Job Interviews

craner

Beast of Burden
I have one of these on Friday. I hate them.

Anybody got any good stories, tips, preparation strategies, methods for coping, etc. to share to make me feel a bit better about it?
 

luka

Well-known member
Approach it in as reptilian and sociopathic way possible. Show no human side, no tender meat, no weakness.
 

luka

Well-known member
Do not seek a human connection. If you find one you will be punished for it.
 

poetix

we murder to dissect
Basic "inner game" tip: don't be too attached to the outcome. You'd like it, but you can take it or leave it.

Also depends on the sort of job. If it's a "please give me the opportunity to earn a living performing this anonymous administrative function for you" situation, the main thing is to come across as agreeable and competent. If it's "yes, I am just the person to transform your digital strategy" (or something nebulous like that), it's much more about persuading them that you're so good at this sort of thing that they need to persuade you that their particular problems are worth your attention, and then persuading them that you are so persuaded and will dedicate yourself with vigorous enthusiasm to solving those problems. You need to be much more of a wanker to carry that one off.
 

craner

Beast of Burden
My version of that is, I'd like it, but it'll also mean I won't be able to go to the beach after work and I'll have petrol costs again.
 

luka

Well-known member
I could treat it like a social experiment, yes.

My natural inclination is to seek a rapport. To make a friend. This is always punished. Always. Terrible instinct. I'm a naïf. Too pure for this world.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Basic "inner game" tip: don't be too attached to the outcome. You'd like it, but you can take it or leave it.
I used to try this but it never worked for me. In the end I switched to a position something like

"Nothing in this world or the next could possibly approach the pleasure I will derive from being your data entry clerk for the next two weeks. I can say with hand on heart that if I don't get this job then I will certainly kill myself in the most agonising way possible to punish myself for blowing my one chance at achieving contentment, prosperity, righteousness and ultimately transcendence".

Which also didn't work.
 

catalog

Well-known member
U could try using the STARL method to structure your answers, but depends what it's for I suppose (i work in HE)

Situation
Task
Action
Result
Learn

Basically you need to make sure you get in what you did and why it mattered, rather than spending ages talking about the situation. It worked well for me, I got the tip off my manager when i'd messed up an interview. The 'learn' is a new bit that was added later, you can miss that off if it's too much.
 

droid

Well-known member
If it's for management just demonstrate your willingness to ruthlessly crush any employee that disobeys or stands in your way. Bring a mannequin or dummy to demonstrate on.
 

Leo

Well-known member
Basic "inner game" tip: don't be too attached to the outcome. You'd like it, but you can take it or leave it.

generally agree with this. it's a balance: be confident and relaxed, but not obnoxiously entitled, overly casual or standoffish. if you really want the job, show genuine interest but not desperation, project the aura that you're happy with your current situation but meeting with them because this particular opportunity sounds interesting. don't make it seem like you are interviewing all over the place with lots of other employers.

it's a little bit like a first date: be yourself, communicate what you're all about and have to offer, be respectful but leave them with the notion that they'd be better for having you on board.

I'm self-employed, so my story relates to a meeting for a potential project (which is similar to a job interview). the guy who I met with had apparently cut himself shaving that morning, and had a small wad of tissue stuck to his face to stem the bleeding. it wasn't an oversight, he obviously knew it was there, I guess he had no choice.

cutting yourself shaving happens sometimes, not a big deal. the weird thing was he never mentioned it, so there was this odd unspoken tension for the entire meeting (I imagine if I were in his shoes, I'd have made a joke about it to diffuse the situation). and of course, I found myself continually focusing on the small bloody wad of tissue attached to his face while he explained his company's work for a particular client and how the firm sets itself apart from competitors. it was almost farcical, felt like I was on some hidden-camera TV show where they film a person in an absurd situation to see how they react.

I ended up not getting the assignment, and I was kind of thankful. probably symbolic in a way, anyone who couldn't bring themselves to make a joke about something like this would probably be kind of a dick to work for.

good luck!
 

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
Basic "inner game" tip: don't be too attached to the outcome. You'd like it, but you can take it or leave it.

I've found this effective, perhaps because I've never really interviewed for a job I genuinely wanted :crylarf:

But yes, telling myself I don't really care anyway substantially reduces my nerves.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I'm self-employed, so my story relates to a meeting for a potential project (which is similar to a job interview). the guy who I met with had apparently cut himself shaving that morning, and had a small wad of tissue stuck to his face to stem the bleeding. it wasn't an oversight, he obviously knew it was there, I guess he had no choice.

cutting yourself shaving happens sometimes, not a big deal. the weird thing was he never mentioned it, so there was this odd unspoken tension for the entire meeting (I imagine if I were in his shoes, I'd have made a joke about it to diffuse the situation). and of course, I found myself continually focusing on the small bloody wad of tissue attached to his face while he explained his company's work for a particular client and how the firm sets itself apart from competitors. it was almost farcical, felt like I was on some hidden-camera TV show where they film a person in an absurd situation to see how they react.

I bet he sticks a small wad of tissue with a dot of red ink on it to his face before conducting every interview.

"Damn, he was really promising - but, like most of them, he failed the 'shaving cut' test. Oh well, send in the next one please, Karen."
 
Last edited:

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Craner: just read a load of Modern Toss cartoons. A ton of them are about job interviews.

_20190612_221428.JPG
 

sufi

lala
My old mate which is now very successful told me that he did an interview and nervously tweaked a hair he discovered on his neck as he was chatting. When he got home to depilate he realised that every time he had tugged that mutant hair, if was like a little fleshy pinnacle was popping out of him.

So try not to be wierd is a useful tip maybe
 
Top