scottdisco
rip this joint please
a little premature, and there are already other threads that are zesty, but, hey...
UK GENERAL ELECTION THURSDAY MAY 6th 2010
- Thread starter scottdisco
- Start date
Sectionfive
bandwagon house
May I get my commiserations in early .
This might be old but ye will need all the cheering up ya can get tomorrow..
While walking down the street one day, an MP is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a politicians around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the MP.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the MP.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules," said St. Peter, and escorts him to the elevator. and he goes down, down to Hell.
The doors open, and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who he had worked with.
They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of ordinary hard working people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens on Heaven where St.Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, choose the place where you want to spend eternity."
He reflects for a minute and then answers: "Well, I thought I'd never say this, but, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but on reflection, I think I would be better off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down to Hell.
Now, the doors of the elevator open, and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot. Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable.
The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the MP. "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, we danced and had a great time. Now it is all wasteland, full of garbage, and my friends look miserable."
The Devil looks at him, smiles, and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.
..........today you gave us your vote."
badum... tish
This might be old but ye will need all the cheering up ya can get tomorrow..
While walking down the street one day, an MP is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a politicians around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the MP.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the MP.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules," said St. Peter, and escorts him to the elevator. and he goes down, down to Hell.
The doors open, and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who he had worked with.
They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of ordinary hard working people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens on Heaven where St.Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, choose the place where you want to spend eternity."
He reflects for a minute and then answers: "Well, I thought I'd never say this, but, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but on reflection, I think I would be better off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down to Hell.
Now, the doors of the elevator open, and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot. Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable.
The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the MP. "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, we danced and had a great time. Now it is all wasteland, full of garbage, and my friends look miserable."
The Devil looks at him, smiles, and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.
..........today you gave us your vote."
badum... tish
scottdisco
rip this joint please
local men clash w immigrant in hustings stand-off
mos dan
fact music
i can't sleep, which doesn't bode well for tomorrow, since the key seats don't start coming in til after 3.. fully expect to still be up at 7am
these are the two key pieces for me
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/apr/29/mervyn-king-warns-election-victor the great un(der)reported story: whoever gets in, we are utterly fucked
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...avid-cameronrsquos-model-borough-1962318.html johann hari says everything you ever need to read about cameron's tories. my god he's got so good since he was the 23-year-old scourge of private eye (back when he repeatedly got things very very wrong)
sorry i'm sure these pieces have been posted elsewhere already, i'm too tired to check
these are the two key pieces for me
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/apr/29/mervyn-king-warns-election-victor the great un(der)reported story: whoever gets in, we are utterly fucked
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...avid-cameronrsquos-model-borough-1962318.html johann hari says everything you ever need to read about cameron's tories. my god he's got so good since he was the 23-year-old scourge of private eye (back when he repeatedly got things very very wrong)
sorry i'm sure these pieces have been posted elsewhere already, i'm too tired to check
crackerjack
Well-known member
That Hari piece is a blinder.
I console myself that I live in the only probable Labour gain in the country.
Eeverything else is doom.
crackerjack
Well-known member
it would be cruel not to laugh
mistersloane
heavy heavy monster sound
I thought this was tounge in cheek. It was with a dawning sense of horror I realised it wasn't!
WTF!
computer_rock
Well-known member
it was done for one of those completely vacuous newsnight closing features. the guy said it was a 'challenge' writing a pro-conservative song so whilst not strictly tongue in cheek, it wasn't serious either.
scottdisco
rip this joint please
Pearson of Rannoch is a genuinely malign force, speaking of Ukip. i noted at their conference speech he gave a (admittedly, totally predictable and we knew it was coming, but still) goalposts-shifting turn in which European integration was just one of many concerns, but all the other concerns were packaged up in such a way as to sound to the right of the Tories, definitively torpedoing any media spin that Ukip's top brass are just sober wonks concerned w the opaqueness of Brussels. oh no, it's turns out you're the usual small-state ideologues w some unjustified preconceived ideas.
and what were those concerns?
why, immigration and climate change (the basic message was not much more subtle than 'it's a bit of a con, i think, don't you know, more or less, and, in addition, we need to resist the overbearing governments of this earth in their hubristic methods to try to do something about it') were two of the big ones.
quelle surprise.
a fucking shower.
i'd love to heckle Bob Bailey (that BNP PPC, Romford) w something about him pissing back off to Scunthorpe, the bloody migrant.
and what were those concerns?
why, immigration and climate change (the basic message was not much more subtle than 'it's a bit of a con, i think, don't you know, more or less, and, in addition, we need to resist the overbearing governments of this earth in their hubristic methods to try to do something about it') were two of the big ones.
quelle surprise.
a fucking shower.
i'd love to heckle Bob Bailey (that BNP PPC, Romford) w something about him pissing back off to Scunthorpe, the bloody migrant.
scottdisco
rip this joint please
i just tried to embed - everybody will be pleased to hear, i'm sure - the Blackadder The Third by-election episode, but sadly nothing doing.
legendary, the soon-to-be-ex Dennis Lill to the Prince Regent, I dined hugely orf a servant before coming to town
"You eat your servants?"
No sir! I eat orf 'em.
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
i just tried to embed - everybody will be pleased to hear, i'm sure - the Blackadder The Third by-election episode, but sadly nothing doing.
legendary, the soon-to-be-ex Dennis Lill to the Prince Regent, I dined hugely orf a servant before coming to town
"You eat your servants?"
No sir! I eat orf 'em.
Haha, superb. Also love the line about the returning officer who "accidentally brutally cut his head off while brushing his hair" or whatever it is.
scottdisco
rip this joint please
Haha, superb. Also love the line about the returning officer who "accidentally brutally cut his head off while brushing his hair" or whatever it is.
and what must surely (?) have been a playful dig (i hope Nomad doesn't see this
) at Kinnock's nationality as the youthful PM Pitt makes his maiden appearance in the House, and 'calls upon the Leader of the Opposition to test me on my Latin vocab', at which point a sheep's baa-ing can very clearly be heard...Yikes. And here I was thinking a Tory government wouldn't be that bad