sign you are watching a good movie

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I'm not such a massive fan of tits as such though.

Poof.

Seriously though, it's such an awful film that even on the most basic level, the fact that it consists in large part of reasonably attractive women walking around with nothing on fails to redeem it: it's still unwatchable. Actually that's not quite true, I'd probably chalk it up in the 'so bad it's good' category. Mistersloane has already mentioned the Most Laughable Sex Scene Ever - there's probably not much more to say about it than that, it just has to be seen to be believed. On the whole I rate Verhoeven highly, Robocop and Total Recall are masterpieces.

Edit: hah, yes, I knew I'd seen you write 'Ver-sayce' on here recently mistersloane, it didn't go unnoticed. :)
 
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crackerjack

Well-known member
Poof.

Seriously though, it's such an awful film that even on the most basic level, the fact that it consists in large part of reasonably attractive women walking around with nothing on fails to redeem it: it's still unwatchable. Actually that's not quite true, I'd probably chalk it up in the 'so bad it's good' category. Mistersloane has already mentioned the Most Laughable Sex Scene Ever - there's probably not much more to say about it than that, it just has to be believed. On the whole I rate Verhoeven highly, Robocop and Total Recall are masterpieces.

I enjoyed Black book too. The aforementioned and all-important tits aspect was well taken care of.
 

STN

sou'wester
someone is (ironically or otherwise), during a pub brawl, hurled down the bar, along which they then skid with a surprised look on their face, comically smashing glasses and bottles as they go.

Bonus points if they end up with their head through a wall.

Double bonus points if what they then see in the next room either:

a) advances the plot (i.e. it's the baddies counting a mound of gold)

or

b) is lots of naked ladies

Double double bonus points if the camera then cuts back to their face, nodding and smiling contentedly.
 

josef k.

Dangerous Mystagogue
Fucking excellent observation. Have you seen 'Clean...Shaven' out of interest?great, under-recognised film

This sounds like the ultimate car-shaving film.

Another one:

It features an old man staring out a rain licked window, wearing a dress gown, with a glass of cognac in his hand.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
It features an old man staring out a rain licked window, wearing a dress gown, with a glass of cognac in his hand.

A glass of cognac or Scotch and a cigarette are vital accompaniments to watching an old 8mm film of a loved one or long-lost family member in a darkened room. It has to be one of those special super-high-smoke cigarettes to provide the necessary atmospherics as the projector beam cuts through the wafting cloud of particles.
 

swears

preppy-kei
Protagonist spits blood into his interrogator's face after being beaten to a pulp for information. Bonus points if interrogator wipes blood from face and orders goons to "Take him away!"
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Best one EVAR: good guy is lying prostrate and unarmed on the ground infront of bad guy, who aims gun at good guy, comes out with hackneyed gloating phrase, squeezes trigger and BANG!...bad guy falls over dead because of course the sidekick/love interest snuck up behind him and shot him. Bonus points if sidekick/love interest was earlier told to stay in some safe place but (of course) ignored this instruction and so happened to be in the right place at exactly the right time to save the main good guy. Some sort of punning quip or wisecrack typically ensues.
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
When Arnold Schwarzenegger kills a guy on a commercial airliner, places a blanket over him, and when the air stewardess inquires about him, explains "He's dead tired."

When Arnold Schwarzenegger [fill in blank]
 

petergunn

plywood violin
When Arnold Schwarzenegger kills a guy on a commercial airliner, places a blanket over him, and when the air stewardess inquires about him, explains "He's dead tired."

When Arnold Schwarzenegger [fill in blank]

see post 1:

3) at least one character is portrayed by an ex-professional wrestler or competitive bodybuilder
 

petergunn

plywood violin
A ventriloquist's dummy turns on his master...

actually, ANY appearence of a ventriloquist's dummy probably means a good movie... extra bonus points if the dummy is a main charector (and a main reason why Black Devil Doll From Hell is the best movie ever...)


blackdevildoll7.jpg
 

CHAOTROPIC

on account
That sounds great.

God, it does sound good. I like every movie he's made.

Remember when we projected Showgirls all over the walls at that gay sex night after not sleeping for about three days?? I hallucinated kaleidoscoping titscapes for days afterwards. Still do. Every time I close my eyes ... :eek:


PS
"The word "spetter" (plural: "spetters") is a (now outdated) word with the same meaning as the English word hunk. It also means "splatters" and thereby refers to the chips stall where Renée Soutendijk's character works, when she lowers the chips into the frying pan."

Dutch people call hunks "SPLATTERS"???
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
Showgirls is badly underrated, in my view. And I'm not just saying that because I like tits.

It's a superb film full of brilliant performances.


As far as titsploitation films go, it's also much more appealing than Striptease was.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
I'm not such a massive fan of tits as such though.

I'm not either, but that is irrelevant to the movie really.

I mean seriously it has women throwing marbles on stage to sabotage performances, AND freaky cruel lesbian seductress mentors, AND scenes where gay choreographers teach fresh off route 66 ingenues how to live again through dance and hamburgers, even though they live in trailers.
 
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nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
In my estimation, the most ridiculous ("good") movies are always the ones based very obviously on male fantasy.

Like the ones where the protagonist X is a spy who is good looking, on a covert mission to kill all the terrorists the world over in the awesomest car imaginable, and (of course) either needs to save a hot woman or team up with her on the mission.

If they do team up, she will probably wow him with her spy skills (this will involve acrobatics of some sort, and probably a black leotard and/or bikini.). He will remain very cool and collected because he knows ultimately his spy skills will overwhelm her and she will melt like jelly in the sun at a critical moment, like when the mission is almost finished suddenly the hot women realizes that she doesn't really want to compete with X for a promotion (he really deserves it), she just wants to fuck him. So when it's very important that they both focus on ninja-ing terrorists, she will decide to inopportunely throw herself at him and compromise everything. He will then be torn between duty to his country and duty to his cock. This is a somewhat difficult decision to make, but ultimately patria wins out, because he's such a fucking warrior.

There are all kinds of versions of this movie, but they're all the same. Like Risky Business. [I was a little embarrassed for the world when I saw that one.] Substitute teenaged player-pimp for spy X, and prostitute for hot spy woman, and it's more or less the same story. Very impressive man with superlative skills and powers in his life/career also has improbably supernatural pull when it comes to women, even women who might at first mistakenly think they want nothing to do with him. He is also recognized far and wide for his potency.
 
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Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I mean seriously it has women throwing marbles on stage to sabotage performances, AND freaky cruel lesbian seductress mentors

The woman who plays that part is, on one level, quite hot - but as with Jerry Hall, I can't quite shake off the feeling that she looks a bit like a drag queen. Which probably just adds to the film's overall feeling of sleazy depravity. The marbles bit is good, too. Maybe I've misjudged this film...
 

Chuu

Well La Di Bloody Da
Someone says "is that all you've got" after being beaten to a pulp or even better they just laugh manically.
 
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