asexuality/celibacy

zhao

there are no accidents
An ex of mine, who generally had a pretty high sex drive, once told me that sometimes when she masturbates she isn't thinking about anything sexual at all, but just enjoying the sensation. Which, to me, sounds crazy, but there you go.

i've heard the same, many times. i think this MIGHT be, according to my VERY LIMITED, SECOND HAND knowledge, more common with women than men (is that sexist???)
 

craner

Beast of Burden
Do you remember in the old days when people used to say, "I'm feeling so randy!" Or, "I was having a bonk" or "we were bonking."

Nobody feels randy any more, and nobody bonks.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
What's wrong with being sexy?

I suppose the more pertinent question for this thread is, what's wrong with not being sexy?

Re. "bonking" - hard to think of a word more redolent of the 80s/early 90s. I like the variant "boinking", which has a sort of Brooklyn-Jewish ring to it.
 

craner

Beast of Burden
What is the etymology of 'to bonk'? You're right, though, it reeks of soft porn magazines and wine bar waitresses from 1991.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Onomatopoeia, surely?

Books about bonking:

Jackie+Collins+Novels.png
 

slowtrain

Well-known member
This:



is not necessarily paradoxical. Men's bodies produce semen all the time and if enough of it builds up, it can be physically uncomfortable. It needs to get out.

And it's not just asexuals that can divorce physical pleasure from sexual desire. An ex of mine, who generally had a pretty high sex drive, once told me that sometimes when she masturbates she isn't thinking about anything sexual at all, but just enjoying the sensation. Which, to me, sounds crazy, but there you go.

I do that all the time.

Do people really not do that?

Just the same as like scratching yr armpit or rubbing your feet on the carpet to me
 

zhao

there are no accidents
I do that all the time.

Do people really not do that?

Just the same as like scratching yr armpit or rubbing your feet on the carpet to me

for me for sure not. sexual imagery, in real time or not, is just as if not more important than the physical sensations.
 

grizzleb

Well-known member
I've heard the 'women like the physical sensation/men like sexual imagery' thing a load before. I think it's probably somehwhat accurate. At least to the extent that for men I'd imagine the feeling cannot be divorced from the imagery (used in the broadest sense). I wonder why that is. Wish the bold nomad was about to set us all straight.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
No doubt there is some considerable correlation between the way men have used (and continue to use) women as status symbols that explains men's primary focus upon the visual. Whereas, in a historical sense, before any kind of labour equality, women have been encouraged to seek a good husband, meaning one who has resources, over looks.

Obviously just broad trends, but can't help but have had a profound effect on men's deviation from what sex is in and of itself, to a more alienated view that incorporates the mind's eye of other men. but hell, a human history is a difficult thing to undo. and anyways, it's a whole lot more complicated than that, sex is always about a lot of stuff. but that's maybe a start.
 
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Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Whereas, in a historical sense, before any kind of labour equality, women have been encouraged to seek a good husband, meaning one who has resources, over looks.

Looks and resources are not uncorrelated, though. A tall, well-built guy with good teeth, skin and so on can probably feed himself (and, by implication, any potential children) better than a scrawny, bow-legged runt with half his teeth missing.

Of course this still applies, when you look at how much people of both sexes spend on clothes, gym membership, hair and skincare regimes, tooth-related products and the rest. And that's before we even start talking about cosmetic surgery. (OK, so some spray-tanned tart with fake knockers probably isn't your or my idea of hot, but nonetheless, people who spend at least some money on their appearance tend to look more attractive than people who pay no regard to it at all.)
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
I agree that they're not completely uncorrelated in extreme cases and more to the point when people get older then skincare regimes/good living begin to tell more, but put two twentysomethings' faces together and it'd be next to impossible to tell who is the richer.

Most men I have ever known/observed would at least be somewhat drawn towards an incredibly good looking girl with few career prospects over a plainish girl who has a good career*. Obviously there are extra problems once you start talking about this stuff, but my point is just that men use women's pulchritude to bolster their status, and so that this has taken on a sexual aspect whereby imagery turns a man on is unsurprising.

Obv definitively proving the argument I put forward would be very tricky, but it would seem to me a good starting point towards explaining what people have observed re men and women's sexual behaviours.

Edit: I'd say the point about 'beauty regimes' is very interesting though, but think it's slightly different. To me it's a natural extension of making money out of people's insecurities - telling them they need stuff they never knew they wanted, creating new markets etc. Obviously this has been going on with women for ages (and what are most women's magazines but continuous advertorials?), but with men there must've been an exploding market in this type of thing over the past decade. I blame Men's Health magazine.



Looks and resources are not uncorrelated, though. A tall, well-built guy with good teeth, skin and so on can probably feed himself (and, by implication, any potential children) better than a scrawny, bow-legged runt with half his teeth missing.

Of course this still applies, when you look at how much people of both sexes spend on clothes, gym membership, hair and skincare regimes, tooth-related products and the rest. And that's before we even start talking about cosmetic surgery. (OK, so some spray-tanned tart with fake knockers probably isn't your or my idea of hot, but nonetheless, people who spend at least some money on their appearance tend to look more attractive than people who pay no regard to it at all.)
 
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Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I agree that they're not completely uncorrelated in extreme cases and more to the point when people get older then skincare regimes/good living begin to tell more, but put two twentysomethings' faces together and it'd be next to impossible to tell who is the richer.

Hmm, you're probably right about it being more important as you get older but I reckon it would probably show even with young people. Ignoring cultural signifiers like hair style, there's still the effect of diet on hair and skin.

And even in terms of facial structure, I reckon there's an identifiable caste of posh people in this country. I see them in west London when I catch the coach to Oxford and they're all over Oxford too, of course. It's hard to describe but there is a certain look that's not just to do with clothes and hair.

Most men I have ever known/observed would at least be somewhat drawn towards an incredibly good looking girl with few career prospects over a plainish girl who has a good career*.

Thing is though, being incredibly good looking is a career prospect in itself, especially for women.

Edit: I'd say the point about 'beauty regimes' is very interesting though, but think it's slightly different. To me it's a natural extension of making money out of people's insecurities - telling them they need stuff they never knew they wanted, creating new markets etc. Obviously this has been going on with women for ages (and what are most women's magazines but continuous advertorials?), but with men there must've been an exploding market in this type of thing over the past decade. I blame Men's Health magazine.

Yeah, for sure. There are cultures where both men and women, or in some cases men moreso than women, go to extremes to conform with that culture's standard of beauty (what's that ethnic group on Africa that has a tradition of male beauty contests judged by women?). And there are places where the things people do to themselves to be 'beautiful' make boob jobs look pretty tame - those women with horribly distended necks held up by dozens of metal rings, foot binding in China, ritual scarification in parts of Africa - I guess the difference is that things like that are low-tech and 'home made', to some extent, whereas it's an enormous industry in the developed world. As well as parts of the developing world - you know how massive skin-lightening creams are in India, right? You can get them in chemists in London, too.
 
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baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
And even in terms of facial structure, I reckon there's an identifiable caste of posh people in this country. I see them in west London when I catch the coach to Oxford and they're all over Oxford too, of course. It's hard to describe but there is a certain look that's not just to do with clothes and hair.

yes - 'horsey'. Too much inbreeding.
 
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