baboon2004
Darned cockwombles.
Is it possible to be friends with one's ex(es) in a healthy manner, or is it just the slow route to madness?
Discuss.
Discuss.
As unhelpful as it sounds, it depends. On SO many factors.
I've had relationships where we both realised that it wasn't going to work / had run its course. There was no anger or resentment, and we've stayed friends. Sometimes you end up having drunken sex a few times after you split up but it's best to keep a lid on that.
Other times - usually either because there was some anger or trauma to the split - affairs, unresolved feelings, or just deep feelings gone wrong - it either never works, or takes time.
For what it's worth, of my 6 or 7 long term relationships, I'm on great terms with 2 or 3, in friendly contact with a couple and hope never to see the last two ever again unless I'm armed to the fucking teeth.
there's no right or wrong or norm here. Usually, though, the more emotional / intense the split, the longer it'll take to move onto a friendship level, even if you want to. All too often, in the early stages of a painful split you end up "being friends" as a means of not letting go, of not facing facts. Times like that, I think it pays to be quite brutal about it and actually contrive to keep the fuck away from each other for a good long while.
really can't imagine being best friends with any of my exes, particularly the more recent ones before getting married. even if they are decent people and you parted on ok terms, you just want to move on with your life, don't you?
closest i've come is becoming facebook friends with an ex who i hadn't had any contact with (or even thought about, actually) in more than 10 years. that amount of time, plus we're both happily married to others, made it pretty easy. while i don't have a desire to become close friends, but i'd probably meet her for a drink or something if the topic ever came up.
i think it kind of depends on how reasonable a person you are, which is to say if you're pretty unreasonable and emotional, like me, it's almost certainly a bad idea.
in my experience when you've just broken up with someone/someone has broken up with you, and they insist they still want to be friends, it's either a fairly empty gesture or they're saying it in almost a knee-jerk way because you've both been living so much in each other's pockets for so long that they find it hard to contemplate what their life would be like - logistically, i mean - when you're gone. I'm on polite speaking terms with all of my exes but none of them i'd consider as a genuine friend. But then all my break-ups have been pretty messy, truth be told, with much anger, guilt and resentment, and toxic grudges that have been festering for months suddenly erupting in the form of maudlin late night phone calls and catty remarks made to family members and stuff.
maybe having some sort of relationship with an ex is easier once some time has passed and both parties have moved on to their own new relationships. if you're happy in your new relationship, then you feel good about yourself in general and the silliness/pettiness of the past doesn't really matter anymore. if both of you are happy in your individual next-releationship situations, then it's even easier.
sometimes the concept of staying friends is just an immediate reaction to the breakup, but it fades over time as your life moves on and you meet other people. and sometimes you have to make a clean break from the past in order to successfully move forward.
Is it possible to be friends with one's ex(es) in a healthy manner, or is it just the slow route to madness?
Discuss.