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Thread: Tory bastards

  1. #316
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    Yesterday it came out that a bunch of the Tories refer to themselves as 'Grand Wizards' and today a Tory MP apparently said she was at war with 'Cultural Marxism'...

  2. #317
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    Quote Originally Posted by version View Post
    Yesterday it came out that a bunch of the Tories refer to themselves as 'Grand Wizards' and today a Tory MP apparently said she was at war with 'Cultural Marxism'...
    I know, it's pretty worrying. As I noted on twitter yesterday, how much of a cunt have you got to be to get schooled in not-being-a-cunt by GEORGE FUCKING OSBORNE?

    osborn.JPG
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  4. #318

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    Did someone post a 1980s video of Theresa May in lift recently?

  5. #319
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    Yeah, that was me.


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  7. #320
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    It's been obvious for a while, but apparently a report has just been published showing the extent to which the Tories are "haemorrhaging support from the under-50s":

    The “tipping point age” — at which a voter is more likely to vote Tory than Labour — has risen from 47 immediately after the 2017 election to 51 today.

    The details were revealed in a poll of 10,000 voters conducted by Hanbury Strategy for the Tory think tank Onward.

    The report reveals that at elections between 1950 and 2010 the Conservatives were on average 8% behind Labour among young voters, but 9% ahead among older voters. But at the last election the age gap exploded, with the Tories 35 points behind among the under-25s and 36 points ahead with the over-65s. Onward’s study reveals that 49% of Conservative voters are now over the age of 65. Just 8% of 18 to 24-year-old women would vote Tory if an election were held today.

  8. #321
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    I dunno what they expected to happen, they've spent years dismantling the machine which creates new Tories.

  9. #322
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    Yeah, if young people voted as assiduously as the 50+ population did, John Major would still be the most recent Tory PM.
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  10. #323
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    The good news is this means the Torys are going to be ramping up their pathetic dad-in-a-baseball-cap attempts at getting down with the kids, which is always good for a laugh.

  11. #324
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corpsey View Post
    The good news is this means the Torys are going to be ramping up their pathetic dad-in-a-baseball-cap attempts at getting down with the kids, which is always good for a laugh.
    fellowkids.jpg
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  12. #325
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    Saturday 1 June 2019 Sunday 2 June 2019
    Yet another Tory Coup May fucks off finally, nameless faceless technocrats take over the task of tory ruination, dirty tricks Boris disses Sajid Javid in an indirectly racist way - apologises insincerely - his odds improve markedly
    Monday 3 June 2019 Tuesday 4 June 2019 Wednesday 5 June 2019 Thursday 6 June 2019 Friday 7 June 2019 Saturday 8 June 2019 Sunday 9 June 2019
    Milk based beverages banned from public areas Mysterious fire at Downing Street Andrea Leadsome found in a "highly compromising situation" incapacitated by alcohol, drugs, semi-catatonic Tory Bigwigs declare open season on moderates, free fire, no holds barred, fistfights break out in the house, the mace is wielded Gigantic islamofascist paedo-terrorist outrage of some type or other Boris disses Sajid Javid in an directly racist way no apology offered his odds increase again Trump visits, mass protests suppressed with lethal force by Brexit militias in US supplied aircraft
    Monday 10 June 2019 Tuesday 11 June 2019 Wednesday 12 June 2019 Thursday 13 June 2019 Friday 14 June 2019 Saturday 15 June 2019 Sunday 16 June 2019
    Boris enlists Farage, Robinson, Josef K as campaign managers, annexes brexit party via twitter Queen Liz dies, Lord Harry annointed leader of the Dianist camp, Willy leads the Carolingians, Buck House burns Penny Mordaunt comes out for Rory Stewart, both perish in bizarre cable car incident Corbyn snapchats dancing on the grave of Diana, exiled to Venezuela Big Ben burns to the ground, several prominent members of the 1922 committee & Katy Hopkins found charred in the ruins Sajid found in highly compromising martyrdom video - rendered to Diego Garcia Watson, Mcdonell retire suddenly to Maldives
    Monday 17 June 2019 Tuesday 18 June 2019 Wednesday 19 June 2019 Thursday 20 June 2019 Friday 21 June 2019 Saturday 22 June 2019 Sunday 23 June 2019
    Guy Verhofstadt joins Conservatives, pledges fealty to Boris Emma Thompson, Steven Fry come out for the Tories, disclaiming former ideology as drug induced false consciousness, denouncing all and sundry Raab's British nationality deleted due to intractable Home office error, deported Matt Hancock discovered to have snaffled a gigantic haul of NHS narcotics, promoted to Brexit sec Soft wing of Tories perish en masse in suspicious circumstances in Millbank Tower collapse Amber Rudd, Damien Green hospitalised following an apparent suicide attempt, incommunicado under heavy sedation Baroness Thornberry in the next room obscurely poisoned apparently by Russians, comatose
    Monday 24 June 2019 Tuesday 25 June 2019 Wednesday 26 June 2019 Thursday 27 June 2019 Friday 28 June 2019 29/06/19 Sunday 30 June 2019
    Vince Cable surprises noone by backing Boris Gove reveals that Boris paid for drug sex with beasts - his odds still increase Morrissey brought in as Culture Tsar Lab-Green coalition revealed to have taken funds from Gwyneth Paltrow, trounced out of Parliament Jeffrey Archer appointed Justice Tsar Arsenal, Chelsea come out for Boris, pitched battles on the roads of Liverpool Jeremy Hunt outed as traitor due to speaking Japanese and is revealed to be undercover militant buddhist, sent to secret internment
    Monday 1 July 2019 Tuesday 2 July 2019 Wednesday 3 July 2019 Thursday 4 July 2019 Friday 5 July 2019 Saturday 6 July 2019 Sunday 7 July 2019
    Gove found trouserless and emasculated hanging by the leg from a tree in a south London park, death ruled misadventure Philip Green brought in as Economics Tsar UK Govt breaks off negotiations, diplomatic relations with Europe Zac Goldsmith and Toby Younge form W London cleansing squads Matt Hancock revealed to be bastard son of Michel Barnier, hanged on Tower Hill from a drone UK declares war on Iceland over yoghurt incident, naval task force dispatched, disappears without trace due to satnav errors Mysterious midnight airstrikes demolish Dalston, Brixton, Tottenham. Hackney town Hall hit by nerve gas attack
    Monday 8 July 2019 Tuesday 9 July 2019 Wednesday 10 July 2019 Thursday 11 July 2019 Friday 12 July 2019 Saturday 13 July 2019 Sunday 14 July 2019
    Heseltine's hung drawn and quartered corpse, Letwin's head found on a stakes on London Bridge, DUP declare martial law in NI, secede, violence ensues Willian Hague appointed head of military, pro-hunting campaigners launch purges desettlements in rural areas Marcus Fysh appointed head of church of England, enforced conversions - mosques and synagogues repurposed across south west Rees Mogg appointed inquisitor general, auto da fe established Sadiq Khan discovered attempting to flee UK in disguise, detained never to be seen again
    Monday 15 July 2019 Tuesday 16 July 2019 Wednesday 17 July 2019 Thursday 18 July 2019 Friday 19 July 2019 Saturday 20 July 2019 Sunday 21 July 2019
    Assange appointed minister without portfolio with responsibility for online porno, bitcoin Boris recruits Jeremy Kyle and Stacey Dooley as PPSs with responsibility for pets, families and NHS Scotland declares independence, England invades, carpet bombs Edinburgh & Glasgow, Danny Baker appointed viceroy Boris livestreamed on instagram in highly compromising position with multiple underage migrant sex workers - apologises insincerely - his odds increase Another audacious terrorist incident, this time broadcast live by BBC and involving celebs UK closes the channel tunnel, accuses France, Belgium of sabotage as pretext for declaring open military hostilities
    Monday 22 July 2019 Tuesday 23 July 2019 Wednesday 24 July 2019 Thursday 25 July 2019 Friday 26 July 2019 Saturday 27 July 2019 Sunday 28 July 2019
    Boris revealed to be multiple cannibal, steps down and his deputy, Piers Morgan romps home to leadership

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  14. #326
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    So I went away for 2 months in late March to get away from the Brexit bollocks, and I come back to The Brexit Party and.......this.
    Last edited by comelately; 31-05-2019 at 05:45 PM. Reason: ffs, switched to image upload site

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  16. #327
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    Rory Stewart concedes career 'gives appearance' that he worked for MI6 - https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/pol...d-for-MI6.html

    Asked by the magazine whether he had once worked for MI6, Mr Stewart reportedly said: "It's an unfair question", while "his mother, when asked, smiled, and said, 'I wouldn't begin to know'." The article's author, Ian Parker, wrote that Mr Stewart "later suggested phrases that I might use - such as his career 'giving the appearance of' such a path.

    "He added that people should have 'the very, very clear understanding that I stopped working in embassies and for the Government proper in 2000'." From then on, "I was no longer part of the system," Mr Stewart told Parker, who adds that "someone in London who is in a position to know told me that Stewart certainly was" in MI6.

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  18. #328
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    I dunno why everyone's piling on with his whole opium thing. I reckon it'd be pretty rude to visit Iran and not smoke opium.
    Last edited by Mr. Tea; 02-06-2019 at 04:34 PM.
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  19. #329
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  20. #330
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    Gove trying to muscle in on Stewart's opium anecdote.

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