Jacob Rees-Mogg

WashYourHands

Cat Malogen
You’d think he might‘ve been bottled at a previous juncture in life (Britain being Britain), out campaigning knocking on doors, only to be surprised by a dissatisfied/disgruntled psycho. Not a perfect world

Bombard him with psychics projecting images into his brain of his favourite nanny. Every night, dreaming of unspeakable things. Unable to perform for his partner, mind flooded with nanny - over the ottoman, in stirrups, heaving beauty spot bosom, yes nanny I love money look at my share portfolio, changing his nappy as a fully grown man, perfume and moistening musk coalescing every morning waking in dread

Alternatively, not an actual death. Too easy. Maimed and traumatised is more unfortunate. Laces mysteriously ripped into an escalator dislocating multiple joints wrapped around coiling, caught (by complete chance) on multiple cams at multiple angles. See if the Russians have compromising files. Deal. Show them to him. Offer him a duel with Michael Gove - umbrellas for swords dressed in 17th century attire - to exploit circumstantial honour weakness

Just a thought
 
Top