Objectively, I think THEE crappest album of ALL TIME is a compilation from 1983 called 'Directions'.
WMFU has already ripped the piss out of this online, but it's impossible to overstate how bad it is. Amid all the hip '80s new wave reclamation projects, this is like discovering a clumsily buried, rotting, rancid corpse that reminds you how bad the early years of that decade really were.
S Pizzo's joyless, leaden 'disco' song "Dance All Night Long" (complete with vocals that sound way too old for his teenybopper target) particularly stands out, as does terrible, smug poetry recited over a cheap Bontempi... fake Casio psychedelia with all the colour drained out, replaced by infantile gibberish about buttercups being murdered by "the nasty mower man"...and some of the most retarded, sexist, cringeworthy "heavy rock" ever committed to vinyl. Oh, and a protest song about abbatoirs that sounds like one of those old 'Pebble Mill At One' jazz-rock bands, but even worse.
The label, 101 Records, was basically a pay-to-play venture that released several double LPs in this vein, promising desperate musicians exposure and cramming in as many tracks as possible with seemingly zero quality control - and presumably raking in the profits months before the stampers got pressed. Also, obscure and irrelevant fact - a guitarist in one of the post-punk bands on this (trying to be a bit Joy Division-y) was a friend of the family who used to babysit me around '80/'81 (said individual and his OAP dad once chased off a bunch of NF thugs with an iron bar and a broken bottle- he had quite a hot punk girlfriend, I recall) (the guitarist, not the dad) so I'm a bit biased towards that track. A BIT.
Also, to put the cherry on the whole, miserable shitcake, the cover art is stunningly awful.