Inevitable (?) office party thread

There was some woman at my last workplace who'd put a bloke through some disciplinary procedure (for harrassment), and he'd been acquitted.He got his revenge at the Xmas party by walking up to her and punching her in the face (he got away with a caution on this one too!)

The next year there was a brawl outside the place (some sleazy ex-strip joint on Paul Street, can't remember the name but it was opposite the Fox around '99-2001) and several people ended up on disciplinaries for lamping each other. I got in a bit of strop myself, and ended up throwing beer over the DJ after he told me to 'fuck off' when I asked for a request. A couple of people managed to persuade the bouncer not to throw me out headfirst. For some inexplicable reason, I threw beer in the bouncer's face and then had to be rescued from a kicking (part of my defence was that I was going blind and he couldn't hit a disabled person, I think). Next day, 2 people had been fired for snorting coke in the toilets. There used to be this guy called the 'phantom wanker' who'd been caught cracking one off in the toilets, and it turned out he'd also groped some girl's cunt - amazingly, he kept his job, under the condition that he wasn't allowed to talk to any female members of staff (honestly), I think he's still there.

After that, they put a load of restrictions on the 'free bar' rule and started holding a massive Xmas party for company members all over the UK, and it became boring. Still, at a new company now, so will be seeing how their Xmas parties go down next week...

I don't go to ours any more, my previously quite fun* company was absorbed into a corporate behemoth full of scarf wearing cunts called Josh. I was kicked off the decks at one party for playing 'weird stuff nobody knows' (ie Beyonce, Outkast, Sean Paul - you know, the real trainspotter shit) and now if you want to play you have to send a playlist for approval. Presumably - no Kool & The Gang, no slot.

This year they're actually having it at the Misery of Sound, another fine reason not to go.

So i'm going to see Half Man Half Biscuit instead

STN said:

God, and I bet having it at Ministry of Sound is seen as a real 'Goodness, don't they look after us' type coup by the aforementioned scarf-wearing idiots.

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that's about the measure of it. The thronging Joshes will be over the moon

Just in case someone else who works here reads this and dobs me in, for the record, I have NO intention of aiming a beer bottle at the Basement Jaxx or the Killers, unless of course their insurrectionary beat causes me to lose all control of my actions, in which case they must surely be apportioned some of the blame

they're always bad i think, best to temper them with a very late meal, so people are sitting eating and drinking.
i found 80 quid at one once, quite often they are just pretty boring, seen a few sets of strangers breasts at them, people from other appartments etc. i once wnt to one in the science museum but it was at a company where half the workforce had been laid off that year, so that wasn't really a terribly happy party and i love the science museum, we were locked out of most of it though, so it could have been any building with a high ceiling.

I think my section's going for an all you can eat Chinese buffet, which is fine by me. Mixture of very timid middle-aged nerds and gregarious scouse geezer types where I work, okay in moderation I suppose.

last year some of us ended up at someone's apartment after the christmas party where a copious amount of weed was smoked, and the creative director actually passed out in front of everyone - there was a couch a few feet away and he just lay down on the floor, in the middle of the room, and went to sleep. not a horror story... quite endearing actually.

Once after a spectacularly bad year the scenes at our office party were like something out of apocalypse now - just bodies laid end to end on the pavement, puke everywhere, people weeping.

These days things are better, but some wanker always suggests doing something "fun" to increase our enjoyment. "Fun" like a medieval theme - i.e. rubbish food and compulsory participation in "hilarious" dancing with out of work actors.

Someone actually suggested a tour of the house of commons as part of the party this year. I was a bit gobsmacked by that. On the one hand it's about as far as you can get from a party, but on the other there is always the remote possibility that pre-drinks would lead to a hugely satisfying violent insurrection by office workers culminating in the total destruction of the existing order and the dawn of a new era of human community.

They have ours at lunch time in order to stop us all getting to wankered. Seems to work too.

my department's not having a christmas party this year. hooray. so its the usual finish at 1.00 on the last day of term and then wine/cheese/quiz in the hall for all staff. i find it really sweet.

i met my girlfriend at a christmas do when we worked at the same college but at different sites, so i have to say they are a beautiful thing. i remember getting a taxi into notts city centre with my (married) boss and the head of IT (name: mr christmas), who proceded to copulate wildly in front of our eyes.
then went to rock city, where purely by chance i knew about 20 people thus impressing soon-to-be girlfriend.
as far as she's concerned i've been on a downward curve ever since.

keep them coming please.

only thing i can remember from a recent christmas party is the receptionist earnestly telling me that running marathons had left her "snatch as tight as a 5 pence piece".

UPDATE - a girl shat her pants at ours

More? Er, ha ha, I don't know what else to say. Apparently female members of management had to escort her swaying frame to the toilet where she collapsed in tears and humiliation - with a big wadge of poo down her tights.

After that, sharing a taxi home with a drunk girl who it turned out lived in Hertfordshire , while trying to assure her mum over the phone that she wouldn't be raped and killed by a mad unlicensed driver, and having to stop every 10 minutes for her to spew out of the passenger window, wasn't that interesting. Oh, and someone got caught giving someone a blow job, but that happens at every party doesn't it?