Prescott is an actual double-hard bastard, or at least used to be.
Corbyn naturally condemns the violence on all sides, and seeks a diplomatic solution instead.
Starmer swaps places with his body-double body-guard and hopes nobody notices.
Johnson gives a rousing impromptu speech about the "playing fields of Eton" and the "inherent British sense of fair play", before kicking his opponent in the balls when he thinks the ref isn't looking.