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Thread: How to sound like a nonce in art galleries

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdleRich View Post
    So how did it go?


    It went pretty weirdly.

    After consulting with the cultural colonisers here at dissensus, I realised this art thing was more complex than it seemed.

    Decided to do some thing else.

    Weíre both into music so I thought we could go watch a band or something. You know, kick back in a dark space where groping isnít inspected too intensely.

    She wanted to see ďgirl in redĒ. Theyíre this bedroom pop/lo-fi shoegazy band - they sound Spotify playlist sponsored tbh.

    I said yeah whatever and off we went!

    It was cool meeting her. Maybe sheíd slowed down on the banana fritters, but she looked skinnier than her pictures.
    Fat girls always have really glossy faces, so she looked peng up top which was cool too.

    Weíve got like a couple hours before the show and start chatting away. Sheís actually alright. Sheís funny/smart which is important to me.
    We walk around a bit, do some window shopping which is cool.

    Eventually we head to Cafe Nero and she stuffs her face on a muffin which is predictable.

    At this point in time, Iím thinking Iím definitely in there. Iím getting ready to fill up my tank with some gasholine.

    This is where it gets weird for me.

    A couple hours later. We get to the show. Queuing up. Looking around. Examining the sights.

    Idk, maybe thereís some gasholine out there that doesnít know itíll be going in my tank tonight.

    This is where I realise Iím the only black person in my vicinity.
    Look around some more at the queue. A lot of vanilla faces. A lot of pasty individuals. Very little spice and no chocolate.

    I usually donít consider the racial dynamics of every room Iím in so I tried to shrug it off.

    We get in the club. (Heaven)
    For those among the dissensus community that donít identify as cultural colonisers, Heaven is a cool gay club.

    I start freaking out again lol. Definitely the weirdest show Iíve ever been too.

    I start looking around at the demographics around me and Iím not represented anywhere.

    Iím looking at some real dorks in there; rolled up jeans, tutus, flower print shirts, genuine rainbow flags draped on backs like capes, I saw a hat that said ďFruity PrinceĒ AND they all look like 2 years younger than me.

    This crowd was young, white, gay and very uncool. A mass of caucasian cornballs.

    I was completely off my game. The anxiety kicked in. I think I said like 5 sentences to my stout date for the rest of the show.

    Sheís bouncing away, causing minor earthquakes with each jump. Every now and then sheíd look at me alluringly, like she wanted a smooch.
    Iíd smile and turn my head back to the show.
    Like I actually wanted to make a move but the anxiety had a complete grip. I was deep in existential contemplation at this point.

    My date moved to the front to get a better view.
    She started participating with what these clowns considered moshing.

    Every now and then sheís come back, smoulder at me for a while, then pout when I didnít do anything.

    Eventually she stopped coming back.

    The show ended. We walked to our train in awkward silence.
    Awkward hug and kiss when she got to her stop. Obviously havenít seen her again.

    How do you tell a date about an experience like that? I doubt sheíd have got it.

    This is like the the most vivid experience Iíve ever had of feeling disconnected from whatís around me. Itís the first time Iíve looked around and felt strangely at not seeing a mirror of myself.

    There was no gasholine on this night.

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  3. #17
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    Well I enjoyed reading that, dunno about anyone else.

    Me trying to make sense of the racial, cultural, sexual and fat-related dynamics going on in this anecdote:

    conspiracy_theory_meme.jpg
    Quote Originally Posted by woops
    i hate sigs

  4. #18
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    Well... at least you got a kind of story thing out of it. I guess. But sounds as though the choice of band and venue etc got in the way of what might have been true love. As an aside I remember going to hard house nights at Heaven almost twenty years ago... bonkers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mistersloane View Post
    How to sound like a nonce in an art gallery.

    Cor, check out that six year old looking at that painting. I'd fuck that up the arse.
    Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate

  6. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdleRich View Post
    Well... at least you got a kind of story thing out of it. I guess. But sounds as though the choice of band and venue etc got in the way of what might have been true love. As an aside I remember going to hard house nights at Heaven almost twenty years ago... bonkers.
    Definitely a night to remember for all the wrong reasons lol. I didnít know Heaven had an interesting history. Iíve only been a couple times but my mates who go out more say itís like a gay haven now.

  7. #21
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    I think it's been a gay club for years and years... probably since the nineties, although that particular night wasn't a gay night (unless it was and I was just very unobservant).

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    Quote Originally Posted by IdleRich View Post
    I think it's been a gay club for years and years... probably since the nineties, although that particular night wasn't a gay night (unless it was and I was just very unobservant).
    Was always gay, since late 70s, very brief period around acid house/balearic where some str8 people found a venue where it was cool to do drugs, and subsequent nights and always did occasional gigs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ibadan View Post
    Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate
    Or you could just look at children and chant that.

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  11. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by mistersloane View Post
    Or you could just look at children and chant that.
    Hahahaha, excellent.

    Good to see you, mister S.
    Quote Originally Posted by woops
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Tea View Post
    Hahahaha, excellent.

    Good to see you, mister S.
    )

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    Ah 90s, 70s, it's all a blur. Wasn't Ian Levine involved at some point?

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    In a strange echo I spent a night in Heaven in 1991.
    The Ragga Twins playing live at Rage.
    I was in a white minority and had - foolishly it turned out - taken a microd*t.

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  16. #28
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    Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate
    I'm pretty sure you didn't mean nonce in the original post.
    Allegedly it's an abbreviation of "Not on normal communal exercise" in prisons... ie people who have to be separated from the rest of the inmates cos they are sex criminals or child killers or whatever. I'm not sure if that origin is really correct but that is definitely the standard meaning.

  17. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdleRich View Post
    I'm pretty sure you didn't mean nonce in the original post.
    Allegedly it's an abbreviation of "Not on normal communal exercise" in prisons... ie people who have to be separated from the rest of the inmates cos they are sex criminals or child killers or whatever. I'm not sure if that origin is really correct but that is definitely the standard meaning.
    Nah, that's a backronym. It's just a very old insult meaning a nothing, a nobody, a worthless person.

    You know the rather archaic phrase "for the nonce", meaning "for now" or "for the time being"? I properly cracked up when Humbert Humbert says "Let me be sentimental for the nonce..." in Lolita.
    Quote Originally Posted by woops
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  18. #30
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    I would assume Ibadan meant ponce, rather than nonce.
    Quote Originally Posted by woops
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