Entertainment’s date

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
Entertainment is going on a date this Thursday. Craner’s the only dissensian who’s managed to get to 1st base before (discounting that time tea flung his seminal fluid at a woman a la silence of the lambs), so we’re all very excited about entertainment’s upcoming adventure.

Of course we’ll need a minute by minute breakdown of the date itself (Live updates?), but in the meantime entertainment can tell us about the lady, how they met, where he’s taking her, post a picture of what he’ll wear, etc.
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
I’ve never spoken to a girl before, but I have a sister and live with my mum so not to boast or anything, but I’m sort of dissensus’ guru on all things lady-rated.

Women like spontaneous, confident men so it’s good to have a party trick. I’d suggest doing a routine I call “mummy penguin” in which you shape your hand like a beak and then you chew up food in your mouth before spitting it into your beak-hand like how penguins feed their young by vomiting into their mouths.

every time she eats she’ll think about it (and by extension you).
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
Corpsey read the game, so should be some help. Though he hasn’t had sex yet, he did almost pluck up the courage to make eye contact with the pretty girl who sells prawn sandwiches at the Sainsbury’s petrol station. He may prove to be an invaluable asset. A mentor figure for entertainment.
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
Maybe memorise the bus timetable so in case you run out of things to say you can stare her straight in the eyes and start rattling it off. She’ll be dead impressed.
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
She may want to know about your hobbies and interests, so have a couple of key dissensus threads ready on your phone to show her. I’d personally suggest ‘making friends with crows’ and the now infamous ‘panning gems’. If there’s still time after that you could also show her ‘the cum box’ thread.

Read them aloud to her and have different voices for different dissensians. Also include ‘the following users would like to thank x for this post’ so she gets a grasp on all our different sensibilities.
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
Bring a piece of cloth to wipe away excess perspiration. You can have a little joke with her about it “oh I’m just dabbing my brow” you could say every time you do it so it becomes a running thing.

On the bus once I said to a girl “I’m sweating because I like you”, she smiled before walking away so you could try that one on her.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
You forgot to mention that Simon has the most frustrating time of all, because women spontaneously start following him in the street and lustfully pawing at him, having caught sight of the enormous bulge in his trousers, but when he gets them into bed they invariably freak out at the sheer Cyclopean dimensions of the thing and run away in terror.
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
You forgot to mention that Simon has the most frustrating time of all, because women spontaneously start following him in the street and lustfully pawing at him, having caught sight of the enormous bulge in his trousers, but when he gets them into bed they invariably freak out at the sheer Cyclopean dimensions of the thing and run away in terror.

Crucial point that is. Outrageous bulbosity.

Cockseptronica
 

luka

Well-known member
It's called elephantiasis of the penis and it's no laughing matter. I like banter like the next man but don't make light of elephantiasis of the bell bed which is what he suffers from
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
no word of a lie, when me and luke last saw him he was saying that he’s got all back problems because if it. We had to change seats in the restaurant and everything.

You’re sitting there trying to keep a straight face while Simon Reynolds is literally telling you he’s considering back surgery because his cock’s too big.
 

blissblogger

Well-known member
On the bus once I said to a girl “I’m sweating because I like you”, she smiled before walking away so you could try that one on her.

that's weird you say that, when you did that thread a while ago about songs about sex, or perhaps it was embarrassing songs of lust, something like that, can't remember - i was going to post about this INXS lyric that always tickled me, in "Need You Tonight"

"There's something about you girl
That makes me sweat"

Delivered in the hoarsely hungry Hutchence voice

I also enjoy the impish chorus

"I need you tonight
'Cause I'm not sleeping"
 

entertainment

Well-known member
I just broke up with someone who was very special and I think about her all the time, so I can't really give anything of myself, but it should be fun.

Unfortunately, it hasn't really got that date excitement about it.

We already met on new years eve where we went back to my apartment and I couldn't get it up because I was too drunk and she had left when I woke up. We had a good time walking those 5 km through Copenhagen at dawn tho. Wasn't really romantic or intimate (we were both pretty drunk) but more of a mellow alliance of having solaced each other for however long it should last.

I remember her as quite fun and charming. Warm smile, dark curls.
 

entertainment

Well-known member
It's been moved to tuesday and we're just going to hang out, maybe cook something or watch a movie

So not really a date date
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
It sounds like you’re baking in meh-ness. Maybe out of some holdover loyalty for your ex or maybe as a way to protect yourself from it going wrong/getting rejected (“I didn’t care anyway”).

I’d suggest you give it more oomph. Make it special- not in an emotional way but in a fun way. Make it a night to remember. Put a bit of effort in.
 

sadmanbarty

Well-known member
From personal experience if she still wants to hang out after you couldn’t get it up 1) she’s really, really into you and 2) you’re about to put on a beast of a performance. Literally blow it out of her mind. Orgasmic amnesia.
 
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