Dissensus' Ethical Question of the Day

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I think I'm still bitter about spending loads of money on a stag do in Estonia only for the couple in question to divorce a year or so later. I want my money back. When my friend got married again (an arranged marriage this time) I flat out refused to go on another stag do - I think everyone else did too.

A couple of years ago my brother had this mad year when I think just over a dozen of his friends got married in one year - or more than than, as he knew both the bride and groom in several cases, but anyway I think he was doing more than one a month on average over the year. One couple got hitched in some stupendously expensive country-house hotel in the New Forest and another couple (both of them from, and living in, SE England) got married somewhere in the Scottish Highlands. Between travel and gifts he spent several grand. And the couple who had the most expensive bash did what your mate did, and got divorced less than a year later. I'd have been tempted to ask for the present back!
 
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sufi

lala
Well, totally disagree with everybody on this one :D nothing better than than the random wedding destination - pamplona & georgia (us) in the last few years, also rejkyavic and even.... glasgow * in the past, all of them were so well worth the (massive & exhausting & pricy) efforts - my only regret is missing 2 others in philipines and tanzania 2010 & 08

looking fwd for ethical dissensus dilemma #2 tomoro!!

* o yeh - can you all guess which longtime dissenter - still happily wed after all these years x ?
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Argh, this is actually a pet peeve of mine. I don't understand why couples do this to their friends and family. Hey! We're having a day/weekend that is entirely about us and how great it is to be either of us where you all politely stand around and agree, and because we completely DON'T take it for granted that we have anyone in the world who genuinely wants to participate in that, we'll make it as DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO ATTEND.

In conclusion: of course you have to go. But you don't have to like it.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
Argh, this is actually a pet peeve of mine. I don't understand why couples do this to their friends and family. Hey! We're having a day/weekend that is entirely about us and how great it is to be either of us where you all politely stand around and agree, and because we completely DON'T take it for granted that we have anyone in the world who genuinely wants to participate in that, we'll make it as DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO ATTEND.

In conclusion: of course you have to go. But you don't have to like it.

Was just trying to think of how to reply to Sufi, whose position I understand and agree with to an extent - it's the weird, passive-aggressive mode of communication used in these kind of wedding invites that really pisses me off. And you've hit nail on head there.

Ethical Dilemma #2 - ah shit, I've landed myself in it here, haven't I....
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
Dissensus Ethical Question #2

If someone has wronged someone you know but aren't particularly close to (but who you like, but not that much), to what extent is it incumbent upon you to exact some measure of revenge upon that person?

I can't help but make these vague, sorry!
 

luka

Well-known member
when i livd in uk you could gt to glasgow for 1 pound on mega bus.com you curmudgeounly old git... i thought when i saw this thread it was gonna be in hawaii
 

STN

sou'wester
Dissensus Ethical Question #2

If someone has wronged someone you know but aren't particularly close to (but who you like, but not that much), to what extent is it incumbent upon you to exact some measure of revenge upon that person?

I can't help but make these vague, sorry!

If the opportunity for vengeance presents itself, it would be churlish not to take it, but don't feel you have to make special arrangements.

as for #1, it's only Glasgow. I like a good wedding. Sneak in some Buckfast or something.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
True, but it is more the principle of clear communication and due concern for other people, rather than the location of the wedding, that is what bothers me most. Sure, Glasgow's near, relatively.

So you advocate a principle of spontaneous vengeance?
 

STN

sou'wester
It doesn't strike me that you'll be making a great, principled stand if you don't go, to be honest.

Yes, I do, at least in the sort of case you outline in your query. And woe betide you if it turns out I know this woman and you upset her by failing to attend her wedding.
 

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
As far as I'm concerned, having a wedding somewhere a bit random is fine - although if it's actually on the other side of the world, then you don't expect everyone to make the trip - but having one on a weekday is a bit random and annoying.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
"having one on a weekday is a bit random and annoying."
I actually think that the weekday thing is fine - it makes it a lot cheaper and I think that people are entitled to reduce the costs of what is already gonna be an expensive day. Though the combination of far and weekday makes it difficult I guess. Maybe you have to pick one or the other.

If someone has wronged someone you know but aren't particularly close to (but who you like, but not that much), to what extent is it incumbent upon you to exact some measure of revenge upon that person?
I think how incumbent on you it is to exact revenge is directly proportional to how much you like the wronged person multiplied by how badly they've been wronged.
 

john eden

male pale and stale
Dissensus Ethical Question #2

If someone has wronged someone you know but aren't particularly close to (but who you like, but not that much), to what extent is it incumbent upon you to exact some measure of revenge upon that person?

I can't help but make these vague, sorry!

Not incumbent at all, unless the injured party has made it plain that this would be welcomed.

Otherwise isn't revenge in this instance all about ego or wanting to be the hero?
 

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
Dissensus Ethical Question #2

If someone has wronged someone you know but aren't particularly close to (but who you like, but not that much), to what extent is it incumbent upon you to exact some measure of revenge upon that person?

I can't help but make these vague, sorry!

Unless it's rape or perhaps burglary then I wouldn't really get involved.

You could get weirdly moral and exact a measure of revenge upon the person that you aren't particularly close to but like but not much, just for the fun of it, for making you have to think about such matters. An emetic in a pint of beer, that sort of thing.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
yes, that makes sense. to be honest, i've given up worrying about it - people can sort out their own medium-sized problems (generally speaking).
 

sufi

lala
Not incumbent at all, unless the injured party has made it plain that this would be welcomed.

Otherwise isn't revenge in this instance all about ego or wanting to be the hero?
What about solidarity in the face of adversity?
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Unless the person is close, no obligation to exact revenge at all. Vengeance when done on someone else's behalf is actually a pretty intimate gesture. It says that you're willing to put yourself on the line for no other reason than to defend their honour. Not everyone deserves that.
 
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