It's great when you're straight

Lichen

Well-known member
I do remember a few spots along the road where I've become absolutely tired of myself. And this is a big one. These moments have always been a huge generator for change. And I'm quite grateful for it. But me, personally, I can't remember a day since I got out of college when I wasn't boozing or had a spliff, or something. Something. And you realize that a lot of it is, um—cigarettes, you know, pacifiers. And I'm running from feelings. I'm really, really happy to be done with all of that. I mean I stopped everything except boozing when I started my family. But even this last year, you know—things I wasn't dealing with. I was boozing too much. It's just become a problem. And I'm really happy it's been half a year now, which is bittersweet, but I've got my feelings in my fingertips again. I think that's part of the human challenge: You either deny them all of your life or you answer them and evolve.


I thought Brad's confessional was great.
 

Lichen

Well-known member
He must of written a blank cheque to his therapist.
That kind of self-knowledge doesn't come cheap.
 

firefinga

Well-known member
Millions of people in the western world on anti depressants. Me thinks, that's the most common drug(s) these days.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
As you say, it's when you get tired and bored of yourself that change occurs. Doesn't really matter what anyone else urges you to do (although some people can have persuasive ways of phrasing the urge), it requires you to come to that point where you're a bit sick of yourself, and a bit sick of returning to making the same choices which don't really work.
In Infinite Jest there is all that stuff about recovering drug addicts and they talk a lot about reaching the bottom. I guess that comes from some Twelve Step Programme or something but it's probably a universal thing and I reckon it's roughly what you're talking about here. Of course with seriously unhappy addicts (and especially in that book) the bottom is normally something much more dramatic like realising you've killed your family or whatever - whereas with someone generally healthier and more in control then hopefully that bottom which causes you to get a hold of yourself and turn things around is not gonna be so horrific. But it's the same idea right?
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
We should have a thread where luka posts a paragraph at a time and we have to guess whether it's his own writing or he's quoting a Hollywood A-lister baring their soul in a glossy magazine.
 

firefinga

Well-known member
I grew up in the country,and after years living in a city I have gone back. Which made me aware of how much knowledge has gone lost regarding herbs and mushrooms as means for both healing and intoxication. A mate of mine is some sort of a specialist in these fields and knows tons about what herbs n mushrooms are edible and furthermore could give you a proper rush. Definitely a field I have an interest in and worth investing time n effort in.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I grew up in the country,and after years living in a city I have gone back. Which made me aware of how much knowledge has gone lost regarding herbs and mushrooms as means for both healing and intoxication. A mate of mine is some sort of a specialist in these fields and knows tons about what herbs n mushrooms are edible and furthermore could give you a proper rush. Definitely a field I have an interest in and worth investing time n effort in.

As an avid forager, this amuses me because there is a ton of 'traditional country wisdom' about mushrooms, nearly all of which is total horseshit and could potentially get you killed.

Edit: at least in the UK where wild mushrooms are not widely traditionally eaten - I daresay old wives in France or Poland or wherever may have more reliable myco-lore than exists here.
 
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firefinga

Well-known member
As an avid forager, this amuses me because there is a ton of 'traditional country wisdom' about mushrooms, nearly all of which is total horseshit and could potentially get you killed.

Edit: at least in the UK where wild mushrooms are not widely traditionally eaten - I daresay old wives in France or Poland or wherever may have more reliable myco-lore than exists here.

Don't worry, I am aware of the BS-"folk myths" regarding natural narcotics/poisons and the real deal knowledge some of those herb-nerds seem to have.

One of my fav from my own childhood: the hornet death-formula: three hornet stings kill a man, seven a horse :crylarf:
 

cwmbran-city

Well-known member
Booze = no. 25yrs on the sauce ended in 2012, chef brother uses beer, stouts & porters for stew sauces, but anything intoxicating is cooked right out. If you're into slow cooking cuts of specific meats, it can be the magical ingredient, cos even the heartiest stock can always be jazzed up. Just start with the holy trinity of diced carrots, onions/leeks & celery.

Shrubberies = yes, but only 2/3 times a week and Volcano the samples, with a bi-monthly edible blow out &/or a piece of piss easy cannabis tea method (just lob cannabis tea into youlube to see)

Class A's = not since 2011, had a few bumps of gak in 2009 & got hammered on mdma @ friend's wedding in 2006.
1987 - 2003 are another matter, everything was fair game. Not proud of some cul-de sacs, but we live & learn.

Prescriptions for complex-PTSD = dozen diazepam each 7/8 weeks, just enough to cover flashbacks. Whats fucked up here is just how quick the NHS were/are to offer a cornucopia of potions, rather than evidence-based therapeutic interventions. Long story short - arm-barred & coerced into trialing Haloperidol, Olanzapine, Mirtazapine, Quetiapine (Seroquel) & Zopiclone. While Zopiclone is str8 up addictive, all the aforementioned were horrendous on starting - hallucinations, zero libido, plus time taken to wedge withdrawal. The worst were Haloperidol & Quetiapine, which were dribbling zombie mess makers par excellence. Nothing has put me on my arse so hard as Quetiapine, not even high-purity heroin.

Anti-depressants are entirely appropriate in a supervised care-plan when symptoms & declining personal circumstances justify their intake. Problem is because mental health provision here in Britain is so relentlessly fragmented, underfunded, understaffed & with waiting lists running from 1-3yrs, how successfully you get treated is a complete lottery compounded by institutional obfuscation. Without an advocate you can be led directly to an early grave thru suicide or lose your mind entirely & end up sectioned indefinitely. The ultimate labyrinth, where the Greeks and their Minotaur & Crowley's Choronzon all actually exist, it just depends which cultural or scientific lenses you view these experiences through.

Problems in Britain are all down to over-prescription of cheap medications for conditions which can be alleviated & cured by specific forms of psychological therapies, eg CBT & EMDR, but which cost a fk load more to provide. So its way too easy for someone vulnerable, with no knowledge of how community mental health teams are organized, to attend their GP & then be misdirected & palmed off with meds that half-work, which then often recoil back toward alcohol & substance abuse.

A system not fit for purpose, to put it mildly, so yeah its great when you're straight, thats if & when you have sufficient medical support to reach such a goal & maintain.

Disclaimer - scuse the mini-essay waffle, but mental health & "sobriety" are frequently inter-dependent & treatment plans are rarely fit for purpose outside of specialized detox units. If you're experiencing problems with health care providers (GP's, CMHT's & any medications), ffs source a local health advocate so they can attend & intervene during your appointments minimizing the risk of you getting mugged off. Advocacy services are one of the main reasons i'm somehow still alive, sane & receiving weekly EMDR (after lost 3yrs on a waiting list).
 
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luka

Well-known member
therapy is time consuming and expensive and results are impossible to quantify. it should be the basis for mental health provision but its so out of step with prevailing trends and priorities. this also explains the predominance of cbt.

this not drinking thing is really great. im so into it. you wouldnt beleive how much weight ive lost. its like turning back the clock.

only got a taste for psychedelics left now. hate booze. hate weed. hate banter.
 

cwmbran-city

Well-known member
expensive if done privately, but i dont know where you are in the world or the extent/coverage of the health-care systems available to you.

time consuming, no doubt, but you cant rush healing, it can take time just like physiotherapy does with bone, muscle & freedom of movement.

there are many variables around CBT, it depends on the client & the symptoms they present with....in this respect qualitative & quantitative data analysis are the keystones in moving psychological therapies forward toward more nuanced approaches & new methodologies. Every client will have a unique set of life experiences when addressing their background profile.

I've seen CBT contain the fire of war trauma in refugees from Syria & Iraq while they wait for EMDR & the results are profound. Its the waiting for more advanced therapies that can undermine this work. It can draw out vital case history information & steady those whose war trauma isnt as extensive as more aggressive cases. Triage essentially, but still effective.

also & to play devil's advocate, my own experience with CBT can be summarized & highlighted by a few specific examples: carrying 2 blank playing cards in each back pocket of my trousers to be carried at all times for a period - 1 had "Morality of Violence" written on it & the other "Prison for GBH". These were set because my threshold for aggravation by pikey cunts was at an all time low 2 years ago, its quite summat to be on the cusp of smashing someone to a pulp cos they swore at your Ma in the street, only to reach into those pockets, read the "mantras", tell the offending parties to fuck off or get annihilated & then walk away.

there are degrees in any set of problematic circumstances & CBT is slowly being superseded by other therapies, but its not baseless & there are plenty of folks walking round today who would've gone down much darker alleys without it, myself included.

skills on the drinking, feeling the freshness is something you can mos def definitely qualify & its good not having the extra calorific intake.

respeck!
 

thirdform

pass the sick bucket
Weed is so subtly insidious imo.

You think you're less rigid, have greater associative thinking, better able to control your emotions/more conscious of how you act around others etc, but it's just the body dissociation giving you that feeling of immersion/things not lacking vitality/slight gnostic earthiness.

And here's the real deal breaker: its constantly declared to be a safer alternative to booze (and physically that is undeniably true) but that is until you're sectioned.

And NHS cbt is shit for people who overthink anyway, it forces you to go into that reflective mindset, at which point you can quite conceivably rationalise away your depression. Its all rooted in the neoliberal subject as the be all and end all.
 

cwmbran-city

Well-known member
Weed is so subtly insidious imo.

You think you're less rigid, have greater associative thinking, better able to control your emotions/more conscious of how you act around others etc, but it's just the body dissociation giving you that feeling of immersion/things not lacking vitality/slight gnostic earthiness.

And here's the real deal breaker: its constantly declared to be a safer alternative to booze (and physically that is undeniably true) but that is until you're sectioned.

And NHS cbt is shit for people who overthink anyway, it forces you to go into that reflective mindset, at which point you can quite conceivably rationalise away your depression. Its all rooted in the neoliberal subject as the be all and end all.


weed isnt for everyone & it isnt for every day, but for PTSD its a purge, an unknotting of tension that is hard to articulate, i'd rather that than benzo reliance

i've known 2 extreme weed casualties, 1 who lost everything, the other only a few years, but they both raped the stuff & if you did the same thing with vodka you could get a similar psychosis

choose your poisons, its a cliche but :shrugs:

context with CBT is everything, a friend who got stitched up by the NHS after an injury while working for them found it a buffer between the reality of half pay, a marriage that was taking too many hits & institutional foul play of the kind would crack some people

context & appropriate care plans for individual profiles should, in an ideal world, have the most up to date medicine & therapy available provided, seems a fair exchange for a life-time's tax, but the system is broken.

therapy has come a long way since CBT, so horses for courses, but then accessing it is another matter.



cwmbran-city is like a cross between james bond and travis bickle.


family & ancestors would disown me for going anywhere near the English establishment.

PTSD is the kind of insidious chaos that compared to weed is an 11/10 for savage & merciless cuntery. Trying to access any kind of support was impossible for long extensive periods. You think there's some kind of presence, structures, consultants, specialists, and there are.....but even a good CMHT is operating massively short of the real demand. So its funding, not efficiency.

Life is fkn random, some of the twists, the monstrous indifference, the western taboo of death which is undeniable (Game of Thrones?), but the mental health sector nationally is like something out of a Victorian nightmare & at the local level pray your health board has at least some of its shit together, or 1 dark stormy night you might bump into Edward & Tubbs.
 

thirdform

pass the sick bucket
hard not to sink into a self-absorbed skunk hole when you move about from place to place disabled and as a result are difficult to employ. But yeah, point taken. it's just all high ratio thc-to-cbd shit and most dealers don't know what they have anyway. what me man called/thought was amnesia triggered me getting fucked up, irony of ironies.

TBF the nervous tension around others should have been the red line for me, but you know, it's just in my head/if I'm more relaxed it will be alright etc...

i dunno if i have some form of trauma or complex ptsd (when you're brown/asian that shit is long) but i know what you mean about the loosening of tension (when alone.) That was why i was still smoking even when my therapist at the time pretty much implicitly told me not to mention it again as they don't like to give therapy to drug users.
 
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