How angry are you with your mum and dad still

[baboon2004]

Engage by employing a bit of reading comprehension (maybe reading between the lines) and a bit of empathy. Rather than relentlessly trying to win the argument like some kind of robot.

I am definitely out of here.

[luka]

Most angry man on dissensus gets really angry explaining how he's not angry, ever, with anyone and least of all with his dear sainted parents.

[john eden]

It is undeniable that a lot of people feel more empathy for their parents as they get older though. And that a large number of the ones that don't are filled with regret after their parents die.

I'm not telling anyone how they should feel, but Droid is right that the framing of this thread is unhelpful. It simply isn't the case that feeling angry with your parents is a natural thing. Are we really saying that this is something that the majority of people have felt, across time and across different human cultures?

[Mr. Tea]

the murder rate would go through the roof if everyone did this

But perhaps the resulting purge in annoying people would have the effect of cleansing and rejuvenating our ailing society.

[luka]

Don't worry John. If you don't have any problems why think about it? Same with droid. Why the need to keep picking at the scab. Lots of other threads to engage with.

[Mr. Tea]

I am serious. Unless youve been the victim of actual abuse of some kind then the assumption that everyone must automatically be angry at their parents... Its just asnine.

Right. But why is that an exclusively "middle-class" thing?

[john eden]

I think people are avoiding mentioning why they are personally angry with their parents, which is completely understandable and I wouldn't really want to get into that here. But it does make for a bit of an abstract conversation.

Would it be more useful to broaden the discussion out into what parenting is, or could be?

My parents were quite strict and uptight and I think I have warmed to them more as I have got to know them better as people (rather than someone trapped in a role) and they have relaxed a bit and been able to say that being a parent was quite hard and that they made mistakes etc.

I think this is one of the problems at the heart of the nuclear family, but I am by no means advocating some hippy shit in the here and now as an alternative as people I know brought up in situations like that seem even more screwed up.

[luka]

There's a defensiveness there that some people might be inclined to like, read stuff into, lol

[john eden]

Don't worry John. If you don't have any problems why think about it? Same with droid. Why the need to keep picking at the scab. Lots of other threads to engage with.

I'm not saying I don't have any problems, LOL.

Were you just hoping for a bunch of replies where people simply rated their anger at their parents out of 10 and said nothing else?

[john eden]

There's a defensiveness there that some people might be inclined to like, read stuff into, lol

There is defensiveness on both sides, which is why it is so compelling.

[Lichen]

Not as angry as I am with my children.

[Mr. Tea]

Most angry man on dissensus gets really angry explaining how he's not angry, ever, with anyone and least of all with his dear sainted parents.

I think it must be an Irish thing. Like, dissing your ma and da is the next worst thing to stealing a crucifix from the sacristy and chucking it in a Portaloo.

[droid]

Most angry man on dissensus gets really angry explaining how he's not angry, ever, with anyone and least of all with his dear sainted parents.

lol. Typical Luka. Frame an ambiguous assertion, get defensive when it's basic faults are pointed out and then strawman a bit to try and stir up more shit to cover up his folly.

[droid]

Engage by employing a bit of reading comprehension (maybe reading between the lines) and a bit of empathy. Rather than relentlessly trying to win the argument like some kind of robot.

I am definitely out of here.

Try, NOT reading between the lines and actually read what was written rather than becoming furiously offended for no apparent reason.

[droid]

I think it must be an Irish thing. Like, dissing your ma and da is the next worst thing to stealing a crucifix from the sacristy and chucking it in a Portaloo.

I have two children. It throws parenting into a completely different light. Without that experience you are only getting half of the story and it makes it far easier to forgive all those petty 'normal' resentments and grudges that build up over adolescence.

Thats not to say that there aren't plenty of valid reasons to be angry at your parents ranging from low level emotional distance, lack of attention etc to outright neglect, bullying and abuse - but that's not what this thread is about is it? Its about the normality of middle aged men still being angry at parents