Resolutions you'd have kept this year if you'd made them

[Corpsey]

1. Play "Balatro" for hours every day, relentlessly chasing the dopamine hit of building the perfect deck. Play it for half hours at a time on the loo at work, thereby further eating into your already paltry hours spent actually working.

 

[Corpsey]

2. Grow a monstera deliciosa to a modest size, the hieight of a five year old child, let's says