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Thread: Buying baby monkeys in London

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    Default Buying baby monkeys in London

    I want to get hold of some baby monkeys - preferably Japanese macaques, but I could be open to capuchins and/or vervets. I think it'd be a laugh to train them to stand in the corner in butler / maid outfits and run to the fridge to fetch me a can of beer when I click my fingers.

    I could also train them to do a bit of dusting - maybe even hoovering and toilet cleaning - to earn their keep in fruit. I also think it'd be a great stress reliever to dress one up in a Morrissey t-shirt (or arsenal kit) and beat it with a wooden spoon

    My mate in Singapore deals with infant macaques all the time - he trains them up as greyhound jockeys and makes a fortune hosting high-stakes race meets for corporate bigwigs and pro gamblers in Abu Dhabi. However, they're quite easy (and comparatively cheap) to pick up over there, plus he doesn't have RSPCA busybodies sticking their oar in. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to smuggle one back to Heathrow...

    So, does anyone know where you can get them in London? There must be SOME dodgy exotic pet shop or Asian criminal syndicate who can get me one (or several) at a decent price, no questions asked. Come on Dissensus, make my monkey training dream come true.

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