great old school insults

Z

zhao

there are no accidents
one particularly, um, colorful, bit from Diamond's Collapse was when he was talking about a point in history when Easter Islanders descended to cannibalism, and a popular insult was:

i pick pieces of your mother from my teeth.
Click to expand...

and in Egypt they say things like:

may your wife birth a hyena
Click to expand...

need more along these lines please.
 
M

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
The one that got me strangled when I was about 17 was "Yer mum got dreadlocks in her pussy". Tyrone totally flipped when I said that to him.
 
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Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
'Gaylord'.

How great is that? An actual Lord of Gay. And it's the name of a chain of Indian restaurants too. Brucey bonus!

Also, 'spanner'.
 
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CHAOTROPIC

CHAOTROPIC

on account
"Spazmo"
"Spastic"
"Plank"
"Wally"
"Bummer" / "Bumbandit" / "Bumboy"
"Queero" (a Thundercat??)

(When I was five) "Fartarse"

& not forgetting, the magnificently opaque, Blue Peter inspired: "Joey"
 
CHAOTROPIC

CHAOTROPIC

on account
Used in the following manner by 11yr old boys:

joey_deacon_014.jpg


"NNNUUUHHHH! NUUHHHH! I'M YOU! I'M A SPASTIC! I'M JOEY DEACON! MNUUUUHHHHHHHHH" etc

EDIT: This nearly always necessitated "Beats".
 
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Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
CHAOTROPIC said:
Used in the following manner by 11yr old boys:

joey_deacon_014.jpg


"NNNUUUHHHH! NUUHHHH! I'M YOU! I'M A SPASTIC! I'M JOEY DEACON! MNUUUUHHHHHHHHH" etc

EDIT: This nearly always necessitated "Beats".
Click to expand...

Ha! I'm glad I'm not the only one who remembers 'beats', as in, "Do you want beats?".
I still stick my tongue into my lower lip to indicate spasticity in a person or concept.

There's nothing more I can say on this subject that's not covered in much greater depth on this website:

http://www.playgroundlaw.com/
 
optimum

optimum

Poochie
Your mum's so fat she jumped up and got stuck

Your mum's so dumb she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order

etc. etc.

The best one that I heard in my playground days was the wonderfully abstract:

Your mum's a ribena carton :D
 
HMGovt’s Glorious Return!

HMGovt’s Glorious Return!

.
One night in the House of Commons, Churchill, after imbibing a few drinks, stumbled into Bessie Braddock, a corpulent Labourite member from Liverpool. An angry Bessie straightened her clothes and addressed the British statesman.

"Winston," she roared. "You are drunk, and what’s more, you are disgustingly drunk."

Churchill, surveying Bessie, replied, "Mrs. Braddock, go fuck shit up your cunt"
 
P

Pestario

tell your friends
optimum said:
Your mum's so fat she jumped up and got stuck

Your mum's so dumb she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order

etc. etc.

The best one that I heard in my playground days was the wonderfully abstract:

Your mum's a ribena carton :D
Click to expand...

I like the use of "ya mum" as a retort to basically anything eg.

"I fucking hate you"
"ya mum"

the more abstract applications are best, especially to innocent statements/questions:

"what time is it?"
"ya mum o'clock"
 
Slothrop

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
Pestario said:
I like the use of "ya mum" as a retort to basically anything eg.

"I fucking hate you"
"ya mum"

the more abstract applications are best, especially to innocent statements/questions:

"what time is it?"
"ya mum o'clock"
Click to expand...
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"Your mum doesn't even make sense."
etc

See also 'your face.'
 
M

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
Pestario said:
I like the use of "ya mum" as a retort to basically anything eg.

"I fucking hate you"
"ya mum"

the more abstract applications are best, especially to innocent statements/questions:

"what time is it?"
"ya mum o'clock"
Click to expand...

the dozens are the best thing ever.

bo diddley

"i seen yer momma with a mattress on her back, i said what you doin?"
"she said 'movin' "
 
Z

zhao

there are no accidents
hmm? i expected brits to be a bit more sophisticated and witty on the insults tip... ?

but really i think old cultures have our sophomoric stuff beat:

may a constipated camel lay a ca-ca in your couscous.
Click to expand...
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
mistersloane said:
the dozens are the best thing ever.

bo diddley

"i seen yer momma with a mattress on her back, i said what you doin?"
"she said 'movin' "
Click to expand...

In the version I heard, she's kicking an empty baked bean tin along the pavement. :D

Also, I like the 'literally true' kind of yo-mamma insult, eg. "Yo mamma so fat, she got Type II diabetes!", "Yo mamma so fat, she gotta use a special implement to wipe her ass!", kind of thing.
 
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