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DannyL

Wild Horses
This is one of the differences with therapies that work in an embodied way. They can have a profound effect regardless of your commitments to the process and self-identifications etc.
 
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Simon silverdollarcircle

Well-known member
When I did a lot more drugs I had a recurring fantasy of dying. Not properly suicidal thoughts, but the prospect / idea of just *no longer being there* was delicious and inviting
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
Simon silverdollarcircle said:
I have this recurring fantasy that I give eulogies at the funerals of friends (they're not dead yet) and I completely nail it

It's involuntary. I have no idea where it comes from
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i often fantasise about watching people give my eulogies at my funeral. thats more nornal isnt it? sobbing, inconsolable. then barty comes back here and hes writing messages through tears, you lot didnt appreciate him, now hes dead!!!!!
 
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DannyL

Wild Horses
I remember arguing with an old teacher about the Freudian death drive and he told me that the moment of loss of self in the middle of a rave on a pill was a validation of the idea for him.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
i fantasise about suicide a lot. more and more as i get older. it's not out of unhappiness at all. it's not to escape from unassuageable pain. it's just a nice idea. (tha'ts not a cry for help!)
 
shiels

shiels

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luka said:
i often fantasise about watching people give my eulogies at my funeral. thats more nornal isnt it? sobbing, inconsolable. then barty comes back here and hes writing messages through tears, you lot didnt appreciate him, now hes dead!!!!!
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Yes but then I think, fuck I need to do more! My death needs to be a much bigger deal!
 
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Simon silverdollarcircle

Well-known member
luka said:
i fantasise about suicide a lot. more and more as i get older. it's not out of unhappiness at all. it's not to escape from unassuageable pain. it's just a nice idea. (tha'ts not a cry for help!)
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Yeah I just like the idea of hitting the off switch I think. Re setting things. Shedding all the accumulated bullshit. Lock down has been good for that actually, meaning I don't fantasise about death so much now (even though ironically I'm more likely to die!)
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
lockdown i keep describing as a reset yeah. if i wasnt so vain id post a picture of what i looked like at the start of it and one of what i look like now. io looked like a corpse when this began. now i look like a 15 year old bursrting with spunk
 
shiels

shiels

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luka said:
i fantasise about suicide a lot. more and more as i get older. it's not out of unhappiness at all. it's not to escape from unassuageable pain. it's just a nice idea. (tha'ts not a cry for help!)
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This can be quite uncomfortable and tricky terrain, especially on a forum but again, this is very common.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
i dont think about how id do it. i dont picture the act. just the thought of hitting the off switch like simon says.
 
entertainment

entertainment

Well-known member
That thing about shedding all the bullshit resonates. The fantasy lets you take a step back and disentagle from the meaningless concerns and anxieties, lets you look at your life from outside perspective, puts you in control.
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
HE WAS A MAJOR FIGURE IN THE INTELLECTUAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT OF A GENERATION. SO MANY OF OUR BRIGHTEST STARS OWE HIM SO MUCH FOR HIS ENOUCRAGEMENT AND INSPIRATION.

"YES THATS RIGHT DAVID HE WASNT SCARED TO PROD US AND TO DEMAND MORE FROM US AND YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO IMPRESS HIM. ID NEVER BE WHERE I WAS TODAY WERE IT NOT FOR HIS INSPIRATIONAL DISSENSUS POSTS. IF ONLY HE WAS HERE TO SEE ME NOW AND I WAS ABLE TO THANK HIM FOR ALL HE DONE"
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
'HE TOTALLY CHANGED THE WAY I SEE THE WORLD. IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN A MENTAL PRISON AND HIS INSPIRATIONAL DISENSUS POSTS BLEW THE BARS OFF"
 
shiels

shiels

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WE DISAGREED FROM TIME TO TIME BUT WHEN I LOOK BACK NOW I REALISE HE WAS ALMOST ALWAYS RIGHT. AND IT WAS THESE TIMES I LEARNED THE MOST
 
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