favourite headline ever

Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
IdleRich said:
Not a headline as such but how can a death where the guy's head has been cut off with a chainsaw go down as not suspicious? Am I missing something or what? Why do they reiterate the fact that it's not suspicious so many times?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/7505443.stm
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Pffft...
Post-mortem tests showed he died of a "complete transection of the neck".
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I bet that was a long, difficult autopsy. ;)

It could have been suicide - they might find a note from him that says "Told you I was hardcore".
 
N

noel emits

a wonderful wooden reason
mistersloane said:
I missed that one, it's completely done my head in.
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Not just you.

It's very odd - useless reporting as usual if nothing else.
A spokesman for the coroner said: "As far as we know nobody else was involved.

"There's nothing suspicious about the death. It was in his flat on Bodmin Road.

"The place is all due to be redeveloped. He was the last resident left there. He lived there alone."
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Well that's alright then.

Apparently it's quite common for tree surgeons and the like to sustain injuries when chainsaws do that rebound thing. They are really dangerous.

But if it's not suspicious why is there no more discussion of the circumstances? What was he doing? Did a neighbour hear the saw going on for hours as the guy lay there without his head? Would the police expect a chainsaw murderer to be sitting in an armchair waiting for them?
 
woops

woops

is not like other people
not a headline

but today i saw a sign in a charity shop reading 'please ask assistant to use changing room' and fleetingly thought 'i must snap that for mr tea'

fleetingly
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
woops said:
but today i saw a sign in a charity shop reading 'please ask assistant to use changing room' and fleetingly thought 'i must snap that for mr tea'

fleetingly
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Pfft, it seems I've become a by-word on here for puns and 'dad jokes'. :)

Have to admit, I quite like being mock-offended when the instructions on how to open something say "PUSH OFF" (referring, of course, to the lid). And I can't help but think of R. Kelly whenever I see a piece of packaging that says "Keep this wrapper away from children".

Yes, yes, he's more of a singer than a rapper, but let's not let that get in the way of a joke.
 
H

heroesandvillains

Lono ̴
Plane streaker is Hudson jock

So I hear a couple of days ago that a person en route from Boston to LA goes fucking batshit crazy, strips naked and then tries to open the planes emergency exit in mid-flight. On board this plane also happened to be Boston's local soccer club who quickly subdued the passenger. They even re-routed the flight to Oklahoma to take care of the mess.

Today reading the Boston Herald I see this headline

"Plane streaker is Hudson jock"

...I'm from Hudson, and I graduated with that jock.


He was an asshole. Made my day.
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Not strictly on topic, but we don't half love a good nonce story, don't we?
From today's beeb:

news.bbc.co.uk said:
MOST POPULAR STORIES
From UK in the past week

* WEDNESDAY : 'Heart attack' halts Glitter trip
* TUESDAY : Gary Glitter flown out of Vietnam
* MONDAY : Paedophile 'librarian' is jailed
* SUNDAY : UK 'fails to prevent sex tourism'
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:confused:
 
IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
Hippopotomus swallows dwarf

I think I win this thread with this, er, freak accident

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/hippo-swallows-dwarf-p1.php

A hippopotomus reportedly swallowed a dwarf in a circus in northern Thailand.
The dwarf nicknamed “Od”, died when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippo, which was waiting for the next act.
Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex that caused her to automatically swallow.
The vets also claimed it was the first time Hilda had ever eaten a circus performer.
Unfortunately the 1000 odd spectators continued to applaud wildly, but fortunately commonsense prevailed. There had been a tragic mistake.
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