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Thread: Inevitable (?) office party thread

  1. #16
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    Oct 2004
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    my department's not having a christmas party this year. hooray. so its the usual finish at 1.00 on the last day of term and then wine/cheese/quiz in the hall for all staff. i find it really sweet.

    i met my girlfriend at a christmas do when we worked at the same college but at different sites, so i have to say they are a beautiful thing. i remember getting a taxi into notts city centre with my (married) boss and the head of IT (name: mr christmas), who proceded to copulate wildly in front of our eyes.
    then went to rock city, where purely by chance i knew about 20 people thus impressing soon-to-be girlfriend.
    as far as she's concerned i've been on a downward curve ever since.

  2. #17
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    keep them coming please.

    only thing i can remember from a recent christmas party is the receptionist earnestly telling me that running marathons had left her "snatch as tight as a 5 pence piece".
    Last edited by HMGovt; 08-12-2006 at 04:27 PM.

  3. #18

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    UPDATE - a girl shat her pants at ours

  4. #19
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    Oct 2006
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    No! Really! Christ, more please, thank you.

    Christ.

  5. #20

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    More? Er, ha ha, I don't know what else to say. Apparently female members of management had to escort her swaying frame to the toilet where she collapsed in tears and humiliation - with a big wadge of poo down her tights.

    After that, sharing a taxi home with a drunk girl who it turned out lived in Hertfordshire , while trying to assure her mum over the phone that she wouldn't be raped and killed by a mad unlicensed driver, and having to stop every 10 minutes for her to spew out of the passenger window, wasn't that interesting. Oh, and someone got caught giving someone a blow job, but that happens at every party doesn't it?

  6. #21
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    Gosh, was it mentioned the next day?

    Mine was extremely banal by comparison, just some of the usual stuff (arse-touching from someone you wouldn't expect it from, home truths, someone asleep under a table etc).

  7. #22

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    Yeah, it's still being mentioned now. All behind her back of course, like the cowards we are. If someone yaks up you can laugh at them openly, but loss of bowel control seems too taboo to broach in front of the sufferer. Luckily she doesn't work on my floor, I know I'd be unable to stop staring at her arse if she did.

    Home truths? Any fights? Did anyone else get a black eye?

  8. #23
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    Oct 2006
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    Did you get a black eye?

    My work is 95% women, who are generally (in my experience) less prepared to explode into violence over (often completely imagined) slights.

  9. #24

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    No, I was really boring at my party. Considered nicking a bass guitar but it seemed impossible to get it past security, or without being seen and fired. Just spent most of the night talking to some 40-year old woman who thought everything I said was hilarious. Then the next day she blanked me.

  10. #25
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    oh! I haven't visited this thread since that night! we had the party at the office this year (L.A.M.E.) but was kind of exciting:

    1. I told the dj he sucked to his face. we rigged up a stereo in another room and was boomin' grime and dubstep / baltimore gheto shit while playing video games and drinking cocktails.

    2. at some point, maybe around 1 AM, a group of us went up to the roof of the building, climbed up to the very top and, A. smoked weed, B. urinated off the roof, onto the main entrance 15 levels below and C. stole the giant american flag from the pole (we were scared the next day that security cameras had caught us in action, but nothing ever happened - the stolen flag as of right now is still in the trunk of my buddy's car.)

    3. as we were leaving, around 2AM, we saw a horrendous and later became hi-fucking-larious sight: one of the project managers standing in an editing bay, with his pants around his ankles. someone said "are you OK??!!" he ignored us completely, walked to the wall, and was still standing there when we left him. other people also saw him sitting in a chair facing the open door, balls hanging out, asleep. he claims that he does not remember the episode at all the next day, blushing, when the entire office was practically rolling on the ground with tears in our eyes.

  11. #26
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    I pulled a Temp!

  12. #27
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    Right well this year we've a free bar for 5 hours so it should be fairly horrific.

    Horror stories please, and please do read the colour supplements and remember to have a glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have...

  13. #28
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    Never worked at a proper office until now, and sure enough here comes my first office holiday party... There's an open bar at a bowling alley next week, hoping for some horror stories to share. Unfortunately it's 4-7 PM, could put a kibosh on shenanigans.

  14. #29
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    awaiting funnies from everyone else as this year i will have no new tales to tell for freelance reasons.

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by john eden View Post
    Someone actually suggested a tour of the house of commons as part of the party this year. I was a bit gobsmacked by that. On the one hand it's about as far as you can get from a party,
    well, depends what you mean by "party" i guess. theres the fun kind and then theres labour (and all the others)
    Last edited by bassnation; 03-12-2007 at 11:30 PM.

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