version

Well-known member
I dunno what they expected to happen, they've spent years dismantling the machine which creates new Tories.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Yeah, if young people voted as assiduously as the 50+ population did, John Major would still be the most recent Tory PM.
 

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
The good news is this means the Torys are going to be ramping up their pathetic dad-in-a-baseball-cap attempts at getting down with the kids, which is always good for a laugh.
 

sufi

lala
Saturday 1 June 2019 Sunday 2 June 2019
Yet another Tory Coup May fucks off finally, nameless faceless technocrats take over the task of tory ruination, dirty tricks Boris disses Sajid Javid in an indirectly racist way - apologises insincerely - his odds improve markedly
Monday 3 June 2019 Tuesday 4 June 2019 Wednesday 5 June 2019 Thursday 6 June 2019 Friday 7 June 2019 Saturday 8 June 2019 Sunday 9 June 2019
Milk based beverages banned from public areas Mysterious fire at Downing Street Andrea Leadsome found in a "highly compromising situation" incapacitated by alcohol, drugs, semi-catatonic Tory Bigwigs declare open season on moderates, free fire, no holds barred, fistfights break out in the house, the mace is wielded Gigantic islamofascist paedo-terrorist outrage of some type or other Boris disses Sajid Javid in an directly racist way no apology offered his odds increase again Trump visits, mass protests suppressed with lethal force by Brexit militias in US supplied aircraft
Monday 10 June 2019 Tuesday 11 June 2019 Wednesday 12 June 2019 Thursday 13 June 2019 Friday 14 June 2019 Saturday 15 June 2019 Sunday 16 June 2019
Boris enlists Farage, Robinson, Josef K as campaign managers, annexes brexit party via twitter Queen Liz dies, Lord Harry annointed leader of the Dianist camp, Willy leads the Carolingians, Buck House burns Penny Mordaunt comes out for Rory Stewart, both perish in bizarre cable car incident Corbyn snapchats dancing on the grave of Diana, exiled to Venezuela Big Ben burns to the ground, several prominent members of the 1922 committee & Katy Hopkins found charred in the ruins Sajid found in highly compromising martyrdom video - rendered to Diego Garcia Watson, Mcdonell retire suddenly to Maldives
Monday 17 June 2019 Tuesday 18 June 2019 Wednesday 19 June 2019 Thursday 20 June 2019 Friday 21 June 2019 Saturday 22 June 2019 Sunday 23 June 2019
Guy Verhofstadt joins Conservatives, pledges fealty to Boris Emma Thompson, Steven Fry come out for the Tories, disclaiming former ideology as drug induced false consciousness, denouncing all and sundry Raab's British nationality deleted due to intractable Home office error, deported Matt Hancock discovered to have snaffled a gigantic haul of NHS narcotics, promoted to Brexit sec Soft wing of Tories perish en masse in suspicious circumstances in Millbank Tower collapse Amber Rudd, Damien Green hospitalised following an apparent suicide attempt, incommunicado under heavy sedation Baroness Thornberry in the next room obscurely poisoned apparently by Russians, comatose
Monday 24 June 2019 Tuesday 25 June 2019 Wednesday 26 June 2019 Thursday 27 June 2019 Friday 28 June 2019 29/06/19 Sunday 30 June 2019
Vince Cable surprises noone by backing Boris Gove reveals that Boris paid for drug sex with beasts - his odds still increase Morrissey brought in as Culture Tsar Lab-Green coalition revealed to have taken funds from Gwyneth Paltrow, trounced out of Parliament Jeffrey Archer appointed Justice Tsar Arsenal, Chelsea come out for Boris, pitched battles on the roads of Liverpool Jeremy Hunt outed as traitor due to speaking Japanese and is revealed to be undercover militant buddhist, sent to secret internment
Monday 1 July 2019 Tuesday 2 July 2019 Wednesday 3 July 2019 Thursday 4 July 2019 Friday 5 July 2019 Saturday 6 July 2019 Sunday 7 July 2019
Gove found trouserless and emasculated hanging by the leg from a tree in a south London park, death ruled misadventure Philip Green brought in as Economics Tsar UK Govt breaks off negotiations, diplomatic relations with Europe Zac Goldsmith and Toby Younge form W London cleansing squads Matt Hancock revealed to be bastard son of Michel Barnier, hanged on Tower Hill from a drone UK declares war on Iceland over yoghurt incident, naval task force dispatched, disappears without trace due to satnav errors Mysterious midnight airstrikes demolish Dalston, Brixton, Tottenham. Hackney town Hall hit by nerve gas attack
Monday 8 July 2019 Tuesday 9 July 2019 Wednesday 10 July 2019 Thursday 11 July 2019 Friday 12 July 2019 Saturday 13 July 2019 Sunday 14 July 2019
Heseltine's hung drawn and quartered corpse, Letwin's head found on a stakes on London Bridge, DUP declare martial law in NI, secede, violence ensues Willian Hague appointed head of military, pro-hunting campaigners launch purges desettlements in rural areas Marcus Fysh appointed head of church of England, enforced conversions - mosques and synagogues repurposed across south west Rees Mogg appointed inquisitor general, auto da fe established Sadiq Khan discovered attempting to flee UK in disguise, detained never to be seen again
Monday 15 July 2019 Tuesday 16 July 2019 Wednesday 17 July 2019 Thursday 18 July 2019 Friday 19 July 2019 Saturday 20 July 2019 Sunday 21 July 2019
Assange appointed minister without portfolio with responsibility for online porno, bitcoin Boris recruits Jeremy Kyle and Stacey Dooley as PPSs with responsibility for pets, families and NHS Scotland declares independence, England invades, carpet bombs Edinburgh & Glasgow, Danny Baker appointed viceroy Boris livestreamed on instagram in highly compromising position with multiple underage migrant sex workers - apologises insincerely - his odds increase Another audacious terrorist incident, this time broadcast live by BBC and involving celebs UK closes the channel tunnel, accuses France, Belgium of sabotage as pretext for declaring open military hostilities
Monday 22 July 2019 Tuesday 23 July 2019 Wednesday 24 July 2019 Thursday 25 July 2019 Friday 26 July 2019 Saturday 27 July 2019 Sunday 28 July 2019
Boris revealed to be multiple cannibal, steps down and his deputy, Piers Morgan romps home to leadership
 

comelately

Wild Horses
giphy.gif


So I went away for 2 months in late March to get away from the Brexit bollocks, and I come back to The Brexit Party and.......this.
 
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version

Well-known member
Rory Stewart concedes career 'gives appearance' that he worked for MI6 - https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/po...-gives-appearance-that-he-worked-for-MI6.html

Asked by the magazine whether he had once worked for MI6, Mr Stewart reportedly said: "It's an unfair question", while "his mother, when asked, smiled, and said, 'I wouldn't begin to know'." The article's author, Ian Parker, wrote that Mr Stewart "later suggested phrases that I might use - such as his career 'giving the appearance of' such a path.

"He added that people should have 'the very, very clear understanding that I stopped working in embassies and for the Government proper in 2000'." From then on, "I was no longer part of the system," Mr Stewart told Parker, who adds that "someone in London who is in a position to know told me that Stewart certainly was" in MI6.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I dunno why everyone's piling on with his whole opium thing. I reckon it'd be pretty rude to visit Iran and not smoke opium.
 
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john eden

male pale and stale
All of these Tories take wankers' drugs. Opium and cocaine, ffs.

Transparent tactic of trying to make themselves look more three dimensional than the sad cases they actually are.

Live-streaming of mandatory LSD dosing for all leadership candidates, sort the wheat from the chaff.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
I dunno why everyone's piling on with his whole opium thing. I reckon it'd be pretty rude to visit Iran and not smoke opium.
I thought it was Afghanistan.
Anyway, what pisses me off is the namby pamby nature of their confessions. Apparently there wasn't much in the pipe and it didn't really hit him... Johnson sneezed when he took cocaine so it didn't affect him. Didn't inhale all over again.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
A mate on FB said he was looking forward to the revelation of "Andrea Leadsom's ketamine enemas".

Great name for a punk band.
 

version

Well-known member
"Conservative leadership candidate Andrea Leadsom has revealed she smoked cannabis while at university."
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
The whole thing would be much more amusing were it not for the rank hypocrisy of a government that routinely jails mostly poor and/or dark-skinned young men for selling small amounts of the drugs these cunts are now piously pretending not to have enjoyed.
 
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