Please help.

Jaie Miller

Jaie Miller

Well-known member
I'm 20 years old and I live in London. I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I cannot maintain rational thought. I am easily aggitated and my energy is becoming disruptive. I find it hard to be at peace for long periods of time. My thought flow is often interrupted. I find it difficult to differentiate between what is real and un-real. I am trying to remain calm and focused. I often get woken up at random times and feel an urge to be active. I find it difficult to exist in a space without being intruded upon. I am very dis tractable. I've been medicated for the past 2.5 years. I don't want to be locked away. I feel like I have to do things-like run or skip. I hear voices. I think I've been poisoned. I feel like people are coming after me. I like music. I feel lost. I feel ugly_my thoughts are ugly_ Words resonate with me_ I pick up on sounds and emotions_that are not mine. I feel like a caged monkey_ I feel possessed_ I feel abused. On the edge. I know I am a decent person. My personality has split. I need help. I do not feel safe. I am seeing strange things in people. I notice strange things in myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I am ready to give up. I don't trust anyone. I don't really want to speak to anyone. I don't want to do anything.
 
N

noel emits

a wonderful wooden reason
Exercise and good healthy food are very important.

Try jumping up and down and laughing hysterically.

Then eat a banana. ;)

What medication are you on by the way?
 
M

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
Hi jaie,

You really need to speak to your doctor about this, or change a doctor if the one you are seeing isn't helping you in the way you feel you might need or want. I'd also add that if you're smoking weed you should really cut that one out immediately eh?
 
N

nomadologist

Guest
Jaie Miller said:
I'm 20 years old and I live in London. I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I cannot maintain rational thought. I am easily aggitated and my energy is becoming disruptive. I find it hard to be at peace for long periods of time. My thought flow is often interrupted. I find it difficult to differentiate between what is real and un-real. I am trying to remain calm and focused. I often get woken up at random times and feel an urge to be active. I find it difficult to exist in a space without being intruded upon. I am very dis tractable. I've been medicated for the past 2.5 years. I don't want to be locked away. I feel like I have to do things-like run or skip. I hear voices. I think I've been poisoned. I feel like people are coming after me. I like music. I feel lost. I feel ugly_my thoughts are ugly_ Words resonate with me_ I pick up on sounds and emotions_that are not mine. I feel like a caged monkey_ I feel possessed_ I feel abused. On the edge. I know I am a decent person. My personality has split. I need help. I do not feel safe. I am seeing strange things in people. I notice strange things in myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I am ready to give up. I don't trust anyone. I don't really want to speak to anyone. I don't want to do anything.
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It also sounds like whatever medication they've had you on is exactly the wrong thing. I am guessing you've been misdiagnosed and they gave you something like ADD medication which can in fact speed up the progression of certain disorders (like schizophrenia).

Talk to a doctor either way.
 
IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
I'm sorry to hear this Jaie. Last time you posted on dissensus you seemed really happy and excited about your shop (I hope that that is going well for you by the way).
Haven't really got any good advice I'm afraid but with a bit of luck you can get some out of this thread or elsewhere. It was brave of you to put that message up and I hope that it leads to you feeling better and getting advice from someone who knows about this kind of thing.
 
N

nomadologist

Guest
Ahhhh I know lots of people who have a lot of trouble with risperidone. Tell your doctor *everything* you think might be a side effect and I am sure you will be on the right track soon...
 
Jaie Miller

Jaie Miller

Well-known member
Last time I tried to commit suicide was entertaining thoughts about getting healthy. I don't smoke weed/drink. The doctor said I should be given injections......or sectioned.....:confused:

I'm a creative person. The meds were in the name of Jake.....

My grandma looked at me and she asked what's wrong...
 
N

nomadologist

Guest
Yeah, but check this out, one of the most common side effects of risperidone in people who shouldn't be on it is akathisia:

Akathisia, or acathisia, is an unpleasant subjective sensation of "inner" restlessness that manifests itself with an inability to sit still or remain motionless, hence its origin [ Ancient Greek α (a), without, not + κάθισις (káthisis), sitting]. Its most common cause is as a side effect of medications, mainly neuroleptic antipsychotics especially the phenothiazines (such as perphenazine and chlorpromazine), thioxanthenes (such as flupenthixol and zuclopenthixol) and butyrophenones (such as haloperidol (Haldol)), piperazines (such as ziprasidone), and rarely, antidepressants. Akathisia can also, to a lesser extent, be caused by Parkinson disease-related syndromes.[1]

Akathisia may range in intensity from a mild sense of disquiet or anxiety (which may be easily overlooked) to a total inability to sit still, accompanied by overwhelming anxiety, malaise, and severe dysphoria (manifesting as an almost indescribable sense of terror and doom). Partly because the condition is difficult for the patient to describe, it is often misdiagnosed. When misdiagnosis occurs in antipsychotic neuroleptic-induced akathisia, more antipsychotic neuroleptics may be prescribed, potentially worsening the symptoms.[1] High functioning patients have described the feeling as a sense of inner tension and torment or chemical torture from the inside out.

Akathisia makes some patients act out in violent fits of rage throwing and breaking things or harming others. Ironically antipsychotic drugs are many times prescribed as “mood stabilizers” but then have the opposite intended effect, which often leads to increased doses further escalating the symptoms when the intent was to ameliorate the symptoms.
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Your doctor should be told anytime the suicidal thoughts come back. S/He may be right about the injections, if compliance has been an "issue" ;) If you've really been taking the prescribed dose regularly as you've been told, they should really try something else.

Whether it feels like or not sometimes, I'm sure your doctor does want what's best for you.
 
mixed_biscuits

mixed_biscuits

_________________________
Temporary move back to the parents/rellies/good friends for a clear routine, (relative) calm and protection?
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I don't trust anyone. I don't really want to speak to anyone. I don't want to do anything.
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You're trusting us, sort of. You're speaking to us. You must want to change the situation you're in, otherwise you wouldn't be telliing us about it! So I would say that most important thing to do is to stop yourself from giving up on yourself...things may be shitty at the moment, and when you're really down it's hard to feel like things could ever be any different. Sorry I can't really offer anything more specific than that, but there are people on here who have experience with mental illness and medication, so listen to them. And if there's a friend, relative or anyone like that you think you can talk to, then do so - don't worry about 'saddling them with a burden': you need help and no reasonable, decent person is going to resent you for taking up their time. Talk to people you know and just tell them what's going on - I think this is a very important complement to whatever kind of professional treatment you may also be getting.

Sorry again for being so vague, hope some of this helps.
 
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bruno

bruno

est malade
jaie, you are real, and you are able to communicate your thoughts to others in a very clear way in spite of everything, that is truly admirable. medication aside, the only way to regain ownership of yourself is to sleep well, eat well and see/hear beautiful things, and to do all this in an orderly fashion. use an alarm clock or ask someone to lend you one and abide by a strict schedule, do this even if you have managed to sleep only one hour. have three meals a day and accompany the last with a glass of wine, you need to relax and to let your thoughts wander a bit before going to sleep. find a place in london with green things and water and spend an hour or two there each day. you need to take yourself and the world around you less seriously, the worst that can happen is that you lose touch with reality completey but even that will be temporary. keep that and the fact that you are real and intelligent in mind at all times and things will become settled once again. good luck :)
 
mixed_biscuits

mixed_biscuits

_________________________
Do not go to sleep after midnight - I find it invariably puts me in a much worse mental state the day after, however many hours I subsequently manage to sleep (in fact, I would credit the worst periods of sorrowfulness in my life to poor sleeping habits exarcebating negative moods). Keeping late hours also encourages one to feel estranged from the general flow of public life and nature's rhythms.

Obv this thread will generate a counter-productively overwhelming list of 100 mental health must-dos. Conclusion: only listen to Mr Tea.
 
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Z

zhao

there are no accidents
bruno said:
keep that and the fact that you are real and intelligent.
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just from the honesty of your message i can tell you are a good and lovely person.

and beautiful as well. self image and perception can shift drastically, but very hard to imagine when one is all the way on one side of the penduluum.

when i was at a very low point in my life someone suggested this: look at self in the mirror before going to bed and before rising, and saying to the reflection: "i love you and i care about you." sounds corny but does work.

also, i recommend Yoga. it does wonders to get rid of nervous energy, calm the spirit, and re-alignment to your mental and physical center. especially maybe the kinds of yoga with breathing excercises, but you should ask the teacher about it.
 
C

continuum

smugpolice
Your first post is a perfect description of the average Westerner ;)

Stay off as many drugs (legal or illegal) as possible and express yourself all the time. Ignore all media and anyone who makes you feel worse. Find a job or place or both where you feel happy - dedicate yourself to this. Never give up - people make it out of these situations all the time even if it takes a while. Good luck! :)
 
N

nomadologist

Guest
Of course, it is everyone's personal decision whether they decide to use pharmaceutical therapy or not; I would never recommend taking just *anything* and not getting second opinions.

However, ESPECIALLY in cases where suicidal ideation is present, it is wholly irresponsible (and obviously uninformed) to suggest that someone refuse medical treatment.

The problem is that once your life is out of balance due to mental illness, one often *CAN'T* do the things Mr. Tea and others are suggesting that create balance and order and "normalcy".
 
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