Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 100

Thread: Inevitable (?) office party thread

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,525

    Default Inevitable (?) office party thread

    I have a prurient interest in any tales of horror/woe from the ghost of Office Party Past.

    My mate Ben was hospitalised at a work Xmas do. He was arsing about being given a piggy-back down a flight of stairs by another friend when the two of them collided with a burly colleague, who bollocked them for being so stupid and childish. Ben is not one to take chastisement lightly so cried smartly 'your mum takes it up the wrong'un' thus fetching himself such a wallop that he fell unconscious.

    I appreciate that this is the sort of toss that normally festoons the pages of the Metro, but i have a morbid fascination with this kind of seasonal bad behaviour (what an annoying phrase) and hope some of you will indulge me...

  2. #2

    Default

    There was some woman at my last workplace who'd put a bloke through some disciplinary procedure (for harrassment), and he'd been acquitted.He got his revenge at the Xmas party by walking up to her and punching her in the face (he got away with a caution on this one too!)

    The next year there was a brawl outside the place (some sleazy ex-strip joint on Paul Street, can't remember the name but it was opposite the Fox around '99-2001) and several people ended up on disciplinaries for lamping each other. I got in a bit of strop myself, and ended up throwing beer over the DJ after he told me to 'fuck off' when I asked for a request. A couple of people managed to persuade the bouncer not to throw me out headfirst. For some inexplicable reason, I threw beer in the bouncer's face and then had to be rescued from a kicking (part of my defence was that I was going blind and he couldn't hit a disabled person, I think). Next day, 2 people had been fired for snorting coke in the toilets. There used to be this guy called the 'phantom wanker' who'd been caught cracking one off in the toilets, and it turned out he'd also groped some girl's cunt - amazingly, he kept his job, under the condition that he wasn't allowed to talk to any female members of staff (honestly), I think he's still there.

    After that, they put a load of restrictions on the 'free bar' rule and started holding a massive Xmas party for company members all over the UK, and it became boring. Still, at a new company now, so will be seeing how their Xmas parties go down next week...

  3. #3
    dubversion Guest

    Default

    I don't go to ours any more, my previously quite fun* company was absorbed into a corporate behemoth full of scarf wearing cunts called Josh. I was kicked off the decks at one party for playing 'weird stuff nobody knows' (ie Beyonce, Outkast, Sean Paul - you know, the real trainspotter shit) and now if you want to play you have to send a playlist for approval. Presumably - no Kool & The Gang, no slot.

    This year they're actually having it at the Misery of Sound, another fine reason not to go.

    So i'm going to see Half Man Half Biscuit instead

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,525

    Default

    See? I am just astonished at what people don't get fired for. Maybe I should do something spectacular this year, as a change from hassling the DJ to play 'Free Nelson Mandela' all night (which is the best you can hope for, if you ask me).

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,525

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dubversion View Post

    This year they're actually having it at the Misery of Sound, another fine reason not to go.

    So i'm going to see Half Man Half Biscuit instead
    God, and I bet having it at Ministry of Sound is seen as a real 'Goodness, don't they look after us' type coup by the aforementioned scarf-wearing idiots.

  6. #6
    dubversion Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by STN View Post
    God, and I bet having it at Ministry of Sound is seen as a real 'Goodness, don't they look after us' type coup by the aforementioned scarf-wearing idiots.
    that's about the measure of it. The thronging Joshes will be over the moon

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,525

    Default

    To be honest that sounds like an acceptable(ish) line-up for this sort of thing, last year we got Andy Leek, who played organ on 'Geno' and 'Thankfully, Not Living in Yorkshire It Doesn't Apply', then flaked out of Dexy's because he couldn't handle the fame.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,525

    Default

    In my post above, I was referring to Martin's post, which has vanished for some reason...

  9. #9

    Default

    Just in case someone else who works here reads this and dobs me in, for the record, I have NO intention of aiming a beer bottle at the Basement Jaxx or the Killers, unless of course their insurrectionary beat causes me to lose all control of my actions, in which case they must surely be apportioned some of the blame

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    5,899

    Default

    they're always bad i think, best to temper them with a very late meal, so people are sitting eating and drinking.
    i found 80 quid at one once, quite often they are just pretty boring, seen a few sets of strangers breasts at them, people from other appartments etc. i once wnt to one in the science museum but it was at a company where half the workforce had been laid off that year, so that wasn't really a terribly happy party and i love the science museum, we were locked out of most of it though, so it could have been any building with a high ceiling.
    Last edited by mms; 07-12-2006 at 08:19 PM.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Merseyside
    Posts
    3,546

    Default

    I think my section's going for an all you can eat Chinese buffet, which is fine by me. Mixture of very timid middle-aged nerds and gregarious scouse geezer types where I work, okay in moderation I suppose.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    berlin
    Posts
    8,453

    Default

    last year some of us ended up at someone's apartment after the christmas party where a copious amount of weed was smoked, and the creative director actually passed out in front of everyone - there was a couch a few feet away and he just lay down on the floor, in the middle of the room, and went to sleep. not a horror story... quite endearing actually.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    North East London
    Posts
    5,430

    Default

    Once after a spectacularly bad year the scenes at our office party were like something out of apocalypse now - just bodies laid end to end on the pavement, puke everywhere, people weeping.

    These days things are better, but some wanker always suggests doing something "fun" to increase our enjoyment. "Fun" like a medieval theme - i.e. rubbish food and compulsory participation in "hilarious" dancing with out of work actors.

    Someone actually suggested a tour of the house of commons as part of the party this year. I was a bit gobsmacked by that. On the one hand it's about as far as you can get from a party, but on the other there is always the remote possibility that pre-drinks would lead to a hugely satisfying violent insurrection by office workers culminating in the total destruction of the existing order and the dawn of a new era of human community.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    brixton, london
    Posts
    1,869

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by john eden View Post
    Someone actually suggested a tour of the house of commons as part of the party this year. I was a bit gobsmacked by that. On the one hand it's about as far as you can get from a party,
    well, depends what you mean by "party" i guess. theres the fun kind and then theres labour (and all the others)
    Last edited by bassnation; 03-12-2007 at 11:30 PM.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    568

    Default

    They have ours at lunch time in order to stop us all getting to wankered. Seems to work too.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •