OK, so in order to avoid being the saddo describing his dinner in great detail to some weirdos on the internet on Christmas day, I shall describe what we shall be having for dinner tomorrow.
* Starter of smoked salmon with cream cheese on Scottish oatcakes, with lemon juice and black pepper; champagne.
* Palate cleanser of sloe gin with tonic and elderflower cordial;
* Topside of beef, roasted nice and rare, with a crust comprised of English and wholegrain mustards, olive oil, sea salt, black pepper and powdered ceps, with rosemary sprigs and garlic slivers implanted into the meat;
* Leeks in cheese sauce - the sauce contains extra mature cheddar, Worcestershire sauce, nutmeg, mustard and powdered parasol mushrooms, with grated cheddar and parmesan on top;
* King Edwards and sweet potatoes, roasted in olive oil, with chopped fresh rosemary, mixed herbs and sea salt;
* Braised mushrooms (ceps, winter chanterelles and horse mushrooms) with garlic and onion in red wine;
* Braised red cabbage (cheated and bought a microwave-ready portion);
* Haven't decided what red to serve yet, but probably Gigondas or Vacqueyras.
* Then Christmas pudding with custard and/or brandy butter; dessert wine.