Benny Bunter

Well-known member
it's not the sort of thing i'd set out to try and write. i feel vaguely uncomfrtable about it too. but it just happened to me and becasue it was clearly well done and it made me laugh i let them keep coming.
Yeah just rinse it until you get bored might as well, they're good fun
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
The thing that's carried on from the old style into this new one are the memorable, funny phrases.

"He had come to depend on his rowing machine."

Not sure why that makes me laugh but it does.

"He had always loved travel brochures."
Yeah, these lines are funny, they come easily to you, they hit the spot - but if you're not careful they could become a cliche, you could lean on them too much and whip one out whenever the poem needs something.

He needed to avoid becoming a caricature of himself.
 

Benny Bunter

Well-known member
Very interesting to see how a writing style develops. That one's right in between your old stuff and the new, more codified, style. These newer ones are more like little vignettes focussed on one character, the older stuff just just chucks in Clive or Cyril or the Hovis Boy legs akimbo or whoever then moves on to the next thing. I don't think one's better than the other, they're just different. You can still tell it's you though.
 

luka

Well-known member
They had been displaced by the tornado. They
had to rebuild their lives. They had founded a
charity called Born Survivors. They were
accused of embezzling millions of dollars.
They were community activists. Some said
they could be abrasive. They had weathered
worse storms than this. There were questions
they had to answer. They had divorced and got
back together. They believed in the power of love.
There had been a whispering campaign. It
depended on how you defined it.
 

luka

Well-known member
It was a tremendous opportunity. Or so it seemed on the surface.
Of course he had misgivings. The political situation there was
volatile. A powder keg, he had called it. And the rebels making
inroads from their traditional areas of support in the highlands.
But the rates of profit would be almost obscene and the extraction
rights would stand for longer than he would, he was certain of
that. They had shaken him down at the airport. Of course, you
had to expect these things. It was the cost of doing business here.
The mine and the roads leading to it were heavily guarded. It
didn't pay to take half measures. The humidity was enervating.
 

luka

Well-known member
It had been a moment of weakness. He had ordered the salad.
He had always pictured their future together. Remember that
night at the ice-hockey game. His career had had to go on the
back burner. It was a case of having to juggle everyone's demands.
An indiscretion shall we say, The citalopram usually kept him
on an even keel. It was the shock of losing the dog like that.
They had both said words they probably shouldn't of done.
He didn't want her to be left cleaning up the pieces. They had
met at the laundrette.
 

luka

Well-known member
It was what it was. Royal Standard were in over their heads.
There'd been the usual argie-bargie. He'd sneaked under the
radar a bit. It was an Argentinian steakhouse. A client had
recommended it. The markets were spooked. He said the
shit was about to hit the fan. He'd walked home. It had been
the adrenaline spike, and needing time to process it. They
were Silk Cut cigarettes.
 

luka

Well-known member
It was a cashew farm close to the border. There was red mud and clover.
There were mudskippers and haywicks. There was a sea of green tentacles.
There was an extension to the house. It was called a supper club. You
shoudn't of come if you didn't want to be here. It was an aperitif. You
better get used to them. They called it Anchovy pesto. The brothers had
branded it. It was the house marinade.
It was the answer to everything.

It was the perfect specimen. They called it Anchovy pesto. It was the answer
to everything. It lay on a green bed. It was a coastline. It fluttered.
It was a family product. It was a family recipe. They guarded it closely.
It was the beauty of it. It was a testament to their success. It was a
postcard of Liguria. Their grandfather had sent it to
their grandmother. They made their own limoncello. We're not licensed
to sell it yet. They said it with a chuckle.

There was nothing it didn't go with. Try it with your mother's spam pie.
 

luka

Well-known member
He felt hollow inside. He drew a decision-tree.
He sanitised his keyboard. He dared to speak its name.
It was a break with the past. He'd had a few viewers.
They'd kept their opinions to themselves. He'd said
help yourselves to grapes. It had been
a bold move. It was a de-facto partition.
It was just what the region needed. It would give
confidence to consumers. It would encourage investment.
They would have to park it here.
It was twilight. The bats gathered, catching insects
bewitched by the lamp. Struck by the beam of it.
It was a pounding at the door.
It was the grove of cypress. He placed it at her disposal.
She was a wonderful ambassador for the brand. He
appreciated the support she'd given him, personally.
If there was anything else he could do.
Dinner had been an event. He could see that now,
in retrospect. They had served woodcock. They
had drunk a functional Chablis and a centre-
piece Bordeaux.
 

luka

Well-known member
It would have to be brief. In my office then.
It would have been difficult to say no. You
know the way he gets. The temptation had
always been there. It was an unspoken
implication.
The sale would be immediate. There were
no legal complications that he could see.
If we were to go ahead, he said
of course it would mean seeing a lot
more of one another.
 

luka

Well-known member
It would have to be your decision.
It had been a rash outburst. He would have to live
with the consequences. He put a high price on
happiness. There was a swing hanging from the
tree. And it took you out right over the glittering
water. Of the brook.
It had to be a coded confession. He had
something on his conscience. He had
a thousand things on his plate.
 

luka

Well-known member
He was ready for the next adventure. It was the
way things had panned out. He wouldn't be here
if he didn't believe that. It would take a miracle.
The foundations had rotted away. It was something
you did for the love. Intercontinental missiles,
he said, are a wonderful thing.
He wouldn't be here if he didn't believe in the place.
There were things which were more important than
money. He'd had a subtle dig
at his predecessor. It hadn't
gone unnoticed. It was just
a pilot episode. It was the
usual scenario.
He'd had to hold his tongue so as to avoid any
unpleasantness. It was a silly thing really.
Marjorie was holding up well, all things considered.
It was Christmas come early. Howard leaped right out
of his chair when he heard the news. He was a
supercilious reptile.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
It was a tremendous opportunity. Or so it seemed on the surface.
Of course he had misgivings. The political situation there was
volatile. A powder keg, he had called it. And the rebels making
inroads from their traditional areas of support in the highlands.
But the rates of profit would be almost obscene and the extraction
rights would stand for longer than he would, he was certain of
that. They had shaken him down at the airport. Of course, you
had to expect these things. It was the cost of doing business here.
The mine and the roads leading to it were heavily guarded. It
didn't pay to take half measures. The humidity was enervating.
Sounds like the setting for one of Graham Greene's novels, or possibly Le Carre. Though if it was GG the narrator wouldn't be taking advantage of the "tremendous opportunity" he would be working for the company of the guy who was, probably in a sort of middle-management role. Not at the bottom, but not at the top, and probably his position would be just a bit more lowly than you would expect for someone of his age with that much experience I'm the sector.
 

Benny Bunter

Well-known member
Are you writing these straight into dissesnsus? I could swear that last one grew in length since I last looked at it a minute ago
 
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