Aging (Gen X Midlife Crisis and Other Topics of little Consequence)

zhao said:

my life is STILL all about drugs, sex, and rocking parties.

Click to expand...

Sounds awful.

'Midlife crisis' is for wimps. I've been having an "age" crisis since I was 18. I am also mildly (and, I suppose, harmlessly) obsessed with time, timing, chrononlogy, dates. Since the age of 30 I have been rocked by the most severe age crisis since going from 18-20. During the bulk of my twenties, I worked hard at acquiring the accoutrements of adulthood, but without taking on any of the responsibilities or burdens. The result looked, I suspect, slightly odd and comic and flakey, like a cheap stucco exterior. It cracked and peeled with the onset of age which instills a deep sense of fear and even terror, especially as time seems to warp and weeks and seasons accelerate with familiarity and repetition. But when I say "with the onset of age" I mean, by my definition, 27 on.

I have said this before (I think) and it's true: not getting your shit sorted in time does make life more exciting in many ways, so long as you are not plagued by ill-health or poverty. Nothing has been settled, which is as exhilirating as it is alarming the older you get. For about 5 years I have been trying to get to the point where 1) I can buy some space to live in, a base that I own, Anglo-Saxon sucker that I am, and 2) be in a position to travel more, which I have managed to avoid for most of my life for a number of unsatisfactory reasons. I also have some family commitments that I take seriously, Celtic sucker that I am. These three things have dominated my choices in the last 5 years which have been, at times admittedly, a living hell. But the destination is...radiant. I am alone and have achieved and learnt nothing. All the good stuff is still to come!

Luka turned 34 today and he is super-excited by all the possibilities that lie ahead of him. Happy Birthday, Luke!

feel you completely, eazy z.

i did all the super rad anarchosquat rave the planet bullshit i dreamed of as a teen
by the time i was 25, and have been living in the shadows of my stellar youth ever since.

at 38, i still get fucked up lots, still spin records, still fuck women in shiny clothes
whenever the opportunity presents itself.

i had a corporate job and a house in the suburbs for a minute there.

spent actual months in mental institutions because of it.

post-breakdown, i make ok money, though elk terrine and hardwood floors fail to satisfy my acardipane heart.

the fact that i was the first nerd to play gabber in savannakhet means nothing in the square world, nor does my having slept on a sofa with russell haswell (we did not have sex.)

i feel as if i have no direction whatsoever. i spend nearly every waking moment reminiscing and/or wondering whether i'd be happier hopping freight trains or living as a laptop dilettante in transnistria.

my sameage-ish friends are more or less
similar.

you dissensus persons are smart as hell.

please tell me what i should do.

Grow up.