Apple iPhone

bun-u

Trumpet Police
I liked this Iannucci piece on it

Is the iPhone going straight down the drain? You betcha!


Armando Iannucci
Sunday January 14, 2007
The Observer


Presentation by Steve Jobs of new iPhone in front of 10,000 screaming technology experts.
Lights go down, roof retracts to lower Mr Jobs, seen reclining on a large, green velvet Victorian chaise longue suspended on wires. Audience whoops and hollers. Chaise longue touches the stage floor. Mr Jobs gets off, stands up and shouts: 'Compress chaise longue!' At this point, the chaise longue flips in on itself many times to fold into a small, sleek, oblong, hand-held device, which Mr Jobs picks up.


Jobs 'Hellooooo technology experts!'
Crowd 'Hellooo King of Glory!'

Jobs 'Tonight, we make history as I present to you the new Apple iPhone. [Audience cheers.] The iPhone, as you have just seen, can fold out into a chaise longue. [Audience screams.] Yes, my friends, the days of not being able to recline on your cellphone are over! [Audience stands up and sings 'Thank you, Lord God, for your gracious gifts' to the tune of 'She'll be Coming Round the Mountain When She Comes'.]

'So now let me take you through the superb array of functions the iPhone can bring into your life. First, enhanced picture quality. I simply point my little finger at this icon here and a screen appears on the phone. Now, what's this? [Grainy, green video footage appears on the phone and is projected on to a large screen at the front of the hall.] Why, it's the notorious video-phoned footage of Saddam Hussein's hanging. This footage sent shockwaves throughout the world. Many people were appalled by what they saw. I was appalled. [Meaningful pause]. I was appalled at the poor picture quality of the images! [Audience laughter, which lasts for three minutes.]

'Surely, in this day and age, it must be possible to come up with a cellphone that can film the execution of vicious heads of state in a resolution greater than 1,200 x 800 pixels! A death-cell phone, if you will! [The laughter causes cracks in the roof.]

'See here, I simply wink at this icon at the bottom and the Saddam footage is now 10 times clearer. [On the large screen, the mushy footage has now been transformed into high-resolution images of a man with spit in his beard having his neck snapped.] You can see the angle! [Audience yelps like ruptured wolves.]

'Now, of course, it would be wrong to film anything and everything. We are all entitled to our privacy. And the iPhone knows when to stop. For example, here is a photograph of Prince William of England's girlfriend, Kate Middleton.

'Now, here's what happened earlier this week when I tried to film her coming out of her house. [The screen shows footage, beamed from the iPhone, of a front door of a house.] The door starts to open and, just as a young woman is about to emerge, the screen freezes, and a caption saying STOP! THIS IS WRONG! flashes over it. The audience gasps for air, applauds loudly and then kisses each other.

'Yes, the iPhone knows when to stop. But it also knows not to spoil your fun. Of course, it's wrong to film Kate Middleton of England, but it's not wrong to speculate on what it would look like if we had filmed her. So the iPhone has an inbuilt bank of 14,000 images showing what Kate Middleton would look like if you had carried on taking photos of her for years to come. [Waves his nose at the phone and a series of images come on to the screen.]

Here she is looking as if she's running away; here she is looking like she's crying; here she is looking like she's been filmed though a window shouting at William of England and William of England's father who's trying not to look at her, and here she is as if she were taking tranquillisers. [General silence from audience, as if in simple adoration.]

'The iPhone has many more functions there simply isn't time to talk about today, though if you click this icon here, you actually get extra time. The iPhone can work out a solution to the Middle East crisis, prove to all doubters that there was a Holocaust and plant a hedge in the Amazon jungle [Polite applause] but what I will finally reveal now is its best function, the ability to unblock drains! [Applause that only a sun god gets.]

'Apple has done a deal with the makers of Mister Muscle to ensure that wherever you go, whether at home or in the office or on board a train with ridiculous plumbing, if you happen to have a blocked drain in your vicinity you can deal with the menace with one squirt of the iPhone. [Jobs squirts his iPhone and a jet of Mister Muscle shoots out, unblocking a large, clogged plughole.] The audience screams: 'Mister Muscle! Mister Muscle! You Don't Tussle With Mister Muscle!'

'As the powerful liquid dissolves clogged hair and food grease, my iPhone can film the obliteration of mess and beam the pictures back to my children I am the Lord of all Things, the Master of the Universe and Tomorrow is my winged Steed.'

Jobs disappears into his iPhone, which ascends into the roof. The people fling off their clothes in rapture. A voice is heard saying 'The iPhone is on sale for $499' and the audience shouts: 'That's too much' and hurriedly leaves
 

shudder

Well-known member
What pisses me off about branding and gadgets is that in the past, you could have say, a really well made watch or a beautifully tailored suit for example, and like-minded people that had aquired a taste for such things could pick up on the subtle details or individual styling and appreciate it.


ha! I like the part about like-minded people appreciating your style. That's (no kidding) how interpol started. (take that however you will :))
 

Grievous Angel

Beast of Burden
I think the iphone looks quite good. It's a very nice way of doing voice comms.

Marc, I just got a Nokia e61i. As much a PDA as a phone, little QWERTY keyboard, has 3G and even better wifi for sofa surfing. Can't get the mobile email to work yet. I like it.

I also like the nokia 6300 - very sexy!
 

bassnation

the abyss
I think the iphone looks quite good. It's a very nice way of doing voice comms.

Marc, I just got a Nokia e61i. As much a PDA as a phone, little QWERTY keyboard, has 3G and even better wifi for sofa surfing. Can't get the mobile email to work yet. I like it.

I also like the nokia 6300 - very sexy!

what i like about the nokias is the 3g functionality - as far as i am aware none of the blackberry models is 3g, which puts me off. can you whack up the memory (sd simm i presume?) to load video etc on to it? and what os does it run, palm or ms smartphone? i guess its the latter with the outlook integration - should be able to make use of email, even if i do exclusively run osx /linux these days.
 

Grievous Angel

Beast of Burden
what i like about the nokias is the 3g functionality - as far as i am aware none of the blackberry models is 3g, which puts me off. can you whack up the memory (sd simm i presume?) to load video etc on to it? and what os does it run, palm or ms smartphone? i guess its the latter with the outlook integration - should be able to make use of email, even if i do exclusively run osx /linux these days.

I don't think any blackberry's do 3G - silly really.

the e61i does mini-SDs. It runs symbian but has office integration (view and edit) out of the box. I took advice from Finnish geeks before choosing and it seems to be good so far, only got it yesterday.
 

MATT MAson

BROADSIDE
Yeah, but not ones that cost $499.

That's like saying "these mobile phones will never be everywhere because they cost two grand each" in 1985.

The mobile phone is having a huge, positive effect on the developing world. My wife and I run a non-profit media company and we have a camera crew in Guatemala right now making a film about people there home-brewing personal computers, phones, very advanced computers and software - it's wrong to think tech won't make a difference because it is expensive for a short time. It comes down in price, or its pirated.

There will be iPhone knock-offs and generic versions everywhere within twelve months, especially with Sony releasing this type of screen very soon.
 

Grievous Angel

Beast of Burden
i don't suppose any of the non-apple pda phones sync with OSX calender do they? or even the MS Outlook variant for mac?

I am toldby my finn geek friends that...

if you get
the 8 Euro plugins from Novamedia.de , it syncs with your Mac
beautifully (the PC Suite from Nokia will do the same for your PC /
Outlook)

So that should work for Symbian / nokia e61... I haven't tried it yet.

Plus the Sony Erricssons are supposed to - there's quite a few that do, I think, especially over bluetooth.
 

bassnation

the abyss
I am toldby my finn geek friends that...

if you get
the 8 Euro plugins from Novamedia.de , it syncs with your Mac
beautifully (the PC Suite from Nokia will do the same for your PC /
Outlook)

So that should work for Symbian / nokia e61... I haven't tried it yet.

Plus the Sony Erricssons are supposed to - there's quite a few that do, I think, especially over bluetooth.

thank you very much!
 

adruu

This Is It
1) You can't cut, copy, and paste. What is up with that?

2) I couldnt get it to run Proce55ing apps...and I would love to have something like that for quick Illustrator or Vector Drawing sketching, but I'm sure that is coming down the pipline.

3) I heard you can't use it with gloves on which would suck for the impending Ice Age and for people skiing in the alps.
 

Noah Baby Food

Well-known member
....he says, whilst typing a message on an internet forum.

I was typing in between sets of press-ups, while waiting for my Victoria Sponge to bake, whilst polishing my sturdy walking boots. I get my little pet robot to type my forum messages anyway, it's not even me.
 
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