the "why don't/didn't you talk (or say anything)?" paradox

0bleak

0bleak

A Liniment's Evil Work
I've been in numerous social situations, whether large or small gatherings, or those awkward situations where you're with you s.o. and also one or more their family (no, not sexually, you pervs), or just generally any situation where there is more than just two people including yourself (generally if I'm in a "social" situation with just one other person, I already know them pretty well - if not, well, who is to say...)
well, anyway, the question that has often been asked of me is "why don't/didn't you talk (or say anything)?"
It sometimes occurs to me later (rarely in the moment as I'm too busy basking in my social failures), is to ask the interrogator why didn't _they_ talk to me?
What the hell is up with that?

I was also thinking yesterday about one of the odd situations that happened the last time I went out dancing:
I went outside for a smoke on the currently pretty empty patio (was it a patio? I don't know if that's the right word) and a woman follows me out, pulls up to a table and sits down and starts staring at me very intensely while flirtatiously stirring her drink.
I'm like, WTF, this is really awkward. and now I'm supposed to go over there and be someone charming although I've already been wholly disarmed by your intensity.
How about THIS?
How about _YOU_ come talk to _me_ instead of placing us in this awkward "come hither" scenario while you coquettishly stir your drink?
I don't think she even waited five minutes before I finished my cigarette before flirt turned to glower and she started shaking her head in angry disapproval before storming off.
Come on, this isn't the 1950s in the south.
I've been used to women being aggressive, coming on strong, and being initiators my whole life now!
Furthermore, I was starting to get real iffy about talking to any strange women at that point because, by then, the whole social justice movement was in full swing, and guess where we were at the time - one of the epicenters, home of evergreen state college - Olympia, Washington.
Considering my nvld and some past experiences online and off, I wasn't ready to go racing into some situation at a party where people could get the wrong idea even if I was trying to be helpful like I had experienced before.

uh, where was I - oh, yeah, so that situation had me thinking about what I guess I'm calling the absurd "why don't/didn't you talk (or say anything)?" paradox I've frequently experienced.
 
0bleak

0bleak

A Liniment's Evil Work
oh, god, thc is the worst!
last few times I smoked, every time I opened my stupid mouth, I felt like I was saying the most stupid things while sounding like a slack-jawed yokel - not pleasant to be hating on yourself just for opening your mouth
 
Murphy

Murphy

cat malogen
Our ladies here will talk your head off and, for a small contribution towards their kebab/chips and taxi, gladly fuck you to death

Found the US a conversation hotspot, just not on the metro or morning commute. God forbid you interrupt a 1st coffee, guns could be drawn

Conviviality is a paradox of American life in that, while Britain has plenty of shit clubs, we don’t have the same ‘bar’ culture as the US @A Liniment's Evil Work ie venues where people sit and consume booze solo, maybe eat a heap of nachos, as you find stateside. The US is both more conservative and more loose in this sense
 
Murphy

Murphy

cat malogen
People’s default social settings here tend to be aloof, heads down, until the poisons hit. Of course, people drink here alone in pubs quietly, cohorts who just want to be left to get their thirst quenched in a local boozer, do a crossword, maybe catch up with Eric and Peggy from down t’rrroad if the stars align as regulars of establishments which’ve probably survived numerous local cullings (now paying £-too-much a pint for the privilege)

Any conversation with a younger cohort - male, female, mixed (def not Biscetti) - is a lottery and can go from awkward to monster gakked/k’d out with an unwanted arm round your shoulder in seconds. Your new fren will proceed to preach loudly to anyone and no-one “you and me against the FUUUUKKKIN world our kid, you and me AGAINST THE FUUUKKKIN WORRRLD , OUR KID!, before you see amputated toes like Linebruv in Sheffield or worse as the mood darkens and a random gets glassed

Tbh I know fuck all about clubs today. I love the Burroughs quote about sitting in a room with someone in near silence as life is so chaotic and peace so rare (see tincture recipe), bliss as fun conversation usually resides with family and old friends
 
Murphy

Murphy

cat malogen
Ever been stuck in a lift? I have and I’m grateful its situational compression was alleviated by Americans with a sense of humour. Once the engineer was on the phone and we knew it was secure, people just started yakking

If it had been here, jfc, would have been a tortuously slow demise with one talker and the rest fantasising about how they’d kill them
 
0bleak

0bleak

A Liniment's Evil Work
another thing I was thinking about - can you imagine if I followed a woman outside, sat myself at a table a few feet from where she was standing, and started leering at her?
I'd be thrown out on my ass!
 
0bleak

0bleak

A Liniment's Evil Work
one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been in and I've had a lot of weird shit happen to me
I was trying to avert my gaze, but trying to find somewhere else look was also really awkward.
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
martin said:
Maybe she was just a nutter. I wouldn't take it to heart.
My problem's more people saying "Why DID you have to open your trap?"
Click to expand...
Maybe YOUR problem is that you can't help opening your trap?

Ever think about that, eh?
 
mixed_biscuits

mixed_biscuits

_________________________
Murphy said:
Ever been stuck in a lift? I have and I’m grateful its situational compression was alleviated by Americans with a sense of humour. Once the engineer was on the phone and we knew it was secure, people just started yakking

If it had been here, jfc, would have been a tortuously slow demise with one talker and the rest fantasising about how they’d kill them
Click to expand...
Luckily the last time this happened I had my hymn book on me and the hours just flew by.
 
0bleak

0bleak

A Liniment's Evil Work
saw that comment regarding the hymn book posted by master_baiter while I was on my phone
can't quote it while on laptop since I have them blocked, but I have to admit was that it was pretty clever
 
T

thirdform

pass the sick bucket
there is a famous turkish proverb

'doğru söyleyeni dokuz köyden kovarlar'.

which translates to they exile the truth teller from nine villages.

We also call chatterboxes who are always in everyones faces interfering with peoples business maydonoz (parsley).
 
0bleak

0bleak

A Liniment's Evil Work
The thing I've always forgotten is to have a couple of light and breezy conversation starters in my back pocket.
from now on, when approached by someone, I'll first reveal something about myself in order to make them feel more comfortable
simply:


next, I'll ask a light and breezy "getting to know you" question: Do you take any prescription medication?
no matter the response to that, I'll simply go back to:


^repeat until conversation ends
 
mixed_biscuits

mixed_biscuits

_________________________
thirdform said:
there is a famous turkish proverb

'doğru söyleyeni dokuz köyden kovarlar'.

which translates to they exile the truth teller from nine villages.

We also call chatterboxes who are always in everyones faces interfering with peoples business maydonoz (parsley).
Click to expand...
Yes, Liniment is making his own personal Bluesky. Why parsley? Is it overused in Turkish cooking?
 
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