Actioning a blue-skies approach outside the box

[Mr. Tea]

An especially horrible one is when people "wear" a certain "hat" when they mean looking a some problem or issue from a particular point of view.

 

[baboon2004]

And, coincidentally enough, they always seem to be wearing the 'total and utter bell-end' hat, though never admit to it.

I'm really glad I no longer work somewhere where people use this kind of language... *shiver*

 

[Mr. Tea]

I heard 'disbenefit' the other day. ODGKMN.

And, coincidentally enough, they always seem to be wearing the 'total and utter bell-end' hat, though never admit to it.

Love the idea of some middle manager sitting there at a meeting table with a Durex stretched over his bonce...

 

[IdleRich]

"An especially horrible one is when people "wear" a certain "hat" when they mean looking a some problem or issue from a particular point of view."

Did this originate with Edward de Bono and his Six Thinking Hats thing?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Thinking_Hats

He certainly fits into this thread cos he's pretty much the founding father of the kind of crap that you get taught when you go on shitty away days with your "teammates". I actually blame De Bono for the fact that one of my friends ended up getting sectioned.

 

[mrfaucet]

While discussing with my colleague their daughter's attendance at tonight's Skepta gig, I noticed that everyone's favourite Meridian resident is clearly fan of this stuff.

I’m never going to run away from it, it’s my home. No matter what I make or MC on, when you look at me, you have to see grime – I’ve contributed to the inner history of the scene. Beats that I’ve made, clashes I’ve had that are legendary; I’ve made proper marks in grime, and no matter what I do I’ll always touch base with it.

 

[Slothrop]

I've been reading a book about database software that keeps using the word 'performant'. As in, "using an appropriately chosen index can make queries significantly more performant."

Don't have a problem with the hats thing, though, it seems more like a slightly silly thing that geeks say than a bit of management-speak.

Oh, and I can't remember whether I've already posted this or not but
http://whatthefuckismysocialmediastrategy.com/

Someone's been moved into the empty office behind my desk who has people come and talk to him about social media strategies about three times a day, I actually have to keep listening to music just to block it out.

 

[michael]

Oh, and I can't remember whether I've already posted this or not but
http://whatthefuckismysocialmediastrategy.com/

Someone's been moved into the empty office behind my desk who has people come and talk to him about social media strategies about three times a day, I actually have to keep listening to music just to block it out.

Haha, I never get sick of that site, I have to say. The thing that's so killer about it is it is pretty bang on. You probably could copy and paste something from there and spin some further yang about it and get away with it. I reckon so, anyway.

 

[hucks]

Just once, I'd like to go to a meeting or a seminar or conference or anything where the consensus was that a one-size-fits-all approach was exactly what was needed.

 

[Mr. Tea]

Don't have a problem with the hats thing, though, it seems more like a slightly silly thing that geeks say than a bit of management-speak.

Ugh no, it's one of my absolute bugbears. I think what's so horrible about it is the way it combines corporate management-ese with the sappiest kind of pop-psychology. I've come to think of this sort of language as 'assholistic'.

 

[hucks]

Just once, I'd like to go to a meeting or a seminar or conference or anything where the consensus was that a one-size-fits-all approach was exactly what was needed.

And fuck it, next time I AM going to reinvent the wheel.

 

[alex]

'going forward' is a phrase being banded about our office like it’s something you say for strippers to appear. The only time it should be used is if you are starting a sentence with ‘are you’, ‘this week’, afterward and a question mark on the end.

 

[Slothrop]

'going forward' is a phrase being banded about our office like it’s something you say for strippers to appear. The only time it should be used is if you are starting a sentence with ‘are you’, ‘this week’, afterward and a question mark on the end.

I've heard they've got One-size-fits-all-man playing...

 

[jenks]

We got a guy who clearly wanted to be in the SAS and ended up as a Geography teacher, now Senior Leader. All his motivating speeches are military based - shot and shell, lock shields etc I can just about cope with verbing nouns - actioning, for example but no matter how bad it gets in the classroom, I am not in a warzone.

 

[Slothrop]

I really want to get the word 'imagineering' into conversation. It feels kind of like the end of level boss of corporate bullshitting.

 

[viktorvaughn]

Had a meeting on Tuesday when someone said 'too many people at the wrong end of the sausage factory' to mean, er, people not doing the right thing.

(NB in a meeting not connected with butchery or sausage production).

 

[Mr. Tea]

I'm about to have a phone interview with a company whose corporate bumf includes "actionable", "leverage" and "sell-thru". Wish me, um, luck? :slanted:

*grimly loads single chamber of old service revolver*

 

[Mr. Tea]

I'm about to have a phone interview with a company whose corporate bumf includes "actionable", "leverage" and "sell-thru". Wish me, um, luck? :slanted:

*grimly loads single chamber of old service revolver*

Well fuck that job, I've been offered a much better one, huzzah!

Another awful office usage that I don't think I've seen in this thread so far is 'ping', meaning 'email', as in "I'll send you the form and if you could ping it back to myself...". Ugh.

I also remembered a brilliant illustration of how fundamentally very dull business processes are given outlandish names in an attempt to make them sound awesome and badass: Johnson in Peep Show masterminding a 'top secret' plan to merge Sales and Marketing, which he codenames Project: ZEUS...

 

[Slothrop]

Well fuck that job, I've been offered a much better one, huzzah!

Another awful office usage that I don't think I've seen in this thread so far is 'ping', meaning 'email', as in "I'll send you the form and if you could ping it back to myself...". Ugh.

I've always used ping in the context of pinging someone ie sending them an email (or something) with the expectation of getting a fairly simple response fairly quickly. I think this is old hacker usage, by analogy with 'pinging' an IP address...

I've got a friend who tends to 'codename' his outdoorsy holidays and climbing trips things like "Operation Arctic Fox." But he's a bit of a one-off.

Oh, and yesterday I was pestered by some of our marketing people to explain what makes the project I've been working on for the last six months interesting and distinctive - it's basically a search box with an autocomplete feature, but apparently "comes up with good quality search results and autocomplete suggestions" isn't good enough to sell it on...

 

[STN]

what about calling it a word prediction and actioning platform?

 

[slowtrain]

Oh, and yesterday I was pestered by some of our marketing people to explain what makes the project I've been working on for the last six months interesting and distinctive - it's basically a search box with an autocomplete feature, but apparently "comes up with good quality search results and autocomplete suggestions" isn't good enough to sell it on...

What about making a "least conducive to actually finding what you want but still retaining some sort of 'oh... i could maybe see how i want to search for that, but not really'" autocomplete?

Kinda like that search engine that will take you to the very last google result for your search term, but for autocomplete.

I'd use that.