I'd love to take this on - I've always wanted to run a club. The only thing that's putting me off is the inevitable bit where I end up doing loads of poppers and coke and laughing hysterically in the backroom, stabbing my business partner in the back, pistol-whipping the coatroom girl in the face, laughing and firing random shots at the bar staff, and sleeping with one eye open, before torching the place at 5am to try and recoup the heavy financial losses / prevent it from falling into the hands of the Turkish mafia / prove that I am the king of fucking clubland.
I would have a policy where any DJs would have to do a mandatory 1-hour stint in the toilet, selling aftershave and offering paper towels to punters. Just as an ego-curbing measure. And whatever the womens' toilet equivalent of that is.