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Thread: what ails you?

  1. #16
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    i had to ingest nothing but water and these



    for 10 days last month, which was a curious experience indeed- the best thing by far though was having an entirely free and prescribed diet, and it was terribly functionalist and futuristic- would have been useful if i were in a spaceship, as opposed to a south london bedsit (and getting to drink it in the NFT without incurring the usual wrath about food and drink...)

  2. #17

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    Oh. I feel quite humbled now by all these people with real ailments

    Quote Originally Posted by john eden
    hay fever
    Then again...

  3. #18
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    Oct 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by martin
    Then again...
    Oooh! Get you, Mr Scaramanga!

  4. #19
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    Oct 2004
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    in a Ballardian fantasy
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    Right. Now you have to scan those bits of you in proper show 'n' tell stylee (people with proper illnesses obviously exempt).

    Martin, I want your third nipple by 3 pm, Eden your flat eye by 3.30, Lichen's toenail by 4pm and automaticforthepeople's amnesia by...er...when...?

    Owen, you can leave your bowels alone and Freakaholic can carry on playing with his bendy stick.

    Class of sick Dissensians 2006 dismissed....

  5. #20
    droid Guest

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    LOL... Thanks a lot! My snorting-tea-on-the-keyboard-guffawing antics at that last post now has the whole office viewing me with wary suspicion!


    BTW - I thought I had some health problems before reading this thread, but now Im not so sure... Get well soon people! (those of you who can get well that is...)

  6. #21

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    I'm not showing it off on a forum! People used to get burnt at the stake for one of these just a couple of hundred years ago

  7. #22
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    only if they were girlies....you'd have probably gotten the gift of a goblet from the king. Or something. I assumed you were making it up anyway...boys' nipples are just the most pointless things ever anyway - trust you to have an added dose of pointlessness! Humans are the most maladapted animal....

    There was a kid at my school who had two extra thumbs, but he got them removed. I always though that was silly - just think of the piano career he could have had. As it was he ended up playing trombone, which frankly someone with no fingers at all could play. Pah.

  8. #23

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    No lie, but it's tiny, my sister's got a third one in the same place too. There is actually a very good point to males having them, which I suspect you'd know if you'd pursued a degree in biology, instead of stuffing your loaf with the demented scribblings of 'thinkers' whose theories can only lead to discontent and dissatisfaction with one's lot! It's because, in the bronze age, we used them to catch fish

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by martin
    It's because, in the bronze age, we used them to catch fish
    Indeed - this is still the favoured method in some parts of Northamptonshire.

  10. #25
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    Oct 2004
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    Martin's patented 'third-nipple fishin' technique eventually let him down.

  11. #26
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    i have chronic bronchitis. my lungs are destroyed.

  12. #27
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    Jul 2005
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    BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA
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    I have a mild "tremor"...(shakey man) most of the time it's unnoticable but it is agravated by caffeine, nicotine, lack of sleep, lack of food etc so if I drink loads of coffee and or chainsmoke I shake like a junkie or an alcoholic going through withdrawals... can be quite embarrasing around the office or trying to carry a cup of coffee to the table at a cafe after a big night on the piss... positive side effects? I'm good at doing fast micro scratches on a turntable? no..just made that one up

  13. #28
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    Jan 2006
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    I'm absolutely fine but reading the stuff above reminds me that I have a friend who developed a strange growth on top of his (bald) head. When he went to the doctor they told him that it was the same material as a nipple, that basically he had grown a nipple on his head. They cut it off but he still has a scar.

  14. #29
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    Jan 2006
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    Having said that I'm fine...
    I play in a football team and one of the guys sent an email round with the lineup for the next game but everyone listed with joke names. He'd put me down as "Twitch" and when I asked him why he quickly sent an email back going "sorry mate, that was out of order". What was out of order? "Taking the mickey out of your twitch". So maybe there is something wrong with me that I didn't even know about.

  15. #30
    droid Guest

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    Been wondering if I should mention that for a while now...

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