Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Yeah, I suppose: the words have a different 'feel' about them, although it's hard to put into words what the difference is.
Privacy
- Thread starter zhao
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Yeah, I suppose: the words have a different 'feel' about them, although it's hard to put into words what the difference is.
mixed_biscuits
_________________________
Confidentiality means entrusting someone else with a secret - information has to be held by more than one person for it to be confidential.
Secrecy can be practised alone.
IMUHO
Secrecy can be practised alone.
IMUHO
bassnation
the abyss
i can't really get my head around this. maybe its the whole thing about the welsh not being reserved and hidden like the english, but i can't help but be transparent, honest and open with people. i don't put on a face. i don't spend ages going on about myself but i don't hide things either and i am not ashamed of it. its a strength not a weakness. i see the same thing with people from latin countries i have known, all the emotions are up front. you don't have to wonder what people are thinking about you, if they've got issues it just comes out and is dealt with one way or another. i think thats much better than it all festering inside. and if people think openness is something to be attacked or exploited then fuck them, its their loss for not having the same standards themselves.
N
nomadologist
Guest
There's something to be said for not burdening others with your own problems in inappropriate situations, and/or out of respect for their own problems or lack of interest/ability to meet you halfway. But, of course, at the same time, the insane sort of macho ideal Mistersloane referred to where repressing any conversational sense of your own subjectivity as an "emotional" or "psychological" being is completely ridiculous and immature.
I also agree with whoever said that it can be reverse self-flattery to assume that your own "deepest darkest" secrets or "self" or "emotions" are sooo special that it would be simply shocking or overwhelming for others if you shared them. Oh please! People may be different, but we all operate according to a handful of very similar and basic motivations in the end. I have no time for people who, say, think it's a huge deal to talk about personal life issues in a goddamned chatroom or message board, especially when it's a truly anonymous situation.
As if it's written in stone once you press "submit" or something and the Big Other is watching and is going to punish you for talking about your own inner reality.
So paternalistic and weird to me.
I also agree with whoever said that it can be reverse self-flattery to assume that your own "deepest darkest" secrets or "self" or "emotions" are sooo special that it would be simply shocking or overwhelming for others if you shared them. Oh please! People may be different, but we all operate according to a handful of very similar and basic motivations in the end. I have no time for people who, say, think it's a huge deal to talk about personal life issues in a goddamned chatroom or message board, especially when it's a truly anonymous situation.
As if it's written in stone once you press "submit" or something and the Big Other is watching and is going to punish you for talking about your own inner reality.
So paternalistic and weird to me.
N
nomadologist
Guest
I don't know, when those things happened I think it was less about the negativity of the emotional content of the situations Swears was sharing and more about the fact that Swears can often be too down on himself and too reluctant to let himself feel validated in his own right to feel whatever it is he feels at any given moment. I have listened with interest to people here talk about relationships and relationship problems, including Swears.
fokse vektaire xeven
Arab Nazi
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if it is in part a self confidence thing you have to allow for the fact that many people don't have a great deal of self confidence for good reasons- their environment makes them feel that way. there's a comfort in the private and the personal...
are you joking? i prize my right to seethe inwardly! but like you said- i'm English
But why? I've got hundreds and I'll never tell a soul, and I don't feel psychologically damaged by it.
N
nomadologist
Guest
What's funny is that it's very often in my experience that those who "seethe inwardly", don't share anything personal, etc., and believe that in doing so they are creating some sort of aura of sexy mysteriousness about them are some of the most transparent, easily readible people on earth. Especially when they are men! Men are invariably easy to read, in my experience, no matter how Stoic they believe they seem.
Guybrush
Dittohead
And conversely, most women gargantuanly overestimate their ability to read other people.
as usual we are talking about 3 or 4 or half a dozen things at the same time
confidentiality
secrecy
repression
macho inexpressiveness
aloofness (surface cool)
stinginess
conceit
i guess my original post could be about any or all of these things... I'm just on about the kind of people who don't want to engage. don't want to share and don't want to try to communicate or have fun. and i'm talking about in social situations such as parties. like if you make a joke that is clearly kinda funny, some people will laugh or at least smile, and some will just stare at you like they have a dead cat up their butt.
confidentiality
secrecy
repression
macho inexpressiveness
aloofness (surface cool)
stinginess
conceit
i guess my original post could be about any or all of these things... I'm just on about the kind of people who don't want to engage. don't want to share and don't want to try to communicate or have fun. and i'm talking about in social situations such as parties. like if you make a joke that is clearly kinda funny, some people will laugh or at least smile, and some will just stare at you like they have a dead cat up their butt.
mixed_biscuits
_________________________
I remember reading a study that looked at the 'objective' funniness of jokes delivered in normal social situations (ie not in a comedy club). It concluded that very, very few jokes are found amusing by people who do not know the joke teller directly.
So, the people who are laughing are probably your friends, the ones who are smiling have 'seen you around' and the people staring at you have no idea who the hell you are.
I would guess that the kinds of people who would find strangers' jokes amusing are those most able to either imagine themselves as part of a social situation or distance themselves from one when in it - the same people who, despite being your friend, might suddenly 'switch off' and stare at you as if they had a cat up their ass.
Leo
Well-known member
wonder if some of these issues are at the root of what makes me averse to being on facebook? i'm a pretty normal, sociable person in real life, yet really have no interest in people knowing what i do, what i like, who my "friends" are, etc. and i don't want to get a message alerting me to every time a friend buys XYZ book or goes to see XYZ film. it's like everybody thinks i should care, but ya know what? not so much.
mixed_biscuits
_________________________
Keenly hidden secrets have concentric circles of sensitivity surrounding them - by touching upon these circles, one can begin to tell what might lie within them.
mixed_biscuits
_________________________
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Three of your Friends think FaceBook is rubbish too! Why not compare what else you think is rubbish?
mixed_biscuits
_________________________
lol
hahaha
wow! this is honestly a completely new piece of information for me! more than a minor epiphany!
I'm shocked! but also makes so much sense!
i don't understand it at ALL though!
to me if a joke is funny it is funny. don't matter if Aunt Jamal or a stranger or a dead cat told it. and it's always been that way for me. sometimes a stranger's joke is maybe even funnier because it can be appreciated on a neutral objective level without other stuff getting in the way.
but it explains a lot about some of the cat up arse reactions i get! wow!
mixed_biscuits
_________________________
Another thing the researcher said was that the jokes that got the biggest reactions also tended to be non-jokes with neither conventional form nor content - ie. random shite in-jokes/offhand comments/ostensibly meaningless in-group catchphrases etc.
I can imagine that some people would force themselves not to laugh at strangers' jokes that they secretly found amusing in order not to appear submissive.
Much of the professional comedian's practice serves to create a superficial familiarity (make-believe empathy).
Hmm maybe the self-deprecating patter that most comics have 'allows' them to hog the limelight by assuring the audience that their performance is neither a play for social dominance nor a sign of it. cf. celebrity philanthropy
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