the gas when I try to cross the road. In fact im sure they speed up when easing off the gas would allow me cross in good time. Sometimes I wish I could turn into a bollard and mash up their stupid car.

STN
21-11-2008, 02:11 PM
The cover design of this book never fails to make me laugh:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Erotica-Drawings-Cocteau-Jean/dp/0720611814/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227276549&sr=1-2

Martin Dust
28-11-2008, 09:09 AM
People who sing in their cars and look like they are having a good time, always makes me chuckle.

Bang Diddley
28-11-2008, 10:12 AM
People who sing in their cars and look like they are having a good time, always makes me chuckle.

Martin, your posting time. Whenever I see 9:09 or 8:08 on a digital clock : )

Martin Dust
28-11-2008, 12:06 PM
I'm waiting for 7 ov 9 to come back to bed :) Nice geekage tho.

faustus
29-11-2008, 05:39 PM
there's a bit on one of the radio 5 'up all night' jingles that sounds like they're about to drop 'the message is love'. wakes me up sometimes...

zhao
01-12-2008, 07:29 AM
picture of a Cock on Cocteau's book of erotic drawings FTW.

that prince article should be in "makes my head hurt" thread surely... sorry for confusion but Symmetry demanded (she really did) that i give this thread the name it has.

Mr. Tea
29-12-2008, 09:02 PM
Ahahahaha!

Just read the name: Libertarian National Socialist Green Party (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libertarian_National_Socialist_Green_Party) :D

And take a look at their flag:

http://www.crwflags.com/fotw/images/u/us}lnsg.gif

:rolleyes:

Spfffft....

swears
29-12-2008, 11:55 PM
http://i41.tinypic.com/2b1r2s.jpg

petergunn
30-12-2008, 09:53 AM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/feLqz1udhtY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/feLqz1udhtY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

there are a billion of these, but to me this one is the funniest due to the disconnect w/ the subject matter....

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CV4i7dWeu0c&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CV4i7dWeu0c&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

zhao
30-12-2008, 10:37 AM
funny first hitler vid is "not available in your country"

Mr. Tea
30-12-2008, 01:55 PM
http://chaos.ao.net/~harik/humor/20041028/hitlerIsntFunny.gif

nomadthethird
30-12-2008, 05:42 PM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/feLqz1udhtY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/feLqz1udhtY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

there are a billion of these, but to me this one is the funniest due to the disconnect w/ the subject matter....

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CV4i7dWeu0c&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CV4i7dWeu0c&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Those are funny but that movie is kinda annoying, they don't give Hitler his proper Austrian accent.

Part of the great irony of Hilter's takeover using "pure Germaness" as his left hook is that he talked about purifying the "race" in the most broken, ugly Austrian German that to anyone born in Germany sounds kind of like what a Canadian sounds like to an American. It would be like having someone come down from Toronto and tell us we need to go aboot purifying the U.S. eh. His writing is even worse than his speeches.

Mr. Tea
30-12-2008, 06:01 PM
Still, at least he was tall, blond and blue-eyed. Can't fault him on that, no siree.

mos dan
20-01-2009, 11:42 AM
on the prince/prince theme:

How China's '50 Cent Army' Could Wreck Web 2.0
http://itmanagement.earthweb.com/columns/article.php/3795091/How+Chinas+50+Cent+Army+Could+Wreck+Web+2.0.htm

is there anything fiddy can't do? :D

scottdisco
20-01-2009, 11:53 AM
It would be like having someone come down from Toronto and tell us we need to go aboot purifying the U.S. eh. His writing is even worse than his speeches.

i love your accents Nomad :D

totally small little aside from which i of course draw no inferences about what a handful of boneheads get up to when drunk but quite a lot of the German supporters during the Germany vs Austria game at Euro 2008 were singing to the Viennese fans lines about how they were inbred farmers/peasants etc and should be bowing down to the sophisticate Germans that sort of thing.

(can't find any sources online but i trust my fellow Brit mate Mark who told me this. he lives and works in Vienna and speaks fluent German.)

Agent Nucleus
20-01-2009, 12:03 PM
It would be like having someone come down from Toronto and tell us we need to go aboot purifying the U.S. eh..

god that would be great if that happened

scottdisco
20-01-2009, 12:06 PM
Tim Hortons FTW!

Agent Nucleus
23-01-2009, 04:54 PM
at this point: "pretentiousness," and this from Kant's Third Critique :):


The advocates of the theory of evolution, who remove every individual from the formative power of nature, in order to make it come immediately from the hand of the Creator, would, however, not venture to regard this as happening according to the hypothesis of Occasionalism. For according to this the copulation is a mere formality, à propos of which a supreme intelligent Cause of the world has concluded to form a fruit immediately by his hand, and only to leave to the mother its development and nourishment. They declare themselves for preformation; as if it were not all the same, whether a supernatural origin is assigned to these forms in the beginning or in the course of the world. On the contrary, a great number of supernatural arrangements would be spared by occasional creation, which would be requisite, in order that the embryo formed in the beginning of the world might not be injured throughout the long period of its development by the destructive powers of nature, and might keep itself unharmed; and there would also be requisite an incalculably greater number of such preformed beings than would ever be developed, and with them many creations would be made without need and without purpose. They would, however, be willing to leave at least something to nature, so as not to fall into a complete Hyperphysic which can dispense with all natural explanations. It is true, they hold so fast by their Hyperphysic that they find even in abortions (which it is quite impossible to take for purposes of nature) an admirable purposiveness; though it be only directed to the fact that an anatomist would take exception to it as a purposeless purposiveness, and would feel a disheartened wonder thereat. But the production of hybrids could absolutely not be accommodated with the system of preformation; and to the seeds of the male creature, to which they had attributed nothing but the mechanical property of serving as the first means of nourishment for the embryo, they must attribute in addition a purposive formative power, which in the case of the product of two creatures of the same genus they would concede to neither parent.

swears
01-02-2009, 03:40 AM
<object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UFr2YeW4mac&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UFr2YeW4mac&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>

lololololol

This kid is hilarious and looks like a Daniel Clowes drawing.

zhao
03-02-2009, 11:33 PM
here's my kid:

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1899220

empty mirror
04-02-2009, 03:02 PM
ok so i mentioned to a colleague that the doughnuts in the other room "keep calling me" as dead souls called to Ian Curtis. somehow we got onto the topic of elvis presley being an apropos replacement for ian curtis, which prompted impressions of elvis singing "she's lost control" and the like.

the rub is this: doing an impression of elvis presley fronting joy division is equivalent to doing an impression of ian curtis fronting joy division.

what can it mean?
:slanted:

Mr. Tea
04-02-2009, 03:14 PM
Dunno, but the first thing that attracted me to the Ramones was that Joey sounded to me like a really, really awful Elvis impersonator.

I also discovered recently that it's quite good fun to sing the chorus to Love Shack by the B-52s in the style of Andrew Eldritch from the Sisters Of Mercy. Without even meaning to I found myself substituting 'Lovecraft' for 'Love shack', heh.

empty mirror
04-02-2009, 05:14 PM
Love Shack[/I] by the B-52s in the style of Andrew Eldritch from the Sisters Of Mercy. Without even meaning to I found myself substituting 'Lovecraft' for 'Love shack', heh.

brilliant! i just tried it out---it works!

also, yeah, i am famous for inventing things that already exist or should never exist.

once, while microwaving something, i thought, wouldn't it be great to make a box that instead of heating things, makes them colder----basically, i invented the refrigerator!

just yesterday, i was holding my coffee mug, and noted the handle of the mug was a tad warm---i thought---hey, they should make holders for these mug handles: a coffee mug handle-holder. just think of the potential----first, the coffee-mug handle holder, next year, the coffee-mug handle holder handle, followed by the coffee-mug handle holder handle holder...

the mind boggles!

BareBones
04-02-2009, 06:14 PM
Part of the great irony of Hilter's takeover using "pure Germaness" as his left hook is that he talked about purifying the "race" in the most broken, ugly Austrian German that to anyone born in Germany sounds kind of like what a Canadian sounds like to an American. It would be like having someone come down from Toronto and tell us we need to go aboot purifying the U.S. eh.

there was a bit on QI recently where they were talking about the original terminator film. When they were releasing the film in germany, arnie offered to redub all his lines in german - but they refused because, to germans, arnie's austrian accent makes him sound like a farmer.

STN
04-02-2009, 06:19 PM
What I never got is that the Terminator can adopt whatever accent it wants, so why adopt an Austrian accent if you're an English-speaking robot?

I think if I was Terminator I'd want to sound like Brian Blessed or Bounty Killer. Or maybe that lady off the M and S food adverts.

BareBones
04-02-2009, 06:23 PM
Or maybe that lady off the M and S food adverts.

what, you mean mary anne hobbs?

brian blessed ftw i reckon... him, or macho man randy savage

empty mirror
04-02-2009, 06:24 PM
i would posit that the Terminator uses an Austrian accent to achieve a more authentic impersonation of actor Arnold Schwartzenegger----what better way to infiltrate a culture than through its idols? Like those WWII battleships that were painted in jagged black and white stripes----so ostentatious that it becomes invisible.

Agent Nucleus
06-02-2009, 06:40 PM
i would posit that the Terminator uses an Austrian accent to achieve a more authentic impersonation of actor Arnold Schwartzenegger----what better way to infiltrate a culture than through its idols? Like those WWII battleships that were painted in jagged black and white stripes----so ostentatious that it becomes invisible.

so they are building killer robots in Austria? isn't that where the robot was first built, maybe it was for Italian Futurist theater or something, can't remember. The Germans had some secret technology that never became common knowledge, especially their rocket program (can't remember the guy's name, but whoever invented the rocket was German irrc), and some people think they were lauching UFO's from a secret airbase on the north pole.

Agent Nucleus
09-02-2009, 05:49 AM
http://twatter.org/

Tentative Andy
10-02-2009, 03:57 PM
Lols - just visited a site called gisajob.com as part of my seemingly endless attempt to find employment, and it seems one of the categories you can search under is 'x-rated adult'. Urge to apply - riiiising. :D

zhao
13-02-2009, 01:48 PM
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081226174833AA5LmiA

zhao
13-02-2009, 02:09 PM
also, see last item on the search list:

http://i.gizmodo.com/5150092/303000-people-extremely-terrified-of-chinese-people

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

swears
21-02-2009, 08:06 PM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wqf0N0Z2nps&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wqf0N0Z2nps&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

2:50 onwards.

nomadthethird
22-02-2009, 08:32 PM
^This video reminds me of how psychoanalysis is everywhere and nowhere these days.

"They are obsessive, they are compulsive"...

Everybody's an armchair analyst but nobody believes in psychoanalysis.

Meanwhile Dr. Phil rakes it in. What an ingenious guy. Tell them what they want to hear all couched in the language of the clinic. Be seen with Oprah in public.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$

Too bad he's married.

swears
22-02-2009, 10:30 PM
This fella just gets better:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2lfWxOdl9-0&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2lfWxOdl9-0&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

nomadthethird
23-02-2009, 03:34 AM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bkhQLt1vbWU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bkhQLt1vbWU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed>

Bang Diddley
27-02-2009, 03:57 PM
DJ Lookalikes

bollywood actor sanjay dutt
http://content.msn.co.in/NR/rdonlyres/F1D53E15-519D-4FEC-85B9-F6FA82198FD0/0/SanjayDutt6.jpg

villalobos
http://www.beatfactor.ro/pics/news/ricardo_villalobos_art_large.jpg

Agent Nucleus
03-03-2009, 11:27 AM
<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BcNLEwf2pOw&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BcNLEwf2pOw&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>

swears
03-03-2009, 11:13 PM
OLYMPIC OWNAGE - The biggest ownage in the history of man. Sorry Olympic Committe but I claim copyright of the 3D Logo in this video unless you claim it. If you claim it, we would all like a thorough explanation as to why it is a 3D Cryptography of a WINGED DISC AND MAYAN PYRAMID & ALSO USES BABYLONIAN NIBIRU SYMBOLISM. Perhaps you can also explain away the link to the Nephilim Giant called DAGON and why GOG and MAGOG are the "DEFENDERS OF LONDON" when they are named as the enemy of GOD ALMIGHTY and Man in the BOOK OF REVELATION.
Also I would like to add that I am quite happy and have no intention of topping myself or having a traffic accident so if that happens or I am stitched up by the Authorities you lot know WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU IS REAL !

Rev 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven saying Come out of her my people that ye be not partakers of her sins and that ye receive not of her plagues.

JESUS CHRIST IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Z-1gVTz4bks&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Z-1gVTz4bks&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

STN
06-03-2009, 05:15 PM
Listening to the Neville Brothers, and pretending it's Gary and Philip.

mms
07-03-2009, 01:22 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J1BkSHODL0

for david lynch biz this one 'on tom cruise' is to the point :D


he understand music too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c13LqKZRSBI&NR=1

STN
10-03-2009, 08:32 PM
dancing without music, so that you're 'doing a dance', rather than dancing.

Sick Boy
10-03-2009, 09:18 PM
http://i39.tinypic.com/20iyic6.gif

Tentative Andy
18-03-2009, 02:16 AM
The following video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmbiji_uP6c

Chuckles every time.

Sick Boy
23-03-2009, 08:32 PM
Willie Nelson's new album title: Naked Willie

STN
24-03-2009, 04:57 PM
Anything along these lines:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm

john eden
24-03-2009, 05:15 PM
colleague: "oh of course you can't even take photos of school plays these days in case you're a paedo"

me [from another room]: "BOLLOCKS!!!"

them: "oh, can you?"

me: "YES!!!"

:D

STN
24-03-2009, 05:22 PM
No one, but no one, who wasn't a parent or grandparent of one of the children involved would willingly sit through a school play, so I'd say you're on safe ground.

swears
24-03-2009, 11:08 PM
http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm

Bang Diddley
25-03-2009, 01:09 PM
dude possibly looks like zhao towards the end of clip which makes me chuckle even more

http://www.vimeo.com/3718294

STN
25-03-2009, 02:06 PM
On Mellow Yellow, where Paul McCartney whispers 'quite rightly' in a funny voice, so it sounds like 'quaht rahtli'.

Bang Diddley
26-03-2009, 10:12 AM
wtfs going on here w pharrell . . .

<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U4chHBO_RTA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/U4chHBO_RTA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>

zhao
26-03-2009, 02:54 PM
dude possibly looks like zhao towards the end of clip which makes me chuckle even more

http://www.vimeo.com/3718294

oh man i worked at some wack places but that shit was the worst!

Sick Boy
26-03-2009, 03:03 PM
How in public toilets, people will sit in their stall after taking a shit for incredible amounts of time waiting for the room to be completely clear of people before emerging. At work, I wage psychological warfare on these types by hanging around in the washrooms longer than I usually would, fucking with the taps and shit, seeing who will break first.

empty mirror
26-03-2009, 03:05 PM
On Mellow Yellow, where Paul McCartney whispers 'quite rightly' in a funny voice, so it sounds like 'quaht rahtli'.
what? really? on the donovan song?

:D

STN
26-03-2009, 03:18 PM
yeah, the donovan one.

Sick Boy, you need to fake your own exit (bang door, flush, run taps, bang main door) then sneak back into the cubicle and then greet their effort with an enormous cheer.

Sick Boy
26-03-2009, 06:17 PM
Sick Boy, you need to fake your own exit (bang door, flush, run taps, bang main door) then sneak back into the cubicle and then greet their effort with an enormous cheer.

I was thinking of something like this except looking horrified when they come out and sneering "Disgusting... were you taking a SHIT in there?!"

They'd never use a public washroom again.

Bang Diddley
27-03-2009, 03:47 PM
I should be listening to that Oris jay/El B I just downloaded but instead im pointlessly mashing up my ears with this. oh well its friday afternoon . ..

http://joost.zeekat.nl/bassline.html

Sick Boy
30-03-2009, 09:25 PM
In the toilets at my place of work there is a sign up on the wall encouraging feedback on the cleanliness etc. of the facilities. Problem is you can't read any of that stuff until you get up close. From a distance, all you notice is the large bold heading:

WE ARE LISTENING

mms
03-04-2009, 01:38 PM
realising there are two people on this forum i've shared dwellings with!

STN
07-04-2009, 04:32 PM
Indulge my Reader’s Digest-style tale. I’ve been having a longstanding argument with someone in which I have maintained that they are a div for never having heard of a certain famous pianist. This person informed me yesterday that neither of her flatmates had heard of this pianist either, so I said, ‘email X and ask her, if she hasn’t heard of him I take it all back about you being a div, he is evidently not as famous as I thought he was’. Today I received a triumphant email that said ‘well I’ve asked X, and she’d never heard of The Lonliest Monk either’.

Polite chortles on a postcard please.

Tentative Andy
07-04-2009, 05:34 PM
Indulge my Reader’s Digest-style tale. I’ve been having a longstanding argument with someone in which I have maintained that they are a div for never having heard of a certain famous pianist. This person informed me yesterday that neither of her flatmates had heard of this pianist either, so I said, ‘email X and ask her, if she hasn’t heard of him I take it all back about you being a div, he is evidently not as famous as I thought he was’. Today I received a triumphant email that said ‘well I’ve asked X, and she’d never heard of The Lonliest Monk either’.

Polite chortles on a postcard please.

Chuckle, oh dear.
I can imagine The Lonliest Monk as being the name of a conscious rapper. Well maybe.

Sick Boy
07-04-2009, 05:37 PM
Chuckle, oh dear.
I can imagine The Lonliest Monk as being the name of a conscious rapper. Well maybe.

You mean like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Loneliest_Punk? Close.

Tentative Andy
07-04-2009, 05:56 PM
You mean like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Loneliest_Punk? Close.

The plot thickens.....

I reckon The Lonliest Monk would need to have a recording partner called The Boom Boom Baptist.
*gets own coat*

zhao
14-04-2009, 01:59 PM
http://www.discogs.com/viewimages?artist=Danny+Weed

Tentative Andy
16-04-2009, 12:57 AM
Toilet wall graffitti.
Some of the funniest, wittiest, most surreal things I've ever read have been found scrawled on bog walls.
(Also some of the most crassly offensive things of course, but there you go).

Sick Boy
16-04-2009, 02:47 PM
Toilet wall graffitti.
Some of the funniest, wittiest, most surreal things I've ever read have been found scrawled on bog walls.
(Also some of the most crassly offensive things of course, but there you go).

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Came to shit
But only farted

BareBones
16-04-2009, 03:14 PM
the best thing about toilet-wall graffiti is when people write things in response and it turns into these weird little conversations that you can read while standing at the urinal.

Tentative Andy
16-04-2009, 04:40 PM
the best thing about toilet-wall graffiti is when people write things in response and it turns into these weird little conversations that you can read while standing at the urinal.

Yes!

Pestario
17-04-2009, 11:00 AM
http://www.discogs.com/viewimages?artist=Danny+Weed

ha ha. Glad it's not ironic then.

zhao
17-04-2009, 12:30 PM
the best thing about toilet-wall graffiti is when people write things in response and it turns into these weird little conversations that you can read while standing at the urinal.

kinda like dissensus (don't know about you guys but i'm sometimes on the can while i post)

zhao
17-04-2009, 12:31 PM
ha ha. Glad it's not ironic then.

yeah that picture made me laugh for a good minute the other day... and just now again.

Slothrop
17-04-2009, 12:59 PM
My work have a thing of identifying people via their initials and (if neccessary) a number. The guy sat next to me is SL2.

I've never got around to asking him whether or not he's on a ragga (or any other) tip.

swears
20-04-2009, 12:41 AM
http://www.ahrq.gov/consumer/5tipseng/fig1.gif

Pestario
20-04-2009, 11:11 AM
that did make me chuckle to myself

bassbeyondreason
23-04-2009, 05:16 PM
"Mail Preference Service"

Bang Diddley
24-04-2009, 12:28 PM
I guess this can go here. Dont bother reading the text. Just roll VTR. When age reducing plastic surgery doesnt work. Wait for the interviews towards the end.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8015981.stm

Bettysnake
25-04-2009, 06:57 PM
the best thing about toilet-wall graffiti is when people write things in response and it turns into these weird little conversations that you can read while standing at the urinal.
In the ladies loo in the Camden Head in Islington in the 80s there was graffiti which said 'Life is for living' under which someone had written 'not if you're starving and oppressed and can't get food'

STN
01-05-2009, 03:03 PM
I signed up to this website for finding tradespeople in your area. It's called 'Rated People', and whenever I get spam from them, my head sings me a little song that goes 'I hate rated people...' to the tune of 'Racist People' by Roll Deep.

Tentative Andy
11-05-2009, 04:12 PM
Passing a woman in the street who looked uncannily like a slightly shorter version of Joey Ramone, circa 1977-ish. :D

Mr. Tea
11-05-2009, 05:20 PM
Passing a woman in the street who looked uncannily like a slightly shorter version of Joey Ramone, circa 1977-ish. :D

Ha! I saw a woman in the bar at the ICA a few months ago who was the spitting image of Gok Wan.

Tentative Andy
15-05-2009, 01:00 PM
Getting sent a job advert for the position of Anti-Social Behaviour Coordinator. :D
Think I'll hold out for when the Anarchy Organisor postion becomes vacant. ;)

Slothrop
15-05-2009, 01:29 PM
Getting sent a job advert for the position of Anti-Social Behaviour Coordinator. :D
:D

I once saw a BBC news headline about some senior policeman planning to start 'Rape Squads' - I wondered whether I was an awful person for finding that funny, but when I went back later in the day it'd changed to "sex crime investigation units" or something...

BareBones
18-05-2009, 12:41 PM
I liked it when gianfranco zola took over at west ham and promised to bring some "offensive football" to upton park.

Martin Dust
20-05-2009, 08:50 AM
On days that I catch the tram in, we always go past a funeral place that has won national awards, I often wondered what they get judged on and chuckle :)

STN
21-05-2009, 02:04 PM
I keep my recycling bins by my front door, and the other day I came home to find some UKIP leaflets had been put through the letter box and had fallen in the recycling of their own accord. Energy efficient...

swears
22-05-2009, 04:23 PM
My mate had a setup as a teenager which allowed him record crank calls straight out of the phone onto tape. We were listening to some of them last night, as he's back to see his parents for a bit.

Some of the calls are hilarious, he did a whole set using a guitar digital delay pedal, calling people up then having them talk to the echo of their own voice. One victim even says "Your impression is crap, doesn't even sound like me!" thinking another person was repeating what he said, haha. Sometimes he would get the phone numbers for a local phone box by the shops, then ring them and wind up the kids hanging around there: "This is the police, we can see you smoking weed!" or "This is Jesus, I love you all, meet me in the church over the road", etc...

Bang Diddley
28-05-2009, 11:08 AM
that

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41476000/jpg/_41476920_416nick.jpg

=

http://www.theapprenticeforum.co.uk/forum/2009/images/LorraineTighe-large.jpg

separated at birth

Tentative Andy
28-05-2009, 05:53 PM
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
:eek: :D

josef k.
28-05-2009, 06:26 PM
My mate had a setup as a teenager which allowed him record crank calls straight out of the phone onto tape. We were listening to some of them last night, as he's back to see his parents for a bit.

Some of the calls are hilarious, he did a whole set using a guitar digital delay pedal, calling people up then having them talk to the echo of their own voice. One victim even says "Your impression is crap, doesn't even sound like me!" thinking another person was repeating what he said, haha. Sometimes he would get the phone numbers for a local phone box by the shops, then ring them and wind up the kids hanging around there: "This is the police, we can see you smoking weed!" or "This is Jesus, I love you all, meet me in the church over the road", etc...

You/he should post them to the net! They sound fantastic!

Sick Boy
28-05-2009, 08:10 PM
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
:eek: :D

hahaha this is so, so good

viktorvaughn
28-05-2009, 10:39 PM
Private eye lookalikes - emma watson and richard dawkins. Fucking scary this one i swear. so so spot on.

Mr. Tea
28-05-2009, 11:50 PM
Private eye lookalikes - emma watson and richard dawkins. Fucking scary this one i swear. so so spot on.

I'm not really seeing - are there any particular photos you can post for this?

As m/f lookalikes go, I once saw a photo of Anna Kournikova (mid-swing, to be fair) where she was the dead spit of Boris Yeltsin.

Others I've spotted include:

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/070824/whitney_l.jpg http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l122/tomsawyer_03/Bands/IronMaidenEddie62.jpg?t=1243550459







and









http://trendliest.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/john-kerry_0.jpg http://www.willisms.com/archives/treebeard.jpg

viktorvaughn
29-05-2009, 10:38 AM
It's in the latest private eye. They must just be in the same pose but the whole brows eyes and nose look well similar.

michael
08-06-2009, 11:17 PM
the best thing about toilet-wall graffiti is when people write things in response and it turns into these weird little conversations that you can read while standing at the urinal.

Think I wrote this somewhere else, but my fave example, seen in a loo in Melbourne Uni, Melbourne was:

GOD HATES HOMOS

AND TABOULI

By two different people...

Sick Boy
10-06-2009, 08:37 PM
Photoshop creates racial diversity:

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/toronto/archive/2009/06/10/city-digitally-adds-black-guy-to-fun-guide-cover-to-make-it-more-inclusive.aspx

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/photo_database/image/cut_and_paste_diversity/

Bang Diddley
11-06-2009, 03:54 PM
Photoshop creates racial diversity:

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/toronto/archive/2009/06/10/city-digitally-adds-black-guy-to-fun-guide-cover-to-make-it-more-inclusive.aspx

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/photo_database/image/cut_and_paste_diversity/

haha. is this about

http://www.sukeplow.demon.co.uk/altered/bestcd.jpg

massrock
23-06-2009, 12:35 AM
The big fuck off liberty caps in the corner of the 'fantasy Piccadilly line' poster. :)

Hold tight Hammersmith.

http://sushed.com/uploads//2007/06/nils-norman-poster-piccadilly-line.jpg

mms
24-06-2009, 12:39 PM
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/jun/24/top-gear-nme-conor-mcnicholas

martin
24-06-2009, 12:44 PM
Think I wrote this somewhere else, but my fave example, seen in a loo in Melbourne Uni, Melbourne was:

GOD HATES HOMOS

AND TABOULI

By two different people...

Mine was

NF - WE'RE BACK

later added

WARDS

Mr. Tea
24-06-2009, 01:16 PM
The big fuck off liberty caps in the corner of the 'fantasy Piccadilly line' poster. :)


Bwuhahaha, yeah, I noticed those too. Nice touch. :D

Bang Diddley
25-06-2009, 01:50 PM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QpwlWBWyRDo&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QpwlWBWyRDo&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

im quite impressed actually

Martin Dust
02-07-2009, 05:53 PM
Farting, still makes me laugh.

mistersloane
03-07-2009, 11:59 AM
<EMBED src=http://www.youtube.com/v/QpwlWBWyRDo&hl=en&fs=1& width=425 height=344 type=application/x-shockwave-flash allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></EMBED>

im quite impressed actually

Oh my god that's genius

viktorvaughn
09-07-2009, 07:51 PM
guardian review of bruno with the line 'In fact, his preoccupation with male genitalia and anal sex is so tedious, it makes you forget the real outrage: the inequality of the class system' made me chuckle.

Mr. Tea
09-07-2009, 09:10 PM
guardian review of bruno with the line 'In fact, his preoccupation with male genitalia and anal sex is so tedious, it makes you forget the real outrage: the inequality of the class system' made me chuckle.

Pfft, have they got Rik-from-The-Young-Ones doing film reviews now?

Pestario
16-07-2009, 12:47 PM
"Click here to watch the video of Michael Jackson's hair on fire."

This sentence, taken from an article on the Independent's website, I think sums up the spirit of our age so succinctly - and that made me chuckle to myself

Mr. Tea
16-07-2009, 04:16 PM
"Click here to watch the video of Michael Jackson's hair on fire."

This sentence, taken from an article on the Independent's website, I think sums up the spirit of our age so succinctly - and that made me chuckle to myself

Heh, yeah, it's a bit Nathan Barley isn't it? Like the website where you can bet on the outcome of tramp fights.

massrock
17-07-2009, 04:45 PM
Not chuckle exactly. :eek:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/72186321@N00/3727447769/

Mr. Tea
17-07-2009, 05:56 PM
Haha, big up the Toypedo! We need a "When life imitates Chris Morris" thread.

Yesterday's 'Pet Of The Day' in thelondonpaper: a Syrian hamster whose 'likes' apparently include:


Having raspberries blown on his tummy (it makes him feel silly)

Uh, guys, you do realise you're basically just giving a rodent a blowjob...?

simon silverdollar
17-07-2009, 08:47 PM
the guy off the Magners advert that says 'just give it to me straight, like a pear cider made from one hundred per cent... pears'

give it to you straight?
ok.
SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP!!!!!!!!!! (After Jammer).

Mr. Tea
17-07-2009, 08:53 PM
'Pear cider'? Whatever happened to perry? Are we to refer to wine as 'grape cider' and beer as 'barley cider' now?

I fucking hate Magners and everything to do with them. Their shitty faux-Oirish marketing bollocks. The way they started the trend for drinking cider with half a tonne of ice in it. The fact that it's sweet, flavourless piss. The fact that grotty and utterly forgettable pubs feel justified in charging &#163;4 for it - and the fact that witless muppets pay this for it.

And these adverts that go on about how amazing their cider is because it's "made from 100&#37; apples" - as opposed to the other leading brands that are made from plutonium and wasps, right?

bassbeyondreason
17-07-2009, 10:24 PM
Whatever happened to perry?

Lambrini.

scottdisco
18-07-2009, 12:00 AM
their plant in Clonmel is the size of a small village, it's quite astonishing.

Tea is of course OTM re this absurd usage of "pear cider".

simon silverdollar
18-07-2009, 12:37 PM
the guy off the Magners advert that says 'just give it to me straight, like a pear cider made from one hundred per cent... pears'

give it to you straight?
ok.
SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP!!!!!!!!!! (After Jammer).

sorry, i meant to put this in the 'pointless but it does my head in' thread. i am in no way condoning magners perry ad.

Martin Dust
18-07-2009, 07:56 PM
sorry, i meant to put this in the 'pointless but it does my head in' thread. i am in no way condoning magners perry ad.

It reaches new levels of wanting to kill...

4linehaiku
19-07-2009, 07:01 PM
Private eye lookalikes - emma watson and richard dawkins. Fucking scary this one i swear. so so spot on.

In case anyone is still interested / hasn't seen it:

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/10/6/128677918460759115.jpg

It is rather freaky.

Bang Diddley
21-07-2009, 10:25 AM
The fact that i have more pairs of headphones than I have pairs of jeans.

:)

john eden
21-07-2009, 02:43 PM
Seeing someone who looked suspiciously like Simon Silverdollar in some footage on newsnight last night.

Mr. Tea
21-07-2009, 03:55 PM
The world's nerdiest and best in-joke:

http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/media/chocoleibniz1.jpg vs. http://www.zimmcomm.biz/images/rams/fig-newtons.gif

The greatest intellectual rivalry in history reincarnated in biscuit form. Genius.

swears
21-07-2009, 06:41 PM
Badly drawn picture of Bart Simpson with big triangular spliff in his mouth complete with speech bubble saying "SMOKE WEED, MAN".

polystyle desu
21-07-2009, 09:49 PM
Aaah, Amurika in summertime 2009 AD ...
http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/21/car-dealer-offers-ak-47-with-purchase/?hp

zhao
22-07-2009, 10:03 AM
Aaah, Amurika in summertime 2009 AD ...
http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/21/car-dealer-offers-ak-47-with-purchase/?hp

our world increasing resembles the fictional farce in yester-decades' art and media... don't it?

Slothrop
22-07-2009, 10:12 AM
The world's nerdiest and best in-joke:

http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/media/chocoleibniz1.jpg vs. http://www.zimmcomm.biz/images/rams/fig-newtons.gif

The greatest intellectual rivalry in history reincarnated in biscuit form. Genius.
Brilliant!

Pestario
22-07-2009, 11:45 AM
Aaah, Amurika in summertime 2009 AD ...
http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/21/car-dealer-offers-ak-47-with-purchase/?hp

(from the comments) How many offended mid-westerners does it take to tell you that MO stands for Missouri not Montana? 23!

martin
22-07-2009, 01:01 PM
This out of office automatic reply I just received

I am away from the office. Therefore slow response is expected.

swears
22-07-2009, 09:48 PM
Aaah, Amurika in summertime 2009 AD ...
http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/21/car-dealer-offers-ak-47-with-purchase/?hp

I'd like an AK-47, just to hang on the wall in the living room.

STN
24-07-2009, 06:53 AM
the face this geezer pulls one minute in\;


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRDbtz6F0wY

BareBones
24-07-2009, 02:12 PM
the guy off the Magners advert that says 'just give it to me straight, like a pear cider made from one hundred per cent... pears'

give it to you straight?
ok.
SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP SHATUP!!!!!!!!!! (After Jammer).

who is that guy? i'm sure it's a bloke that did some of the talking head bits in time trumpet, i thought he was really funny. obviously i think he's a total cunt now, on the basis of the magners ad.

bassbeyondreason
27-07-2009, 03:00 PM
Mark Watson. Brilliant stand-up, but I guess time makes shills of us all.

BareBones
27-07-2009, 03:37 PM
oh yeah, that's him. i loved that bit in time trumpet where he's talking about how tesco was taking over sweden or something, and they change their slogan from "every little helps" to "we control every aspect of your lives"

Tentative Andy
27-07-2009, 07:44 PM
The high-energy air drumming from the dude wearing big headphones on the subway this afternoon. I wish I could be unselfconscious enough to totally break out like that. :D

swears
05-08-2009, 08:41 PM
http://archive.vooruit.be/bolditalic2008/images/lb_EK_ssb2006-1.jpg

I think this is a demo pic for a camera or film or something... they've put together a model and a bunch of stuff a pro might photograph. But it sort of comes off like she's won the items in a poker game.

Mr. Tea
05-08-2009, 08:45 PM
Wow...that photo is like concentrated essence of late-1980s.

Bang Diddley
06-08-2009, 08:27 AM
The high-energy air drumming from the dude wearing big headphones on the subway this afternoon. I wish I could be unselfconscious enough to totally break out like that. :D

Yeah its cool init. I still see a woman sometimes if im on a the bus to work who sings to herself quietly but loadly enough to be heard if your sat near her. Its kinda sweet, i think i might of posted about her in the bless thread.

I have been known to get overexcited at work whilst listening and do a brap brap type of thing lol.

STN
06-08-2009, 02:54 PM
so childish, but emailing the link below to my best mate with a subject line saying 'they published my letter in the Guardian!'.

He said he felt a swell of excitement and pride, before opening the link and realizing it was another stupid joke:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/06/private-lives-best-friends-mother

swears
06-08-2009, 05:19 PM
“Sadly, there’s no out-of-the-box solution I can recommend..." (http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=36585)

nomadthethird
06-08-2009, 08:28 PM
“Sadly, there’s no out-of-the-box solution I can recommend..." (http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=36585)

I like Dan Savage, he's very actively pro Proposition 8, but I especially like his answer to "Now the Other Mom":

No advice for you, NTOM, but plenty of prenatal sympathy for a poor unfortunate fetus who deserves better parents or his very own miscarriage.

I will, however, hold on to your letter. I’m going to forward a copy to every doucheburst who writes in to tell me that gay marriage is wrong because every child deserves a mother and a father. Moms and dads can be great—I had a terrific set, myself—but mix-matched genitals are not enough. Kids need loving, fit, and reasonably sane parents. Having one twatted parent and one pricked parent does not guarantee a happy childhood. —Dan

Sick Boy
06-08-2009, 08:53 PM
Woah weird, that same guy writes the same column for one of the free local broadsheets in Toronto too. I didn't realize he was a household name? Sometimes I like him, though he has a tendency to turn everything into a gay issue, even if it's not a gay issue.

* edit: I'm not necessarily saying he did that there, I didn't read that one.

nomadthethird
06-08-2009, 09:15 PM
Woah weird, that same guy writes the same column for one of the free local broadsheets in Toronto too. I didn't realize he was a household name? Sometimes I like him, though he has a tendency to turn everything into a gay issue, even if it's not a gay issue.

* edit: I'm not necessarily saying he did that there, I didn't read that one.

Yes probably true--he's on TV all the time down here, sort of a pundit for teh gays.

scottdisco
06-08-2009, 09:17 PM
Dan Savage is a legend! he's based out of Seattle and his column is originally for the Seattle Stranger, but it is syndicated in loads of good alternative sheets across north America; i know i've read him personally in the Chicago Reader and Portland Mercury and good to hear others enjoy him in NY and T.O.

this is the column about the death of his mother. (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=550027)

Itchy & Scratchy
06-08-2009, 09:49 PM
http://archive.vooruit.be/bolditalic2008/images/lb_EK_ssb2006-1.jpg"...and a cuddly toy!" (I can't help but think of The Generation Game when seeing this).

swears
06-08-2009, 10:43 PM
If I ever actually get round to doing a club night that photo is gonna be nicked for the flyer.

swears
08-08-2009, 04:43 PM
Jesus, this site is funny:

http://www.dontevenreply.com

This recent entry is one of the best yet:

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=59

This simple text-only site has brought me more lulz recently than all the viral-video bullshit in the world.

zhao
10-08-2009, 01:47 PM
Dan Savage is a legend!


if she expects a lifetime commitment after posting misleading photos and exchanging text messages and a single weekend of sex, she isn’t just asking to have her heart broken, her heart needs breaking.

ha!

IdleRich
10-08-2009, 03:53 PM
"so childish, but emailing the link below to my best mate with a subject line saying 'they published my letter in the Guardian!'."
That's lame, so lame in fact that I immediately did the same thing to a couple of my friends. Might do it to some more in a minute if I get bored.

STN
10-08-2009, 04:01 PM
That's lame, so lame in fact that I immediately did the same thing to a couple of my friends. Might do it to some more in a minute if I get bored.

One of the two people I did it to took it at face value and instantly forwarded it to her boyfriend (who always writes letters to MPs/the paper) with the subject line 'see, you're not the only one'.

she should've known better.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Tentative Andy
17-08-2009, 11:52 PM
Realising today for the first time that the Dorian Concept tune is actually called Trilingual Dance Sexperience and not, as I had for some reason up till now believed, Triangular Dance Sexperience. :rolleyes: I must have read the name in tracklistings many times before, but clearly my brain hadn't been registering what my eyes were telling me...

atoga
19-08-2009, 02:27 AM
kmt

swears
20-08-2009, 02:45 PM
* Flatter her, but know your limits. Flatter to her nice sides.
(Every one has some). Tell her how nice she is.
Flatter to her looks (If you at least find her attractive).
Don't say to her "You are the most beautiful girl I ever so"-
It sounds non-natural.(She's Probably not.)


http://www.textfiles.com/100/lay-girl.txt

Forget "The Game", this is all you need to know to pick up the hottest chicks.

swears
04-09-2009, 12:38 AM
http://k-punk.abstractdynamics.org/archives/011286.html

Sick Boy
04-09-2009, 02:30 AM
http://k-punk.abstractdynamics.org/archives/011286.html

Par!

STN
15-09-2009, 08:37 AM
The language barrier that led to me capering around pretending to be a squirrel for the edification of two bewildered Polish roofers. Eventually I went on wikipedia and found a picture, but while I was performing my wild, nose-twitching danse twatcabre I could see them gazing around my flat, trying to work out how quickly they could get to the front door if I got any weirder.

BareBones
16-09-2009, 03:53 PM
how weird do you think you could've got??

Mr. Tea
16-09-2009, 05:56 PM
how weird do you think you could've got??

I'm imagining something like this:

<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0cAfoZWzl8M&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0cAfoZWzl8M&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

zhao
17-09-2009, 08:20 AM
roofers are chicks?

reeltoreel
02-10-2009, 06:01 AM
http://season1.fr/images/the_mentalist.jpg

IdleRich
02-10-2009, 02:35 PM
"roofers are chicks?"
People who fix your roof.

nomadthethird
02-10-2009, 04:20 PM
http://k-punk.abstractdynamics.org/archives/011286.html

The visual branding is there. I'd say spot on demo. Price point is fair. They even show it prominently SLASHED, so as to psychologically trick you into thinking you're getting a discount, when in reality you're lining someone's pockets.

Yup, capitalist realism. Check and check.

Mr. Tea
11-10-2009, 10:26 PM
Talking of strokes of marketing genius, I was delighted to see the words EAT MORE POTATOES on a bag of spuds I bought today. Er, OK then!

I'd like to see this extended; DRINK MORE BOOZE on cans of beer and SMOKE MORE FAGS on cigarette boxes...

Slothrop
12-10-2009, 12:41 AM
Talking of strokes of marketing genius, I was delighted to see the words EAT MORE POTATOES on a bag of spuds I bought today. Er, OK then!
Is that the work of the Cyprus Potato Marketing Board ("The Max Cliffords of Cypriot Root Vegetable Products") by any chance?

john eden
23-10-2009, 10:06 AM
"Shall we have a brainstorm - ooh you can't say that any more, sorry. A 'thought shower' then?"

In a meeting this week. Fuck's sake. :D

zhao
23-10-2009, 10:20 AM
why can't say brainstorm no more?

john eden
23-10-2009, 10:23 AM
why can't say brainstorm no more?

there is some bullshit about it being offensive to epileptics.

The British Epilepsy conducted their own survey and found that this was rubbish: http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/press/facts/brainstorming

and also I believe were miffed that epileptics might be seen as easily offended people...

matt b
23-10-2009, 11:28 AM
"Shall we have a brainstorm - ooh you can't say that any more, sorry. A 'thought shower' then?"

In a meeting this week. Fuck's sake. :D

Yeah, that always pisses me off :)

lessons in formal educational settings are now called 'learning events'.

don't forget.

john eden
23-10-2009, 12:21 PM
"brainstorming" is a shit exercise anyway - people chuck out a load of ideas someone writes them down on a flip chart and then the paper gets taken away and is never seen again.

zhao
23-10-2009, 12:25 PM
"brainstorming" is a shit exercise anyway - people chuck out a load of ideas someone writes them down on a flip chart and then the paper gets taken away and is never seen again.

hahaha

swears
23-10-2009, 12:37 PM
Talking of strokes of marketing genius, I was delighted to see the words EAT MORE POTATOES on a bag of spuds I bought today. Er, OK then!

I'd like to see this extended; DRINK MORE BOOZE on cans of beer and SMOKE MORE FAGS on cigarette boxes...

Hahaha, awesome.

Were you wearing some special sunglasses that you found in a box behind a run-down church when you bought these spuds?

baboon2004
23-10-2009, 12:44 PM
I love the blurb in restaurants that goes along the lines of "Have you ever thought of...having dessert?"

STN
23-10-2009, 01:06 PM
I like it when cafes have menu sections headed things like 'On Toast' as though it's a piece in the collected essays of some philosopher.

baboon2004
23-10-2009, 01:20 PM
Or "Why not try a piece of cake with your coffee?"

Why thank you, you have just blown my tiny mind with your leftfield suggestion.

Mr. Tea
23-10-2009, 01:39 PM
I saw a good one in the local 'news'paper put out by Tower Hamlets borough council, advertising some arts and music workshop: "Are you aged between 13 and 19 and live or study in Tower Hamlets?"

Yes, I am live in Tower Hamlets! :D


Is that the work of the Cyprus Potato Marketing Board ("The Max Cliffords of Cypriot Root Vegetable Products") by any chance?

Sadly these were ordinary boring Anglo-Saxon potatoes that only a fascist would go out of his way to eat. I can't say the CPMB is really pulling out all the stops as I've never seen an advert for them that I can remember - but I did by some recently and they are the yummiest potatoes I've ever eaten. A lovely rich yellowy colour and they taste really buttery even before you've put any butter on them.

swears
28-10-2009, 06:00 PM
Is it wrong for me to think this is going to be unintentionally hilarious?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/gary-glitter-faces-death-penalty-in-fictional-tv-drama-1810810.html

massrock
28-10-2009, 06:11 PM
EAT MORE POTATOES
Snaisbury's isn't it?

I saw that, I thought this was potentially irresponsible nutritional advice. How do they know I haven't already consumed a near fatal quantity of potatoes?

Mr. Tea
28-10-2009, 06:28 PM
Snaisbury's isn't it?

I saw that, I thought this was potentially irresponsible nutritional advice. How do they know I haven't already consumed a near fatal quantity of potatoes?

Nah, this was Scummerfield.

People who like to promote the inalienable human right to smoke ourselves silly 24/7 like to point out that cannabis has a higher LD50 (the theoretical dose that kills half of subjects when ingested in one go) than potatoes - I think you could OD on spuds because they contain small amounts of cyanide.

zhao
29-10-2009, 09:36 PM
rereading this (http://www.rolcats.com/) again. so classic. methinks a body of work encapsulating some of the greatest moments of lolcat culture.

Slothrop
30-10-2009, 12:04 AM
Rolcats are brilliant.

I always chuckle when I hear announcements on the tube introduced as "an update from the control room at Manor House (or wherever)" - makes it sound like a big room with a load of sixties computers with reel-to-reel tape things and blinking lights and men in big glasses, when it's clearly just a broom cupboard with a microphone in.

IdleRich
30-10-2009, 02:26 AM
People who like to promote the inalienable human right to smoke ourselves silly 24/7 like to point out that cannabis has a higher LD50 (the theoretical dose that kills half of subjects when ingested in one go) than potatoes - I think you could OD on spuds because they contain small amounts of cyanide
Surely that should be lower... or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?


"I always chuckle when I hear announcements on the tube introduced as "an update from the control room at Manor House (or wherever)" - makes it sound like a big room with a load of sixties computers with reel-to-reel tape things and blinking lights and men in big glasses, when it's clearly just a broom cupboard with a microphone in."
Well that's what it's like in The Taking of Pelham and I can only assume that that's still our best guide to the "workings" of an underground railway system such as the tube.

Mr. Tea
30-10-2009, 12:13 PM
Surely that should be lower... or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?


The more of something you need to kill yourself, the less harmful it is (in that very basic sense, at least). So potatoes having a lower LD50 than cannabis means it would be easier to OD on them; they are, in a sense, 'more poisonous'.

nomadthethird
30-10-2009, 03:45 PM
The more of something you need to kill yourself, the less harmful it is (in that very basic sense, at least). So potatoes having a lower LD50 than cannabis means it would be easier to OD on them; they are, in a sense, 'more poisonous'.

Is the LD50 the threshold for cyanide tolerance in humans/animals then? Probably some kind of ratio or very small number in a potato.

We get trace amounts all the time. Apparently, you can build up your resistance to some poisons by slowly dosing higher and higher. Not sure if cyanide is one of them, though...heavy metals (like thallium) I think don't work that way.

Mr. Tea
30-10-2009, 05:42 PM
Apparently, you can build up your resistance to some poisons by slowly dosing higher and higher.

Anyone who's ever seen The Princess Bride knows this.

Mr. Tea
04-11-2009, 01:25 AM
The name of the chemical 'Sodium Laureth Sulphate' (the main ingredient after water in most shower gels), which sounds like it's really just plain Sodium Sulphate but insists on using its middle name in that slightly precious "I've got three names you know, and I'd be most obliged if you used them" celebrity kind of way. Like Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alexander Graham Bell.

Plus you can so easily imagine 'Laureth' being some utterly obnoxious spoiled blonde Valley Girl from an early '90s teen comedy. With a name based on shampoo. It's just too perfect.

swears
06-11-2009, 03:45 PM
My little brother's mate who offered me some cashews with the line "Hey man, you like peanuts? Then check this shit out."

Mr. Tea
06-11-2009, 05:47 PM
My little brother's mate who offered me some cashews with the line "Hey man, you like peanuts? Then check this shit out."

Haha, some people are just born with a calling, clearly.

nomadthethird
06-11-2009, 07:15 PM
The name of the chemical 'Sodium Laureth Sulphate' (the main ingredient after water in most shower gels), which sounds like it's really just plain Sodium Sulphate but insists on using its middle name in that slightly precious "I've got three names you know, and I'd be most obliged if you used them" celebrity kind of way. Like Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alexander Graham Bell.

Plus you can so easily imagine 'Laureth' being some utterly obnoxious spoiled blonde Valley Girl from an early '90s teen comedy. With a name based on shampoo. It's just too perfect.

This is because in product manufacturing, many companies still use the old names rather than the IUPAC names. Should be "sodium lauryl ether sulfate" which sounds much closer to what the compound actually is.

Don't ask me why they insist on using the old system because doing so is very annoying, and forces us all to have to learn it. Complete with "ic" and "ous" distinctions and all that jazz.

No, it's not ferric sulfate, it's iron (III) sulfate you numbskulls.

swears
09-11-2009, 08:30 PM
Hearing that a syndicate in a Liverpool call centre had won the mega lotto jackpot and realising that there was like, a 5&#37; chance my sister was one of the winners and thinking "Maybe I'll get that thirty quid back she borrowed in March back now".

Mr. Tea
09-11-2009, 10:20 PM
The local not-very-supermarket pricing gammon joints (individual price £3) at the knockdown bargain price of 2 for £6!!!

swears
09-11-2009, 10:42 PM
Is it wrong for me to think this is going to be unintentionally hilarious?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/gary-glitter-faces-death-penalty-in-fictional-tv-drama-1810810.html

I actually think this was just a bunch of young tv producers taking the piss now. Towards the end a remixed version of Gary Glitters pleas of innocence were released and went to number one, with Gary crying and stomping on his radio, before being hung.

Mr. Tea
09-11-2009, 11:24 PM
Towards the end a remixed version of Gary Glitters pleas of innocence were remixed and went to number one, with Gary crying and stomping on his radio, before being hung.

Sounds like something Nathan Barley would have as his ringtone.

swears
10-11-2009, 05:12 PM
Yeah, it was like something off TV Go Home, so surreal.

Here's what Brooker thinks himself:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2009/nov/07/charlie-brooker-screenburn-gary-glitter

martin
10-11-2009, 05:30 PM
Some irritating manager who likes to say things like, "Yep, I'm probably too choosy with women, I'm always turning them down - I've sewn my oats, alright, just want to settle down with one now - if I can find the right one"....


...when we all know he got cheated on and dumped by virtually every woman he met (which was 2) between 2006 and now, prompting him to compose a load of "I'm so lonesome I could cry" style entries on his FB account (which we have access to because somebody we know in another department befriended him, specifically so we could read them, and he's so grateful for female attention he added her without a thought), primarily because his 'interests' include being an impossibly clingy, self-righteous, unfunny monkey's cunt.

MORAL: Managers - don't fuck your staff around

Mr. Tea
10-11-2009, 09:49 PM
monkey's cunt.

Nice tip of the hat to Speak You're Branes. :)

Your anecdote also reminds me of a classic David Brent line: "I'm attracted to women who are as intelligent, [pause] or nearly as intelligent as me".

I started a new job yesterday and have already heard "touch base" - besides getting used to hearing the word 'myself' getting misused about three times per minute. Never mind, it seems quite a good job apart from that.

One of my new colleagues is called Mark Fisher, but sadly I fear he's probably not that Mark Fisher.

john eden
11-11-2009, 02:25 PM
MORAL: Managers - don't fuck your staff around

apparently there was a meeting about "leadership" here recently in which someone who had been a manager for about 30 years mentioned that he'd only just twigged how important it was to try and communicate with his staff as people.

"but not too much, obviously, because I might have to make them redundant"

john eden
11-11-2009, 02:27 PM
this had me trying to hold back tears and convulsions of laughter at my desk earlier:

http://www.coldspring.co.uk/discography/csr116cd.php

PeteUM
11-11-2009, 02:33 PM
this had me trying to hold back tears and convulsions of laughter at my desk earlier:

http://www.coldspring.co.uk/discography/csr116cd.php

"1. Introduction To A Joyless New Start"

Awlright!

martin
11-11-2009, 04:23 PM
Well, this is certainly the day for checking out utterly rubbish music links on Dissensus. Anyone got any more?

Sick Boy
11-11-2009, 07:49 PM
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/11/9/1257771262320/Morrissey-is-struck-on-th-002.jpg

Probably not as funny for all the people who paid to hear not even two songs. (http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2009/nov/09/morrissey-walks-offstage)

Mr. Tea
12-11-2009, 01:19 AM
Haha, it's the guy giving Mozza the thumbs-up that really makes that photo.

grizzleb
26-11-2009, 01:41 PM
http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?&next_url=/watch%3Fv%3DrHk4t_hzqb4%26feature%3Dplayer_embedde d#at=168 yaas

viktorvaughn
26-11-2009, 02:42 PM
Just reading some stuff at work and there is a guy in the Lords called Lord Dubs! Definitely sounds like some legendary selector.

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200910/ldhansrd/text/91124-0001.htm#09112433000428

sufi
26-11-2009, 03:57 PM
Lord alf Dubs, was a child refugee on the kindertransport
seems like a good sort,
funnily enuff i wrote to him about something last week & he's not replied :( must check the email address & chase up....

benjybars
26-11-2009, 04:01 PM
Just reading some stuff at work and there is a guy in the Lords called Lord Dubs! Definitely sounds like some legendary selector.

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200910/ldhansrd/text/91124-0001.htm#09112433000428

hahaha

that is too good.

:)

john eden
26-11-2009, 04:14 PM
yeah there were a bunch of "vote dubs" posters up around south london 15 years ago or so...

paolo
27-11-2009, 08:41 AM
When the guy who sits beside me at work answers the phone by saying 'Good morning!' when it's actually the afternoon or vice versa. That's how I get my jollies in the office :slanted:

Bang Diddley
02-12-2009, 09:45 AM
That there's a room called Joint Facility where I work.

Mr. Tea
02-12-2009, 12:28 PM
That there's a room called Joint Facility where I work.

You should spark up a phatty in there and then when people start to stare you're like, "What?".

Mr. Tea
02-12-2009, 12:31 PM
You should spark up a phatty in there and then when people start to stare you're like, "What?".

Sorry, I appear to be channeling zhao today.

john eden
03-12-2009, 05:01 PM
People ringing me at 4:59pm.

Call me a jobsworth, but I really don't think so.

Mr. Tea
03-12-2009, 05:49 PM
People ringing me at 4:59pm.

Call me a jobsworth, but I really don't think so.

People confusing the 'chuckle to myself' and 'does my head in' threads.

In fact it's as funny as a lot of stuff in the 'chuckle' thread itself.

:D

Tentative Andy
03-12-2009, 06:17 PM
That there's a room called Joint Facility where I work.

'New Tab' on Internet Explorer still makes me smile a lot of the time.

cobretti
03-12-2009, 06:38 PM
This is both a 'does my head in' and 'chuckle'. It's getting posted in here anyway.

When people ask staff in a shop (well, me in my shop) "Is this all the shoes you have?" or similar. Do they think we have some sort of Aladdin's cave behind our flimsy stockroom door? "Oh here you are kind sir, let me show you the way to our secret treasure trove of garments and footwear which we are holding back from customers during a bloody recession"... Some people are daft. Even dafter than me.

crackerjack
07-12-2009, 04:41 PM
Paedo bells (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2760619/Mouse-toy-recalled-over-claims-it-sings-paedophile.html)

BareBones
07-12-2009, 06:09 PM
haha, that's great.

on a more serious note:
http://www.wimp.com/scienceautotuned/

Lichen
07-12-2009, 08:10 PM
People ringing me at 4:59pm.



A friend of mine insists that you should never take a call at work after 3 or so on a friday

'they're not ringing to wish you a good weekend'.

Mr. Tea
07-12-2009, 10:34 PM
Some of the alleged 'street names' of 'commonly used drugs' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_street_names_of_drugs). Did you know that cocaine is sometimes called 'Double breasted dealing', 'Foo foo stuff' or 'Speedballs-nose-style'? Or that a drug dealer may offer you cannabis in the guise of 'Wacky Tobaccy' and that 'Orange bandits' and 'Igloo' are common names for ecstasy? My favourite is that well-known street drug alphamethylfentanyl, apparently known to those who know as 'Suck My Wooly Mammoth'.

I suspect a certain amount of jiggery-pokery here - to be honest I'm surprised not to see 'Ponce-on-the-heath', 'Russel dust' and 'Joss Ackland's spunky backpack'.