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Thread: Danny Dyer

  1. #1
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    Default Danny Dyer

    He's been popping up alot recently so thought he deserves it.

    "I'm moving in with some of the country's most dangerous men"



    It's the way he reads the voiceover that I like.

  2. #2
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    "I have to confess/I've got preconceived ideas/About travellers".

    Poetry.

    "I am fucking/Shitting meself".

    This is mind-boggling. He seems to have confused a traveller site with Mordor, as someone commented on there.

    "If he 'it me/I'd probably snap in 'alf".

    Someone has to sample that.
    Last edited by baboon2004; 18-02-2010 at 12:57 PM.

  3. #3
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    That tv doc he did on UFOs was absolutely hilarious.

    "THIS IS REALLY DOING MY HEAD IN - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK NOW!!!"

  4. #4
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    that episode of dangerous men with the king of the gypsies was amazing, i watched the second one and it was very disappointing in comparrison. the ufo thing was great too.

    "anxiety is comin out me ear'oles"

    he is a quote machine, everything he says is gold.
    Last edited by Immryr; 18-02-2010 at 03:10 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by john eden View Post
    That tv doc he did on UFOs was absolutely hilarious.

    "THIS IS REALLY DOING MY HEAD IN - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK NOW!!!"
    "But, is believing in something that most people find ridiculous/Really that stupid?" He's endlessly quotable.

    "I don't wanna come at 'im with a ufo ufo thing, cos he might just throw me out of 'is 'ouse!"

    Speaking about Patrick Moore.
    Last edited by baboon2004; 20-02-2010 at 08:43 AM.

  6. #6
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    Dyer comes out of as comparatively intelligent, if only by speaking less.

    At least he sounds natural. Nick Love - an ex-public schoolboy - obviously has such a big man crush on Dyer he's trying to speak like him.

    Still, he''s got the crime stats nailed. "What fucking papers do you read?" That's science, that is.

  7. #7
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    i was a bit sceptical at first but i now really like this series. this episode blew my mind - real life Gummo twins!


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  9. #9
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    More like Danny Dire amirite

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    I forgot I started this thread. I'm really glad I did.

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    already posted in the grime thread, but this is actually quite touching

    http://dai.ly/xxudmh

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    I want him to go on million pound drop.

  13. #13

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    Looks like the Danny Dyer Eastenders script has been leaked:




    INT SCENE: QUEEN VIC

    DANNY DYER is dialling a number on the bar’s telephone. TRACEY can be seen in the background washing pint glasses

    [Editors note: possibly worth killing off the Tracey character next year if she doesn’t accept a zero hours contract- we’ve taken her role about as far as it can go. Ditto Doctor Legg]

    DANNY (on phone)- All right, darling. You doing anything special tonight? Fancy going up West? I know this great Chinese buffet down Leicester Square, real classy place just a few doors down from Stringfellows. Yeah… nice one love, I’ll treat you to a good time don’t you worry gel. How about I meet you outside TK Maxx on Charing Cross Road around, say, 8 O’Clock? Yeah. Nice one darling, see you later then.

    DANNY puts down the phone with a grin on his face, silently voicing the word “Yes!”

    TRACEY- Who’s that then?

    DANNY- It’s my hot date, innit, Danny boy you are a legend! Right classy bird though she is too, bit posh- d’ya na a mean. Might have to crack open the old bottle of aftershave. Christ that reminds me- I’ve got some washing to do. Here Trace can you mind the pub for a sec while I head down the laundrette.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EXT SCENE: ALBERT SQUARE MARKET (daytime approximately 11.00am)

    DANNY can be seen striding down the street with a black bin bag full of clothes. ALFIE MOON (wearing a West Ham dressing gown and with a cup of tea in his left hand), is exiting the B&B where he lives, and accosts DANNY as the younger character passes his doorstep.

    ALFIE- Morning Danny, my son. Ere, it’s you’re night off tonight ain’t it? You wanna come round my place to watch I.D., I’ve got the new remastered DVD with the Shadwell out-takes?

    DANNY- Leave it out Alfie, you muppet! I’ve only just pulled myself a bleedin’ stunner aven’t I! Save it for next week bruv, cos if you think Danny Dyer’s gonna watch a poxy video with soppy old Alfie Moon when I can be chatting up some fit bird… you must be joking. (laughing) I.D., what are you like, mate?

    Danny walks off with a smile on his face, ALFIE stands at his doorstep looking wryly amused
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    INT SCENE: THE LAUNDERETTE

    DOT COTTON can be seen behind the counter, searching in vain for her cigarette lighter [Editors note: over the developing story arc this behavioural tic will be the dramatic device used to illustrate to the viewers DOT’S declining mental health.]

    DANNY joins DOT in the shop and slings his black bin liner of clothes onto the floor

    DANNY- Ere Dot, you couldn’t sort out these clothes for me, princess? It’s just I’m in a bit of a rush- the brewery’ll be round any minute now and I’ve got to change the kegs.

    DOT- Oh orlright Daniel.

    DANNY- Ah cheers darling, you’re a diamond.

    DOT (to herself)- Now where did I put that lighter?

    DANNY exits through the front door. The camera zooms into a CU of DANNY’s bag of clothes, focussing on a clothes label that clearly states ‘dry clean only’.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    INT SCENE: THE LAUNDERETTE.

    Several hours have passed since the previous scene and the last of the evening light illuminates the shabby shop interior. Within seconds of DANNY entering the launderette DOT passes him a basket full of laundered clothes.

    DOT- Here you go Daniel, ooh I even put some Bounce washing sheets in the dryer so the clothes don’t stick.

    DANNY- Ah, thank you Dot, you’re a right sweetheart.

    DANNY proceeds to empty the contents of the basket into a carrier bag that he has brought with him. As he handles the last item of clothing (a pink jumper) a look of horror appears on Danny’s face.

    DANNY (speaking half to himself)- Oh you must be having a bubble, not my pink jumper. I was gonna wear this on my date tonight…

    DANNY’S eyes glaze over as he visibly tries to hold back his mounting anger. After several seconds he is no longer able to restrain himself and turns to stare at DOT with a look of rage on his face.

    DANNY- Dot! I thought I told you to sort through this stuff!?

    DOT (with a concerned look on her face)- I assumed it was a 40 wash, Daniel.

    DANNY (pointing towards the label with his finger)- Forty degrees, can’t you read darling! It says dry clean only. This is a 120 pound Lacoste jumper, not some Mark Fowler market stall tat! Look at it now; it’s shrunk down to nothing and it’s bloody skintight- it’s bleedin’ ruined. Christ sake, you’re a donut- they oughta call you Dot Rotten. TELL ME DOT, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RUN A BOOZER LOOKING LIKE GRAHAM FACKING NORTON!!!

    CUT TO EXT SCENE OF LAUNDRETTE.

    The camera focuses on the shop window, through which we can see the two characters arguing, with DANNY clearly the aggressor. DOT appears frightened and barely gets a word in edgeways.

    [Editor’s note: while I’m conscious of the fact that EE broadcasts pre-watershed I feel that as Danny Dyer is such a great character actor it would be a shame if we were to cast him in a role where he is not allowed to curse. It’s rare that we get a star of such calibre on the show and I hope that the scriptwriting team are able to devise new techniques such as this one that can allow us to imply the use of swearwords without audibly recording them- what with the Saville affair the BBC can ill afford any more controversy]

    The contents of their conversation are muffled, but DANNY can clearly be seen to mouth the phrases “caaaaaaant!”, and “mug me off like a Millwall slag” [editors note: possibly omit references to Millwall- not sure if it will be understood in the Shires].

    DANNY storms out of the Launderette in a fit of rage

    CUT TO INT SCENE OF LAUNDERETTE.

    DOT appears visibly shaken by DANNY’s verbal onslaught, and has to sit on a chair to calm herself down. All the while she searches in vain for her lighter, with her hands shaking as if she is experiencing the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.

  14. #14

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    Part two of the Danny Dyer Eastenders script, first part on previous page

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EXT SCENE: ALBERT SQUARE MARKET (daytime, approximately 10am)

    DANNY slowly walks through the square, looking slightly upset. It is inferred that his dinner date the previous night was not a successful one. He is approached by PATRICK TRUEMAN, who speaks to him in his trademark West Indian drawl.

    PATRICK- Whoa, Danny bwoy. I heard you got yourself a damn fine looking woman last night. Care to share any details?

    DANNY- Oh give me a break, Patrick. You not got something better to be doing than to be poking into other people’s love life? They’re repeating Desmonds on Channel 4, why don’t you go home and turn the telly on, you woolly.

    CUT TO INT SCENE OF KATH’S CAFF.

    DANNY enters the crowded café and approaches the counter. Standing before him in the queue, with her back to him, is DOT. DANNY rolls his eyes. Clearly he is ashamed of his behaviour the night before. He wipes his face with his hand so as to compose himself.

    DANNY- Here, er, Dot. I just wanted to apologise for how I got on last night with the aggro. I dunno what got into me. I was out of order.

    DOT cautiously looks DANNY in the eye but remains silent

    DANNY- You’re probably thinking I’m a right wrong’un and all. But I swear to you I didn’t mean those things I said. I would never- ever- punch a doris. I’ve always been respectful to women. If my old man heard what I said to you last night he would give me a bloody good hiding, I can tell you that. I swear on my beautiful daughter’s life it won’t ever happen again.

    DOT- Ooh. Well I accept your apology Daniel. It’s good of you to make amends. We all make mistakes.

    DANNY- Thing is though Dot I was right about one thing though wasn’t I. You’re getting too old to be running a launderette if you’re gonna be making mistakes like that with the jumper. So I’ve come to a decision. I’m going to buy my own washing machine.

    DOT- You what?

    DANNY- My own washing machine Dot, I’m going to get one installed.

    DOT (after a long pause)- But how, Daniel?

    DANNY- I’ve seen them advertised in the Walford Gazette, there’s a fella down the road that builds them into your kitchen unit. You can buy them in Currys.

    DOT- Do you mean to say that you can have washing machines, in your own house?

    DANNY- Yeah, Dot. Tumble dryers an’ all. Anyway darling I’ve gotta nash. I just wanted to say how sorry I was for talking out of turn to you. In any case I probably won’t be round the Launderette much more, but next time you’re in The Vic you can have a G&T on the house. Cheerio, love

    DANNY exits the café. The serving girl behind the counter asks DOT what her order is but the latter doesn’t hear her. DOT stands facing the door as if she’s transfixed. Her hands visibly shaking, once again she fumbles through her pockets in search of her cigarettes. Finally managing to produce a Regal King Size from her tweed jacket, she is awoken from her stupor by one of the café’s customers, market trader MO SLATER

    MO- Ere Dot, don’t you remember you’re not allowed no snout inside no more, it’s been years since we ‘ad the smoking ban.

    DOT acknowledges MO’s words with a raised eyebrow. She exits the café, looking very confused.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EXT SCENE: ALBERT SQUARE MARKET (daytime, approximately 4pm)

    A man in a hard hat and a yellow high visibility vest can be seen directing a lorry, which is slowly reversing into the narrow market place. The vehicle comes precariously close to knocking over the stalls, much to the consternation of the market traders. With all this commotion, most of the residents and shopkeepers step outside to see what all the fuss is about. Finally the lorry stops outside The Vic. The man in the hard hat jumps aboard the rear of the lorry and lowers the tail lift. As it approaches the ground, the door of The Vic opens and out comes DANNY, wearing claret & blue slippers. The lorry driver steps out of his cab and gets DANNY to sign a receipt. At this point the whole of Albert Square can see the delivered item- a large fridge sized polystyrene encased box. But it is not yet clear what is inside the box.

    CUT TO EXT SCENE OF LAUNDRETTE.

    DOT emerges from the Launderette with a cigarette in her mouth. Just as she’s about to light her fag she spies the polystyrene box as it is being wheeled into the pub. Her eye catches the printed sign on the cardboard- ZANUSSI. The unlit cigarette drops from DOT’S mouth to the ground. The camera zooms into a CU of her face. Her eyes are clouded with fear.

    CUE EPISODE ENDING DRUMBEAT
    CUT TO CREDITS

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by owengriffiths View Post
    Part two of the Danny Dyer Eastenders script, first part on previous page

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EXT SCENE: ALBERT SQUARE MARKET (daytime, approximately 10am)

    DANNY slowly walks through the square, looking slightly upset. It is inferred that his dinner date the previous night was not a successful one. He is approached by PATRICK TRUEMAN, who speaks to him in his trademark West Indian drawl.

    PATRICK- Whoa, Danny bwoy. I heard you got yourself a damn fine looking woman last night. Care to share any details?

    DANNY- Oh give me a break, Patrick. You not got something better to be doing than to be poking into other people’s love life? They’re repeating Desmonds on Channel 4, why don’t you go home and turn the telly on, you woolly.

    CUT TO INT SCENE OF KATH’S CAFF.

    DANNY enters the crowded café and approaches the counter. Standing before him in the queue, with her back to him, is DOT. DANNY rolls his eyes. Clearly he is ashamed of his behaviour the night before. He wipes his face with his hand so as to compose himself.

    DANNY- Here, er, Dot. I just wanted to apologise for how I got on last night with the aggro. I dunno what got into me. I was out of order.

    DOT cautiously looks DANNY in the eye but remains silent

    DANNY- You’re probably thinking I’m a right wrong’un and all. But I swear to you I didn’t mean those things I said. I would never- ever- punch a doris. I’ve always been respectful to women. If my old man heard what I said to you last night he would give me a bloody good hiding, I can tell you that. I swear on my beautiful daughter’s life it won’t ever happen again.

    DOT- Ooh. Well I accept your apology Daniel. It’s good of you to make amends. We all make mistakes.

    DANNY- Thing is though Dot I was right about one thing though wasn’t I. You’re getting too old to be running a launderette if you’re gonna be making mistakes like that with the jumper. So I’ve come to a decision. I’m going to buy my own washing machine.

    DOT- You what?

    DANNY- My own washing machine Dot, I’m going to get one installed.

    DOT (after a long pause)- But how, Daniel?

    DANNY- I’ve seen them advertised in the Walford Gazette, there’s a fella down the road that builds them into your kitchen unit. You can buy them in Currys.

    DOT- Do you mean to say that you can have washing machines, in your own house?

    DANNY- Yeah, Dot. Tumble dryers an’ all. Anyway darling I’ve gotta nash. I just wanted to say how sorry I was for talking out of turn to you. In any case I probably won’t be round the Launderette much more, but next time you’re in The Vic you can have a G&T on the house. Cheerio, love

    DANNY exits the café. The serving girl behind the counter asks DOT what her order is but the latter doesn’t hear her. DOT stands facing the door as if she’s transfixed. Her hands visibly shaking, once again she fumbles through her pockets in search of her cigarettes. Finally managing to produce a Regal King Size from her tweed jacket, she is awoken from her stupor by one of the café’s customers, market trader MO SLATER

    MO- Ere Dot, don’t you remember you’re not allowed no snout inside no more, it’s been years since we ‘ad the smoking ban.

    DOT acknowledges MO’s words with a raised eyebrow. She exits the café, looking very confused.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EXT SCENE: ALBERT SQUARE MARKET (daytime, approximately 4pm)

    A man in a hard hat and a yellow high visibility vest can be seen directing a lorry, which is slowly reversing into the narrow market place. The vehicle comes precariously close to knocking over the stalls, much to the consternation of the market traders. With all this commotion, most of the residents and shopkeepers step outside to see what all the fuss is about. Finally the lorry stops outside The Vic. The man in the hard hat jumps aboard the rear of the lorry and lowers the tail lift. As it approaches the ground, the door of The Vic opens and out comes DANNY, wearing claret & blue slippers. The lorry driver steps out of his cab and gets DANNY to sign a receipt. At this point the whole of Albert Square can see the delivered item- a large fridge sized polystyrene encased box. But it is not yet clear what is inside the box.

    CUT TO EXT SCENE OF LAUNDRETTE.

    DOT emerges from the Launderette with a cigarette in her mouth. Just as she’s about to light her fag she spies the polystyrene box as it is being wheeled into the pub. Her eye catches the printed sign on the cardboard- ZANUSSI. The unlit cigarette drops from DOT’S mouth to the ground. The camera zooms into a CU of her face. Her eyes are clouded with fear.

    CUE EPISODE ENDING DRUMBEAT
    CUT TO CREDITS

    MORE!

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