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Thread: Self-Transformation & Build A Better You.

  1. #91
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
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    with adolescence, loads of people say things like,
    its a time when you get a sense for the first time that, other than for all intents and purposes, a you doesnt exist. a period when there might be moments where the biographical descriptors of yourself careen out of sync with your experience in a pressing way. where it might suddenly appear that information structures like born in london, male, bad at football, whilst real in the sense that they can be communicated, and everyone will know what you mean if you describe yourself by them, dont all confirm the existence of a fixed singular self, to which everything that you experience is accountable. your early experiences of being unable to walk in the same river twice.

    people have this to different degrees, having the piss ripped out of you on a daily basis at school exacerbates a fragmentary understanding of yourself, and of course drug experiences can make this quite striking and unavoidable. but a sort of widespread, low level of this might be the gnawing feeling of faking it, a constant anxiety that some ghastly true self will be imminently revealed, the grotty little nose picker made visible to all. and i suppose a lot of self improvement stuff tries to replace this phantom self or at least put it in context, to view it as a bit of grout around the plug of an otherwise admirable sink.

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  3. #92
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    24

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    the most self improving things that i had happen to me when i were a young lad were very occasional moments of enlightenment having taken acid, where an idea of an i seemed to momentarily become evident as a makeshift referent. feeling like the embodied process of production line quality control for all personal experience. inspecting and sifting through the various trains of thought, sensations, memories, horrible versions of myself, nasty habits, shit you’d want to wipe off your system, and not being alarmed at them, because they suddenly appeared untethered to a singular self. the bad things didn’t get swept under the rug but appeared as being things that could be changed, that in some sense i was responsible for, just clearly not things that warranted the kind of insecurity that a fixed rigid self, compromised by inadequacy would produce. it felt like suddenly being able to speak another language and then forgetting it completely, only left with the memory that it happened and the frustrating feeling that why couldnt it be like this all the time. probably counteracted as well by the far more frequent times on acid when you’d end up pooing yourself slightly outside the disabled toilets in mcdonalds or something.

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