Bus drivers are cunts

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Seriously, bus drivers are a very different breed of dickhead whose jobs have crushed their souls into hate-filled, sociopathic and malicious lumps of coal. Bus driving must be some sort of social experiment created to see how to most effectively remove all traces of a person's humanity, because there are few bus drivers out there who wouldn't rejoice in taking a long steamy piss all over your day.

I am interested in everyone's horror stories of London bus-drivers. If you are from another city or country that has bad bus-drivers I'd also like to know how they compare (even though the only way I can see this happening is if you're from a war-torn country where if you don't pay the fare they publicly execute you and then send your family the bill for the bullet... and that probably still has happened in London).

Let it all out. It's ok. I'm here for you.
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Let me start:

Right so, I was getting the bus from Vauxhall to Waterloo on a Friday night and the buses were delayed so there were loads of people waiting to catch it. The bus finally shows up and opens his doors to this massive crowd of people. When he feels like enough people have got on to consider the bus "full" (even though there was clearly more room on there), he basically just shouts "BUS FULL BUS FULL CLOSING DOORS", and shuts the doors with about 5 seconds warning, cutting everyone off and hitting the gas.

We turn the corner and become aware of some yelling outside of the bus. It's a young guy, probably around my age, with his hand caught in the bus doors, literally having been dragged about 50 metres by the bus. The bus driver opens the door and the guy jumps on the bus and obviously starts yelling at him, "what the fuck are you doing" "you could've killed me" etc. etc.

The bus driver's response?
Sorry to disappoint everybody, it wasn't "Oh my god I'm so sorry are you ok?"
It was "I TOLD YOU I WAS CLOSING THE DOORS."
He tried to fuckin' argue with him!!!

Then the kid totally lost it being like "You aren't going to even say sorry you fucking dickhead?" and refused to get off the bus until he got the driver's information.

I sincerely hope that bus driver got fired. It was totally fucked.

I have loads more like this too, and I've only been here like 3 months.
 
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Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Fuck it here's one more.

Similar thing: guy closing door and driving off without paying attention.

My mate was with her friend who has a baby, and the baby was in one of those fold-up prams. The bus was full so they decided that my mate would take the baby in her arms, and the mum would fold the pram up so they could all have space.

My mate gets the baby and steps on the bus and tells the bus driver to wait a minute while her friend folds the pram up. Instead the bus driver just closes the door and drives off with my mate holding someone else's baby in her arms.

When she starts shouting at him to stop, he refuses to stop until the next bus stop, forcing her to walk back a bus stop carrying another person's baby.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
Reminds me of having to make my way home (to north London) from Brixton, because the driver of the bus I tried to get on said "This bus ain't goin' nowhere, mate" and just sat there (about one-third full) for some five or ten minutes. I resisted the urge to say "Well if it's not going nowhere, it must be going somehere", because bus drivers in Brixton are probably armed with Uzis and I really didn't want to be shot in the face.
Then he closed the doors and just drove off. What a cunt!

In general, though, bus drivers do a much harder job than tube drivers and for much less money, and when you consider the crap they have to put up with sometimes, I think most of them don't do a bad job. Of course, there will always be genuine wankers, same as in any job, as you've found yourself, Sicky.

I did have a good chuckle once a few years ago when the old Routemasters (the ones where you board through a doorless opening at the back, oo er missus) were still in use and I heard a scream from one that was pulling away from Euston station. I turned around to see a middle-aged lady with one of those rubbish little rat-sized dogs on a lead - she'd got on the bus and it had moved off, leaving her pooch running along as fast as its ickle legs would go, about to be dragged along the street. Fortunately (I suppose) the driver heard her and stopped so the dog could catch up.
 
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swears

preppy-kei
I like the grumpy old bastards, I sort of feel cheated if they're all cheerful when you get on. And how about those weird mates they have who stand at the front and talk to them all day? That's me in 30 years that is, with my Netto bag, HNS specs and Tweetie Pie jumper.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
And how about those weird mates they have who stand at the front and talk to them all day? That's me in 30 years that is, with my Netto bag, HNS specs and Tweetie Pie jumper.

Hahaha, yeah, the Bus Driver's Mate, surely a fine social position to aspire to!
 

crackerjack

Well-known member
And how about those weird mates they have who stand at the front and talk to them all day? That's me in 30 years that is, with my Netto bag, HNS specs and Tweetie Pie jumper.


Lol

I feel sorry for the buggers, they have to put up with a ton of shit (esp compared to bastard tube drivers who are doing their best to drag the reputation of unions back to the dark days).

Had a drink with one a month back. He used to have a cushy number ferrying Telegraph staff to & from their Canary Wharf offices till he got made redundant recently. He hates his new job, really hates it, and after 10 minutes of him detailing all the rules & regs (backed up with threats of dismissal should things go wrong) I sympathise. And he didn't even get started on those pesky kids.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
I feel sorry for the buggers, they have to put up with a ton of shit (esp compared to bastard tube drivers who are doing their best to drag the reputation of unions back to the dark days).

Amen to that.
 
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swears

preppy-kei
At school, some boys mooned out of the back of the top deck window and their arses pushed the ancient glass out of the pane. It shattered behind the bus, so the driver pulled over and started freaking out at them. I've never seen anybody so angry:

"I nearly crashed the bloody bus! Did you want us all to get killed? Eh? Did you want to fucking DIE?!!?!? What the fucking hell is wrong with you?" etc, etc...

Then one of their mum's complained to the school that he swore at them!

lolz
 

Immryr

Well-known member
am i the only one who finds it hilarious when bus drivers pull away from people who are walking towards the bus with their hands held out? its especially funny to me when the bus hasnt even started moving yet and pulls away all the same.
 

noel emits

a wonderful wooden reason
Routemasters are well hard. I was on one once when it mashed into a car. We didn't feel a thing on the bus but the car was destroyed. Nobody hurt but the funny thing was the driver of the car turned out to be an off duty bus driver. That's a really boring story eh?

Driving a bus must be the worst thing to do if you like driving, probably a bit like doing porno or something, having to stop every few minutes.

As a reformed Londoner I find that London bus drivers hate it if you don't have an Oyster card. They look annoyed when you show a bus pass, next time I'll just walk on and wait to see if they call me back. Also the ones that try and refuse to take cash.

All in all though self righteous mums with huge pushchairs on buses are much worse. I didn't fucking knock you up misses! :mad:
 

martin

----
am i the only one who finds it hilarious when bus drivers pull away from people who are walking towards the bus with their hands held out? its especially funny to me when the bus hasnt even started moving yet and pulls away all the same.

No, I find it hilarious too. I sympathise with bus drivers, it must be deeply satisfying when you approach a heaving bus stop, with everyone pushing and shoving and sticking their Tesco bags out, to slow down and then accelerate past, while laughing in their livid faces and giving them 2 fingers. But then, I am a bit of a cunt.
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Driving a bus must be the worst thing to do if you like driving, probably a bit like doing porno or something, having to stop every few minutes.

This is actually brilliant insight into what it must be to be a bus driver.

I bet porno stars when they go home to their girlfriends are all two-thrust buss "You weren't so great yourself" then sleep.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
All in all though self righteous mums with huge pushchairs on buses are much worse. I didn't fucking knock you up misses! :mad:

Parents who wheel around their darling offspring in buggies the size of armoured personel carriers really fucking get on my wick.
Ken should introduce a congestion charge for them.
 

you

Well-known member
Haha, martin! Totally.

Noel emits, sick boy - yup, I even feel im interupting the guy when I have to stop at the edge of a rounderbout he could really swing round. Its like im stopping him from sneezing or something equally annoying.

Seriously though, I think bus drivers have a hard time, when I think about it, its strange no one tips em, afterall they are driving you! Yet people dont even think about tipping 5 quid odd after a meal etc
 
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