There's something about obligation that I can't stand. It feels like homework. I'll hoover the whole house rather than do it.
It's because you're being called to account for yourself
It's not 'read this essay I wrote for a laugh', it's 'read this essay I wrote and
you'd better have something good to say about it'.
I mean, it's that in my head anyway. Same with Crowley's rap writing.
Not that this is what the
experience will be like.
I feel the same way when someone says 'watch this, tell me what you think'. 'Listen to this 2 minute song I made, what do you think?'
My self-esteem has been tied to my ability to have interesting thoughts about things since school. I was shit at sports. All I had was my overmuscled brain. So if I fail to understand, fail to have insight - I'm left with what?