bloody miserable

[Mr. Tea]

At the risk of sounding glib I think the main cause for the 'modern malaise' is the belief that there is such a thing. As far as I can make out, depression in the Olden Days (or 'melancholy', as it was called) affected primarily either the super-rich, who could afford everything and therefore valued nothing, or the over-educated and over-academic who sat around stewing over the meaning of life while everyone else was getting on with real life. Not that I'm advocating mindlessly throwing yourself into doing things without examining why you're doing them, of course, but at the same time, I think constantly examining how happy you are is likely to make you less, not more, happy.

[Eric]

Mr Tea advocates forgetting whatever bothers you via activity, which seems like a good prescription for non-unhappiness. I will go ride my bike now.

[mixed_biscuits]

There seems to be less and less correlation between my moods and the actual events in my life.

I made a major breakthrough in controlling my moods about two years ago. I realised that my mood is depressed greatly whenever my mind has nothing difficult or novel to get immediately immersed in. Now, I now tote lists of anagrams to unscramble or practise mental arithmetic where I would otherwise have nothing at hand to think about (especially when I'm out and about - walking round town etc). It has to be something pretty high-intensity, or it won't work.

This is also the main reason why I've gone into primary school teaching - hundreds of little tasks to keep the mind whirring.

[Woebot]

this year i found that "taking control of the situation" was the best way of cracking the blooz. that meant firing an agent and walking out of a production company. both extremely satisfying.

but equally there's a dimension of feeling low that you just have acknowledge isn't to do with anything at all.

also: exercise, diet, sleep. no drink or drugs. you can't knock it.

[zhao]

At the risk of sounding glib I think the main cause for the 'modern malaise' is the belief that there is such a thing. As far as I can make out, depression in the Olden Days (or 'melancholy', as it was called) affected primarily either the super-rich, who could afford everything and therefore valued nothing, or the over-educated and over-academic who sat around stewing over the meaning of life while everyone else was getting on with real life. Not that I'm advocating mindlessly throwing yourself into doing things without examining why you're doing them, of course, but at the same time, I think constantly examining how happy you are is likely to make you less, not more, happy.

this is certainly a part of the dynamic.

but "modern malaise" also has its roots in changing social conditions since the 20th. you must admit that communal, familial structures have been steadily fragmenting since, in an unprecedented way. you must take into account the experience of mass industrialization from the worker's view. you have to realize that "alone in a crowd" is a new experience for human beings. and finally, this will be a tough one for you T, the effects of our cutting-off from spiritual tradtions leaves a gaping hole in our lives that we have been trying to fill ever since.

[Edward]

Not that I'm advocating mindlessly throwing yourself into doing things without examining why you're doing them, of course,

I am advocating exactly that.
:-)

[IdleRich]

I agree that having something that you can immerse yourself in every now and again that involves no thinking and can take you out of yourself is great fun. I play football once every week and I've often noticed how I can be thinking deeply (or even worrying) about something before the game but when I'm playing, for that forty minutes or however long it is, I am totally caught up in the game. I may be thinking but I'm only thinking about how to win. It's something I've been dimly aware of through my whole life but never consciously realised until recently. It really is like stepping outside of your normal life for a short period although not nearly so dramatic as that sounds. It's strange because when I moved to London I completely stopped doing any sports but I bumped into a guy I used to play with in a pub and reluctantly agreed to join his team. At first I made excuses and avoided a lot of the games because I just didn't fancy running around in the cold but when I did it I suddenly realised how much I enjoyed it and now, three years later, it's pretty much the highlight of my week every week.
But I'm a generally happy kind of person anyway. I guess that's just luck really.

[Grievous Angel]

I'm cheerful. I'm more happy than almost anyone I know.

I've had some really bad times in my life, and I know that right now isn't one of them. In fact my life is just totally blessed right now, it's fantastic. There's lots of negative stuff around - my mum's slowly dying, my sister is getting divorced and is now effectively a single parent, my father in law has just had a quintuple bypass. There's loads of hassle around the house build. I don't know when the next bit of paying work is coming. But on the other hand... my mum's had ten years of life she was lucky to have (she had a heart attack in my arms ten years ago while my dad was dying and had an experimental procedure that worked); at least my sister has the child she wanted, and knows the reality of her relationship; and at least we have the chance of building a house.

When it comes down to it, there are people in the world with real problems. That doesn't mean "down" feelings are "wrong", it's just a helpful perspective. Then again I had loads of therapy a while back .

But best of all... I got an ACE haircut yesterday. My hairstyle strategy has been bothering me for ages and I think I've cracked it. Fantastic!

[bruno]

mms, travel! it has elevated my spirit. elevated it and brought it crashing down again. i've spent some time in london, bourgogne, potsdam and recently rome, all amazing places. unfortunately i fell madly in (unrequited) love in rome, i have been miserable ever since.

[STN]

I used to be a right miserable devil but decided to force myself to cheer up (I suppose I'm lucky to be able to do this) because if something really dreadful happens to me, I may end up constantly sad for the rest of my life and then I'll feel a right prannock for not having been happy when I had the chance.

I'm still grumpy, but that gives me inordinate pleasure.

[bassnation]

is anyone else having the experience that they're having a miserable time and so is everyone around them?
can someone on dissensus tell me they're having a great time and tell me why and i'll feel alot happier.even if i'm feeling 20% happier than i was say an hour ago at any point something 30% more shit will come along and mess that up.

i felt better for a bit by listening to satta massa gana by the Abyssinians but that's stopped now.

please let me know that you're having a great time and why/

well, i used to have pretty much everything going for me - beautiful wife, money, living in a nice area etc. since the start of this year a lot of that has gone south and its safe to say 2007 has been my annus horriblis.

however, despite what reality is telling me, i just don't get depressed. its kind of weird. in my twenties i used to sit round moping (i look back now and think what did i have to be miserable about?) but now when bad things happen i'll feel unhappy for a while but soon i get bored of feeling sad and just sort of snap out of it.

maybe this is not a good thing - because my mood never dips for too long, i'm unlikely to deal with things which need to be dealt with, because it never gets so bad that its intolerable.

"Don't Worry Be Happy was a number one jam/Damn, if I say it you can slap me right here."

[bassnation]

Then again I had loads of therapy a while back

did that work for you paul? i have considered it following divorce providing i can get it on the nhs, not sure what the chance of that is.

[IdleRich]

"I'm cheerful. I'm more happy than almost anyone I know."

I've only met you once and that for less than half an hour but you struck me as a noticeably happy type I have to say. Definitely left with the impression of a big smile coming from your end of the table.

[Grievous Angel]

did that work for you paul? i have considered it following divorce providing i can get it on the nhs, not sure what the chance of that is.

Yeah, it did, but I was in so much pain I couldn't really go on. Plus I got the first wave of it for free from the hospice where my dad died - so the catholic church paid for my therapy! There's irony for you. I paid for later stuff though - it was worth it. Most painful and frightening thing I've ever done - I recommend it if you can find a good therapist.

I didn't realise you'd divorced, really sorry to hear that, and really glad you're bearing up.

[zhao]

for real now. (irony-free as David Foster Wallace describes AA meetings)

i think a lot of us have "issues" from the past we need to deal with. it is very difficult, and often painful, but i think people generally feel much, much better after having dealt with them.

for me it's my family... seious issues. but i wont bore you with details.

great example of not taking my own advice - i haven't spoken to them for months and months. in the last 3 years i speak to them about twice a year... I am avoiding the situation to an extent. and i know that this is the main source of my problems. but knowing this... and knowing that if i "faced the music", and tried, and eventually maybe succeed, in forgiving... that i would be a much better person, and feel much better... knowing all this, still it is so difficult that i don't know where to start. or even if i can.

anyone see the Miyazaki cartoon Spirited Away? remember the "stink god" who was so weighed down by bullshit who was actually a dragon? i feel like that sometimes.

....

other than that i like everything about my life and am pretty happy in general. but this problem finds expression in many areas... in many things i do. i need help. really. i would go to therapy but not sure how to find one in Germany...

and of course, the approaching holidays, what other people look forward to, is always, always kind of scary for me... i'm scared that i'll sink into a depression. in the years that i don't have a girlfriend, when all my friends are with their families i'm always dreadfully alone for those months. who else knows what it's like to spend christmas eve alone?

_______________

EDIT: on the sunny side of things:

i am totally free. i've got a good job as a designer and i can do it from literally anywhere in the world. i've got a great flat with huge studio on the roof with great view. i work about 2 days a week and make decent money. i have great social skills, and have met some really lovely people since escaping LA. there is a very special girl but that's actually making me nervous at the moment... there are other girls around and they take the pressure off sometimes. so come next year i can literally do what ever i want - i can move to Istanbul, Cairo, Spain, China, or come to London and be miserable with you lot