Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
The other day I was talking to a woman in a menial service job who didn't speak English as her first language and she confused the subjunctive mood with the conditional mood, so I said: "AHAHAHAHAHA, YOU STUPID CUNT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!".
 
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Slothrop

Tight but Polite
Another supermarket issue - people on checkouts who ask "do you need any help packing" (and it's always "do you need" with these ones, with the implicit questioning of your ability to perform a basic task like putting things in a bag, never "do you want" ) and when you say "no," take it as a challenge to shove everything through the till so fast that you can't keep up, and then sit there looking smug while you finish cramming stuff into your bag. "I bet you wish you'd accepted my offer of help now, don't you? That'll be £17.83 please."
 

noel emits

a wonderful wooden reason
Another supermarket issue - people on checkouts who ask "do you need any help packing" (and it's always "do you need" with these ones, with the implicit questioning of your ability to perform a basic task like putting things in a bag, never "do you want" ) and when you say "no," take it as a challenge to shove everything through the till so fast that you can't keep up, and then sit there looking smug while you finish cramming stuff into your bag. "I bet you wish you'd accepted my offer of help now, don't you? That'll be £17.83 please."

Just put stuff away really slowly, grinning at the people behind you in the que.
 

martin

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Another supermarket issue - people on checkouts who ask "do you need any help packing" (and it's always "do you need" with these ones, with the implicit questioning of your ability to perform a basic task like putting things in a bag, never "do you want" ) and when you say "no," take it as a challenge to shove everything through the till so fast that you can't keep up, and then sit there looking smug while you finish cramming stuff into your bag. "I bet you wish you'd accepted my offer of help now, don't you? That'll be £17.83 please."

The trick's to say "no thanks".

If it happens again, just fuck around back. It's only a shop. Put each item in its own separate carrier bag and spend ages thumbing around for loose change, that should piss someone off.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Supermarket checkout operators who don't speak to you or even look at you throughout the entire process, except for muttering a semi-audible syllable that might be 'thanks' at the very end, as they give you the receipt with your change on top of it, just to make it difficult for you to put it back into your wallet while carrying a bag of shopping.

I mean, sure, it's not the best job in the world, and I'd hate to be confronted with that awful American pseudo-friendliness every time I shop, but there's still no excuse for out-and-out rudeness.
 

martin

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People who get narky and say 'Men died for your right to vote' when you tell them you couldn't be arsed to turn up at the polling station (the political equivalent of 'There's starving Indians who'd be grateful for that festering pile of cold cabbage stuck to your plate')
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
The trick's to say "no thanks".

If it happens again, just fuck around back. It's only a shop. Put each item in its own separate carrier bag and spend ages thumbing around for loose change, that should piss someone off.

Hmm...I think that's more likely to piss off the other people in the queue (which could be you, next time) rather than the till monkey, who most likely couldn't give a shit.

In this situation I just pack at my own pace, not hurrying but not deliberately dawdling either.
 

Lichen

Well-known member
Being given a receipt when you buy a 'paper or a chocolate bar or something.

Esp. when the receipt is UNDER THE CHANGE, making it difficult to remove.

Also shop people's AMUSEMENT at my requests not to be given a receipts for items like the abovementioned.


As though I'm some kind of eccentric because I can't forsee ANY CONCEIVABLE CIRCUMSTANCES in which I'm likely to return a fricking Twix half-eaten and ask for my money back.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Oh God, THIS!

I do *not* want a receipt (and a plastic bag!) for my can of Coke, you Pavlovian-conditioned automaton.

Also, it's quite annoying when they look at you like you're some sort of weirdo for bringing your own bag, and you almost have to physically stop them giving you a new one anyway. Gah.
 

Lichen

Well-known member
One day I'm going take my newspaper back:

"I'm not sure I liked today's news. All that stuff about the kid being pinched and the fighting and stuff in, you know, Iraq. Can I have my money back? And actually, that Curly Wurly didn't quite hit the spot either...."
 

mos dan

fact music
The whole bloody "live earth" thread.

god i know. i can't believe my name is attached as the thread starter. all i wanted was to plug the climate-change website i was writing for.

the receipt thing drives me crazy, same with bags. i think 'no, don't worry about the bag cheers' is my most over-used phrase these days. lidl make you pay for plastic bags! good for lidl.
 

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
The trick's to say "no thanks".

If it happens again, just fuck around back. It's only a shop. Put each item in its own separate carrier bag and spend ages thumbing around for loose change, that should piss someone off.
I'm not even sure it's intentional, to be honest. Like the thread title says, it's pointless.

Next one:
use of the word 'psychedelic' to describe music that deviates in any slight way from completely mundane, eg a band whose guitarist owns a flanger, any dance music where more than one synth parameter is manipulated. To clarify:
This is psychedelic.
This isn't.
 
N

nomadologist

Guest
in ny, most of the cashiers just throw out your receipt. but on the other hand, they're always offering you a straw with everything and a napkin
 

Martin Dust

Techno Zen Master
When you go in a shop and 3 people ask you if you need any help within two minutes, will you please fuck off and leave me alone...
 
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