baboon2004
Darned cockwombles.
you're sick. i like it.
Exes and friendships
- Thread starter baboon2004
- Start date
you're sick. i like it.
OK Babs, seeing as nobody's given you a straight "NO" yet, I'll say...don't do it. Just my 2p, but do realise that if/when you ever meet her new squeeze, your inner alpha viking berserker WILL emerge and you'll want to smash his wanky head in (or at least see him humiliated and laugh at his misfortune). He'll also despise you, despite civil appearances. Your ex'll be yapping, "Oh, this is Baboon, one of my closest BLAH BLAH BLAH", cos she'll be totally oblivious to the unspoken DNA clash building up between the two of you.
I reckon, cut her loose. Imagine she's been sucked into a black hole, and all you can do is shake your head, shrug your shoulders and get on with your own stuff. It's just you and your ego now, so don't put your ego at risk by doing something insane like getting drunk and ringing her ("as a friend") and blurting out, "Are you seeing anyone?" And don't let people tell you, "Oh, that's such an immature attitude, I'm still friends with ALL my exes!" Those are the kind of people who voted Lib Dem, or who buy Brazil shirts in the quarter stages of the World Cup. Passionless.
I reckon, cut her loose. Imagine she's been sucked into a black hole, and all you can do is shake your head, shrug your shoulders and get on with your own stuff. It's just you and your ego now, so don't put your ego at risk by doing something insane like getting drunk and ringing her ("as a friend") and blurting out, "Are you seeing anyone?" And don't let people tell you, "Oh, that's such an immature attitude, I'm still friends with ALL my exes!" Those are the kind of people who voted Lib Dem, or who buy Brazil shirts in the quarter stages of the World Cup. Passionless.
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baboon2004
Darned cockwombles.
Great answer again, what I have generally thought over the past few years. Particularly like the last line - I voted Lib Dem to my shame, and want to cut off the right arm that committed such a heinous act.
Oh, we split up cos she's not properly over her ex (not an excuse, as it's come out often enough for me to know it's true), so if she does see anyone in the next year or whatever, I kinda don't envy them.
And I know I wasn't in love with her (she's just stupidly beautiful and nice, not my 'soulmate' [insert less noxious synonym]), so that makes a huge difference. Believe me, I would NEVER be asking this question if I had feelings approximating to 'love', whatever that is (Christ that sounds bitter. I'm not really, but it made me laugh).
Totally agree that being friends with all one's exes is mental behaviour. Some of them I'd be likely to kill.
Oh, we split up cos she's not properly over her ex (not an excuse, as it's come out often enough for me to know it's true), so if she does see anyone in the next year or whatever, I kinda don't envy them.
And I know I wasn't in love with her (she's just stupidly beautiful and nice, not my 'soulmate' [insert less noxious synonym]), so that makes a huge difference. Believe me, I would NEVER be asking this question if I had feelings approximating to 'love', whatever that is (Christ that sounds bitter. I'm not really, but it made me laugh).
Totally agree that being friends with all one's exes is mental behaviour. Some of them I'd be likely to kill.
matt b
Indexing all opinion
seconded
D
droid
Guest
lol. If he gets three does that make him an official guru?
I could certainly see him in saffron.
I could certainly see him in saffron.
don_quixote
Trent End
couldn't agree with martin more. cut off all ties for ever. if it's friendly it's friendly on your terms and those terms are "i will only contact you when i want" subclause "very rarely if ever"
mistersloane
heavy heavy monster sound
Nah you lot are bein really weird and straight about it now. Just cos you used to fuck someone doesn't mean anything. Leave it for a while, say a coupla days, and then be glad they're gonna do someone else. It's such a relief seeing people you used to fuck and thinking 'oh thank god'.
But that doesn't mean you can't be friends, especially if they're
i) rich
ii) drug dealers
iii) can get free tickets to gigs
If they weren't any of the above three, why the fuck would you wanna still speak to them anyway?
But that doesn't mean you can't be friends, especially if they're
i) rich
ii) drug dealers
iii) can get free tickets to gigs
If they weren't any of the above three, why the fuck would you wanna still speak to them anyway?
baboon2004
Darned cockwombles.
to the point as ever 
well, she got me into free gigs, and, um, she's rich. 2 out of 3, etc etc.
well, she got me into free gigs, and, um, she's rich. 2 out of 3, etc etc.
nomadthethird
more issues than Time mag
Yeah, I was thinking while reading through some of these comments- if nobody could manage to speak and be friends and live amicably with people whom they had fucked in the past, then my circle of friends basically wouldn't exist.
mistersloane
heavy heavy monster sound
to the point as ever
hehe well....if you don't wanna be friends with her, can I have her?
mistersloane
heavy heavy monster sound
God innit? Everyone I know fucks or has fucked each other, just everyone. I'm kinda weird in that I don't and prefer not to, um, shit in my own backyard. But sometimes you get on with people for a bit, sometimes you want to fuck them once, sometimes you want to fuck them for a while, sometimes you want to fuck them forever, sometimes you don't wanna fuck them but you want to live with them forever, god. I certainly don't want to own the person just cos I fuck them, and I certainly don't want to own them after I'm not fucking them. Yuck and suck and boo to that DNA. Doesn't mean I'd ever vote fucking Lib Dem either
Sorry I got a temperature of 38 at the moment so am particularly grouchy.
mistersloane
heavy heavy monster sound
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nomadthethird
more issues than Time mag
Mwahaha...
yeah when they talk about it it's like:
Does. Not. Compute.
I'm in a bad mood because my brothers getting married and it's costing me a small fortune. Plus I have to be in the wedding party AND go to a "bachelorette" party tomorrow plus TWO SHOWERS. The whole thing is a ridiculous money grub, and yet, they're paying out the ass to have it in the first place. It just makes no sense- they've been living together for like 5 years now, wtf difference will it make? Besides ensuring that they no longer have sex...take the money you'd spend and go on a nice long vacation...dumb shits!
mistersloane
heavy heavy monster sound
Mwahaha...
yeah when they talk about it it's like:
Does. Not. Compute.
I'm in a bad mood because my brothers getting married and it's costing me a small fortune. Plus I have to be in the wedding party AND go to a "bachelorette" party tomorrow plus TWO SHOWERS. The whole thing is a ridiculous money grub, and yet, they're paying out the ass to have it in the first place. It just makes no sense- they've been living together for like 5 years now, wtf difference will it make? Besides ensuring that they no longer have sex...take the money you'd spend and go on a nice long vacation...dumb shits!
Sorry baboon not getting at you, she's rich, what were you doing? Are you mad, man? Get her back!
Don't even get me started on weddings. I'll hate weddings until I'm allowed one in a real church with a real priest and god can bless me as fucking favourably as he does men and women. I went to one in Ireland recently that cost 40, 000 euro. Forty fucking thousand euro. It was nice. It's priorities I guess, I was just thinking, god, there isn't even any fucking free coke. Can you imagine how much of a REAL good time that money could buy? I can! I can!
It's amazing how a fever gives me the fucking potty mouth from hell.
baboon2004
Darned cockwombles.
i thought it was possible, but it seems to be short lived usually.
probably inspired partly by the possiblity that it might be a route to getting back together.
i think its usually best to just break of it entirely after youve kinda weaned yourself off each other.
though it depends of course on a million factors.
def a case by case thing.
well done to any couple who manage to stay good friends after breaking up (my sister has done this amazingly smoothly with her ex partner, and theyre both married to diff ppl now, but still really good friends who play a part in each others lives)
probably inspired partly by the possiblity that it might be a route to getting back together.
i think its usually best to just break of it entirely after youve kinda weaned yourself off each other.
though it depends of course on a million factors.
def a case by case thing.
well done to any couple who manage to stay good friends after breaking up (my sister has done this amazingly smoothly with her ex partner, and theyre both married to diff ppl now, but still really good friends who play a part in each others lives)
nomadthethird
more issues than Time mag
Oh, here's a good one: I like it when you break it off with someone, after enduring what seems like a neverending onslaught of their abuse and controlling behavior, only to have them try to spin it like they are the one dumping you, and this was their sinister plan all along- they are some sort of victorious warrior PUA.
I mean, I know it's easier to write yourself into the powerful role than it is to face the hard realities. I know that better than anyone. But I don't understand some people at all. Some people are truly selfish and just can't see anything from any perspective but their own, ever. Most of the most selfish and self-blind people in the world are, in my experience, men. I've never seen a woman do this, to me or anyone else.
Relationships remind me of why I don't want one in the first place. And why people prefer porn and vibrators to spending everyday seeking out attachments. For what? To what end?
More and more I understand the logic and good sense behind Anna Nicole Smith's outlook on life. That's for damn sure.
I mean, I know it's easier to write yourself into the powerful role than it is to face the hard realities. I know that better than anyone. But I don't understand some people at all. Some people are truly selfish and just can't see anything from any perspective but their own, ever. Most of the most selfish and self-blind people in the world are, in my experience, men. I've never seen a woman do this, to me or anyone else.
Relationships remind me of why I don't want one in the first place. And why people prefer porn and vibrators to spending everyday seeking out attachments. For what? To what end?
More and more I understand the logic and good sense behind Anna Nicole Smith's outlook on life. That's for damn sure.
baboon2004
Darned cockwombles.
Many women are like that - believe me, I've been out with some of them! I agree that the need to preserve ego can stop people from considering reality.
Yeah, relationships do seem kind of ridiculous sometimes. You get very close to someone, often in a short space of time, and then they're often out of your life for ever at a moment's notice. Frequently it seems like some kind of test of your ability to handle life's essential transience, with added headfuck factor.
nomadthethird
more issues than Time mag
At least in the past, people didn't pretend that marriage was about love. Nobody really expected or believed that relationships with the opposite sex were going to be the most amazing and fulfilling experience there would be in life. People generally acknowledged that sex could happen with or without romantic feelings, and neither way was inherently better or less complicated than the other.
Now everyone seems to believe the exact opposite, to the point where women get killed for transgressing the role women are expected to play in all of this. (Which is, of course, rarely a flattering one, and usually one where they get saddled with all of the affective/household work or alternately negative social repercussions.)
Another ironic thing I've noticed is that it's usually the guys who imagine themselves the most enlightened who rely most on double-standards and asymmetrical role expectations.
Now everyone seems to believe the exact opposite, to the point where women get killed for transgressing the role women are expected to play in all of this. (Which is, of course, rarely a flattering one, and usually one where they get saddled with all of the affective/household work or alternately negative social repercussions.)
Another ironic thing I've noticed is that it's usually the guys who imagine themselves the most enlightened who rely most on double-standards and asymmetrical role expectations.
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