Do "straight" women really exist?

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
In the real world, on the other hand, you usually have tons more information about a potential partner. This complicates matters considerably. On the one hand, it makes it more difficult to concoct a fantasy sexual scenario with that person as your ego-ideal (which is what, I think, a lot of men like porn for--beautiful women without the complications, who don't say I'm too tired tonight, who never make you feel insecure, etc.) On the other, it gives you a lot more to work with psychologically. And I know that for me, this is where it gets interesting. If a person can turn me on intellectually, they can probably turn me on physically. I'm not someone who is obsessed with a certain "type"--male/female, tall/short, blonde/brunette, whatever.

Perhaps this pieces me into the "men just like big titties" generalization, but I am the opposite from you. If I am too much the same as a romantic interest, I like them too much as a "friend". The more we can relate, the more detached I find myself romantically. I have a very specific aesthetic quality that moves me to action, and it isn't as specific or dull as hair colour or eye colour or whatever, but it is definitely there and specific nonetheless. For this reason, none of my friends are girls, only the ones I've dated, or the ones that are dating my friends.

I'm not sure if this is a masculine thing, but from what I can tell about myself and other guys I know, we tend to be a hell of a lot more objective.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
you should check out this book: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebel_Sell

very dissensian take on human society starting with plato, thomas aquinas, hobbes, etc going thru culture to 60's counter culture (situationists, marshall mcluhan, et all) to today,,.,

not too far into it, but it's very good and their take on what a bullshit, comformist, self-righteous movie American beauty is is really great...

This looks really good.

Sick Boy said:
Perhaps this pieces me into the "men just like big titties" generalization, but I am the opposite from you. If I am too much the same as a romantic interest, I like them too much as a "friend". The more we can relate, the more detached I find myself romantically. I have a very specific aesthetic quality that moves me to action, and it isn't as specific or dull as hair colour or eye colour or whatever, but it is definitely there and specific nonetheless. For this reason, none of my friends are girls, only the ones I've dated, or the ones that are dating my friends.

I'm not sure if this is a masculine thing, but from what I can tell about myself and other guys I know, we tend to be a hell of a lot more objective.

I'm not sure if you read me the way I meant to be read. It's not about being the same as someone at all. It's about having something, anything, psychologically that causes some kind of tension or some kind of relationship that you can use. There are people on earth who I think look great but who I could sit in the same room with for the rest of eternity and we'd do nothing but stare blankly at one another, because psychologically there is just nothing there.

Most of my friends are guys. In a way, what you describe, only going after girls for a certain aesthetic look--this is the problem with how my guy friends pick relationships. They think if you like the way someone looks, that should be enough. Well, it never will be. Never in a million years. You're going to have to have a better "eye" than that. I've watched my guy friends cling to the worst, most ridiculous, dying/dead, hideous, unhappy relationships because they liked how the girl looked in a bikini. There are more fish in the damn sea.

I really don't know what you mean about guys being more objective, though. Explain.
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
This looks really good.



I'm not sure if you read me the way I meant to be read. It's not about being the same as someone at all. It's about having something, anything, psychologically that causes some kind of tension or some kind of relationship that you can use. There are people on earth who I think look great but who I could sit in the same room with for the rest of eternity and we'd do nothing but stare blankly at one another, because psychologically there is just nothing there.

Most of my friends are guys. In a way, what you describe, only going after girls for a certain aesthetic look--this is the problem with how my guy friends pick relationships. They think if you like the way someone looks, that should be enough. Well, it never will be. Never in a million years. You're going to have to have a better "eye" than that. I've watched my guy friends cling to the worst, most ridiculous, dying/dead, hideous, unhappy relationships because they liked how the girl looked in a bikini. There are more fish in the damn sea.

I really don't know what you mean about guys being more objective, though. Explain.

I think you pretty much it explained it right there yourself.

Again, this is just from my observation, but a lot of men will spend torturous amounts of time with people they have NO psychological connection with for the distinct purpose of sleeping with them, and, if the overwhelming desire to possess is strong enough, to date them after that. This is where we get your example of friends clinging on to retards in bikinis.

Before a relationship starts, in men or women lust is the first motivation. That infatuation, often tied up in sexual desire, is what occurs first. This is where men become objective: men often have very, very specific ideas of the kind of girl they can and want to bring home. I have heard girls mention stories of being out and talking about this guy who they were interested in because he was good looking, but then they got turned off because he turned out to be a douchebag. I also know a lot of guys who think that if a girl is hot, and the prospect looks good, being a "douchebag" is a moot point.

To me this fits in to how many fellas are very focused aesthetically when it comes to sex, and why they hate their lives after they make that focus their girlfriend.
 
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nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
Ahhh ok. Yeah, I was thinking you meant that guys don't make bad decisions about sex when you said "objective", or that their "emotions" don't get involved...

Yeah it's so weird. I even had a housemate who had an Asian fetish. And he'd bring home Asian girl after Asian girl. Usually he was cheating on them and he'd even several times "double book", so he'd be having sex with one of them and then the other one would show up at our house and he'd made an arrangement with me to keep her occupied somehow until he was finished with the other one. (I got paid to do this.)

And HAHA the ones he actually dated? Like this kid was a hardcore drug user. Really, really, really hardcore. And his "girlfriends" some of them didn't even know what weed was. They were the kinds of girls who lived in the substance-free dorm and conference called mom and dad every day and cried at night because they missed home. They'd be at our house and they'd ask me, "why is everyone lying on the floor with the lights off? You guys are so weird!!" or "why does [this friend] go to the bathroom so often when we go out, does he have a bladder problem or something? he gets really defensive when I bring it up".
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
I wonder if it ever occurs to men that thinking of relationships in terms of "possession" to begin with is an unhealthy and destructive way of framing the whole thing. You're basically pre-destining yourself to fail at them if you do this.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Wait wait wait... I bought you a bunch of flowers, your vagina is mine now.

Two women are chatting at work, one says "Dammit, my husband brought home a bunch of roses for me yesterday. Now I'm going to have to spend the whole weekend on my back with my legs in the air!". Her friend replies "Can't you just use a vase?".

(I'm here all week. Try the veal!)

Tish.gif
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
Yeah. If you're going to play power games, I've always figured that it's probably best if you do it consciously/openly/for fun instead of letting Hallmark do it for you. All the advertising and PG-13 romantic comedies aimed at me as a demographic to the contrary notwithstanding.
 
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zhao

there are no accidents
Again, this is just from my observation, but a lot of men will spend torturous amounts of time with people they have NO psychological connection with for the distinct purpose of sleeping with them, and, if the overwhelming desire to possess is strong enough, to date them after that. This is where we get your example of friends clinging on to retards in bikinis.

I have heard girls mention stories of being out and talking about this guy who they were interested in because he was good looking, but then they got turned off because he turned out to be a douchebag. I also know a lot of guys who think that if a girl is hot, and the prospect looks good, being a "douchebag" is a moot point.

To me this fits in to how many fellas are very focused aesthetically when it comes to sex, and why they hate their lives after they make that focus their girlfriend.

oh how i cringed when i read this. i have been guilty of this too many times... oh god how i used to be obsessed with and spend so much energy seducing certain women just because of their looks, while i actually couldnt stand them as people... but as much maybe as sometimes my shallow side want it to be more, these always just turn out to be very short flings and all my relationships have been with people i respect and find interesting and get along and have fun with.
 
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zhao

there are no accidents
i just realized the title of the film possession has a double meaning.

heres a question: does jealousy come from, can only come from, and the only possible outcome, of possessiveness?

an ex of mine would say yes to all 3 above -- that the trick to never feeling jealousy is never becoming possessive.

in fact she was into the completely open relationship thing: you can sleep with anyone, and the only rule is complete honesty. and there was something special that had to take place if you wanted to sleep with the same other person more than 1 time i think...
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
oh how i cringed when i read this. i have been guilty of this too many times... oh god how i used to be obsessed with and spend so much energy seducing certain women just because of their looks, while i actually couldnt stand them as people... but as much maybe as sometimes my shallow side want it to be more, these always just turn out to be very short flings and all my relationships have been with people i respect and find interesting and get along and have fun with.

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with the upfront, cut-and-run sexual fling with someone who is hot, it's just that dumb "why isn't my relationship with this dingbat who watches Friends reruns and listens exclusively to Carrie Underwood working???" puzzlement a lot of guys have that I find strange.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
i just realized the title of the film possession has a double meaning.

heres a question: does jealousy come from, can only come from, and the only possible outcome, of possessiveness?

an ex of mine would say yes to all 3 above -- that the trick to never feeling jealousy is never becoming possessive.

Dyads!

Jealousy is born out of insecurity. You're jealous every time a good looking guy speaks to your girlfriend if you don't feel good looking enough to be dating her.

Possessiveness I think might come from a lot of factors including/not limited to insecurity. For example, it seems that there's a dyad formed (whether biology is at work here or culture or both, and to what degree(s), I don't know) around heterosexual relationships where men really truly seem to believe that they are doing the "possessing" and that women are being "possessed" during sex and I suppose even in a relationship/marriage.

in fact she was into the completely open relationship thing: you can sleep with anyone, and the only rule is complete honesty. and there was something special that had to take place if you wanted to sleep with the same other person more than 1 time i think...

Really? I feel completely the opposite way. Sleep with anyone just for god's sake just don't tell me about it. I really don't want to know. I don't think it's important, if there's no "possessiveness" going on for real real, then there's no need to tell and why would you want to be told?
 

zhao

there are no accidents
Dyads!

Jealousy is born out of insecurity. You're jealous every time a good looking guy speaks to your girlfriend if you don't feel good looking enough to be dating her.

Possessiveness I think might come from a lot of factors including/not limited to insecurity. For example, it seems that there's a dyad formed (whether biology is at work here or culture or both, and to what degree(s), I don't know) around heterosexual relationships where men really truly seem to believe that they are doing the "possessing" and that women are being "possessed" during sex and I suppose even in a relationship/marriage.



Really? I feel completely the opposite way. Sleep with anyone just for god's sake just don't tell me about it. I really don't want to know. I don't think it's important, if there's no "possessiveness" going on for real real, then there's no need to tell and why would you want to be told?

wait. what do you mean by "dyads"??? because me and this open relationship girl used to do these communication exercises called dyads where you sit in front of eachother and each takes alternating turns to speak and listen.

well the total honesty is just for communication, and more about how you feel i think. and not like "dont know if it was all that wine but after we got out of the jacuzi things got really out of hand..."
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
because me and this open relationship girl used to do these communication exercises called dyads where you sit in front of eachother and each takes alternating turns to speak and listen.

Crikey, this sounds like the most awkward and forced thing I've ever heard. Did you also type up a sex rota to show whose turn it was to go on top?
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Crikey, this sounds like the most awkward and forced thing I've ever heard. Did you also type up a sex rota to show whose turn it was to go on top?

Yeah, does it ever come to your turn to speak and what you want to say is “Honestly… this sucks”
 
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