How angry are you with your mum and dad still

luka

Well-known member
I wouldnt trust someone that wasn't at all angry but the older you get the more you want to like, get over it right?
 

john eden

male pale and stale
Hardly at all because they did their best to overcome the shit they inherited from their parents/upbringing.

I don't like playing the ooh I'm a Dad card, but you see your parents in a completely new light when you are one.

That said, we're not close...
 

luka

Well-known member
They do do their best and they generally have harsher weirder 'shit' to overcome but knowing and appreciating that isn't enough, by itself, to completely forgive them
 

luka

Well-known member
Because these are all wounds that date back to when you were at your most vulnerable. For me taking loads of acid and mushrooms in late teens early twenties really helped. Even just first of all to clock on to and acknowledge how furious I was. It's not usually at the forefront of yer consciousness after alll
 

john eden

male pale and stale
They do do their best and they generally have harsher weirder 'shit' to overcome but knowing and appreciating that isn't enough, by itself, to completely forgive them

Well I don't know. I have more pressing things to think about ;-)
 

luka

Well-known member
Two tantrums away from being a padraig... Can't imagine your parents are exempt from that
 

luka

Well-known member
i do realise that often its more a curious form of tone deafness than actual anger thats why i dont get wound up any more.
 

sufi

lala
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...o-21-days-without-a-whinge-took-me-six-months
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tim-ferriss/no-complaint-experiment_b_5610433.html
The rules are ostensibly simple: put an elastic band on one wrist. Every time you complain, switch it over to the other wrist. Repeat, until the band has remained on one wrist for three weeks.
i really like the sound of that. I like to think I already try my best not to tell lies though not to the "Radical honesty" extent. and though i am maybe already quite over-mindful, i like the idea of projecting positivity this way...
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
an alarmingly well-timed thread (in my world at least). Liking the title too - beats Oliver James' Larkin steal hands down.

people who aren't angry with their parents are either
- in the lucky 10% whose parents were actually good enough, and who ensured that no topic was off limits for discussion (the most important thing of all, imo - everyone fucks up, admitting to it is the thing)
- psychopathically in denial.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.

john eden

male pale and stale
an alarmingly well-timed thread (in my world at least). Liking the title too - beats Oliver James' Larkin steal hands down.

people who aren't angry with their parents are either
- in the lucky 10% whose parents were actually good enough, and who ensured that no topic was off limits for discussion (the most important thing of all, imo - everyone fucks up, admitting to it is the thing)
- psychopathically in denial.

I'm gonna be 50 in a few years. The only excuse for being angry with your parents at my age is if they actually abused you.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
I think that bringing to consciousness one's anger against one's parents is positive rather than negative in a society that is so repressed (especially when it comes to family), whenever that occurs in life - but equally there's a massive difference between being angry and being consumed by anger, so I take your point.

My take on it is that abuse takes many, many forms, and i think that's a big problem - many people don't recognise the abuse that was visited upon them AS abuse initially, because it doesn't fit the classic abuse narrative. And that can be extremely difficult to untangle.
 

luka

Well-known member
And you don't get to choose whether you're angry. It's either there, pent up and acidic, or its not. You can't think or moralise your way out of it.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
Totally. Difference between working through something intellectually and working through something emotionally is...well, they're two entirely different things.
 

john eden

male pale and stale
Well maybe I have worked it all through, or maybe I am repressed.

Or maybe something in the middle.

Either way it feels like I have a reasonably healthy relationship with my parents, which wasn't always the case.

I completely accept that this won't be the case for everyone.
 
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