Favourite jokes and one-liners.

swears

swears

preppy-kei
Lichen said:
Two lads are walking down Golders Green High Street.

On seeing a tasty blonde, one leans towards the other and says:

"Hey, Chaim, I'd lend her one"
Click to expand...

True story: I was travelling down to London on a National Express once, and as it was going going through Golders Green these two teenage girls sitting in front of me were looking at the orthodox jews and saying "Why's he got that funny hat?" and "Look at that man's beard, aren't these people weird." Like it was a fashion or something.
 
B

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
swears said:
True story: I was travelling down to London on a National Express once, and as it was going going through Golders Green these two teenage girls sitting in front of me were looking at the orthodox jews and saying "Why's he got that funny hat?" and "Look at that man's beard, aren't these people weird." Like it was a fashion or something.
Click to expand...

Growing up (presumably) in a country populated with white Rastas, maybe they have an excuse.
 
Z

zhao

there are no accidents
teacher in an english class in the ghetto says "use the following words in a sentence". first word: "hotel"

some fool gets up: "i gave this bitch crabs, the ho-tell ev'rybody."
 
P

petergunn

plywood violin
baboon2004 said:
paedophile jokes
Click to expand...

a child molester and a boy are walking late at night deep into some dark woods. The boy turns to the child molester and says "i'm scared." The child molestor replies "How do you think I feel? I've got to walk out of these woods alone..."
 
P

petergunn

plywood violin
i have a special fondness for school yard one liners and insults...

like:

when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother

or

if someone is talking about playing baseball, you say "oh, i heard you played left, left out!"

or any stupid joke that makes fun of someone's last name ever... i really wish i could remember more of these as when i was a kid i treasured them... like if you met a kid from a different neighborhood and he said one, you could go back to your school and be the first one...

i saw the dunk tank clown ("drown the clown") at the san gennero feast this weekend and he revived many of these to great effect...
 
B

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
petergunn said:
a child molester and a boy are walking late at night deep into some dark woods. The boy turns to the child molester and says "i'm scared." The child molestor replies "How do you think I feel? I've got to walk out of these woods alone..."
Click to expand...

One of my favourites, sad to say. I remember that Shaun Ryder once told it in an interview, too. Good old Shaun...
 
B

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
petergunn said:
i have a special fondness for school yard one liners and insults...

like:

when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother

or

if someone is talking about playing baseball, you say "oh, i heard you played left, left out!"

or any stupid joke that makes fun of someone's last name ever... i really wish i could remember more of these as when i was a kid i treasured them... like if you met a kid from a different neighborhood and he said one, you could go back to your school and be the first one...

i saw the dunk tank clown ("drown the clown") at the san gennero feast this weekend and he revived many of these to great effect...
Click to expand...

http://www.playgroundlaw.com/

Intermittently hysterical
 
D

dogger

Sweet Virginia
A girl asks her dad if she can borrow his car. "No," he says, "you're a crap driver and, frankly, I don't trust you with it."
"Oh pleeeease dad, I'll do anything!"
"Oh ok then, if you do me a special favour, you can borrow it."
"Anything! Anything!"
He makes his request and she promptly drops to her knees and starts fellating him. After a moment she says, "Eeeew, it tastes of shit!"
And the father says, "Oh I forgot to tell you: I lent it to your brother earlier."
 
J

John Doe

Well-known member
What do you call a terrorist who spends the months of June, July and August on the island of Ibiza?



All-Summa Bin Largin






I'll make my own way to the coat rack, thanks...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top