Grief

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okzharp

Well-known member
Four people have gone this year.

My wife's dad. Absolutely lovely man. Force of nature. Don't-make-em-like-that-any-more Peckham Italian bare-knuckle boxer, hustler and prodigious smoker/drinker/eater/etc. Knew where the button was. Danced with death all his life. 6 excruciating weeks between cancer diagnosis and kicking the bucket.
An old mate died in a car crash. His car was found smashed on the side of the road but he didn't have a single cut or bruise on him. No explanation.
A guy who came and fixed the bathroom last year and became mates, had a heart attack on new year's day. 3 young kids and wife and was turning his life around.
An ex took her own life, we hadn't spoken for a bit and she was often on the edge, we had a couple of strained interactions recently, dredging things up.

Also, I was clearing out a box of stuff and I found a photo of a group of friends when we were all 13, two of them died in our late teens. Strange delayed judder.

Grief is a strange and textured thing. The tidal sway of longing and resignation. The judder.
 
Corpsey

Corpsey

bandz ahoy
I'm lucky to have mostly avoided it in my personal life, other than the standard grandparents and a pet. And I'm 40.

I am constantly in denial about how close the time is when I will be grieving (assuming I live long enough).

Three of my closest friends have lost a parent in the last few years.
 
IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
My cat died on Boxing Day and I cried for like three days straight. He was such a good friend to me always affectionate, seeming to know when I was down and sitting on me and purring to make me feel better.

I came to England for Christmas left Karl with a friend and I was missing him, then on Boxing Day she phoned and said he was acting weird, she took him to the vet and then the pet hospital and they said they had to operate cos he had fluid in his lungs - and then he just died.

I couldn't believe it, he was four years old and had never been ill in his life. I felt so bad thinking about him there in the hospital not knowing what was happening- it's like he was there for me but I wasn't there for him. I know everyone there did everything they could but... I personally feel guilty.

Yeah just a cat but... just really sad.

Then a week later found out my gf or ex or whatever she was had died.
 
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0bleak

Well-known member
I'm kind of bracing myself with so many parents (I'm including step parents here) and aunts and uncles that have taken a turn for the worst in the last year or so, and some of those people having kind of several "close calls" and/or being in back in the hospital (I'm starting to dread calls about my dad) but hoping the inevitable can and will be delayed as long as possible.
 
IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
You can't escape it can you. Was really lucky in that all my grandparents made it to 90 or even 100 and so I had no experience of losing grandparents like almost everyone else does. And then in about two years all four. Delaying the inevitable is all we got.

 
Murphy

Murphy

cat malogen
My Mum moved in with us recently, massive weight off but she’s had cancer multiple times and her loss will devastate all of us when it inevitably comes. My Dad was quick. Diagnosis, did his radium then rapid as fuck. We were all in his hospice room when he checked out. People wrote “I hope it was peaceful” and it was but not before the worst levels of pain I’ve seen anyone in. “We don’t believe in sedation” was one jr dr’s appraisal, really really wanted to hurt that cunt badly, so deployed my own source

Lost a bunch of uncles and cousins in The Troubles, some the epitome of innocence and all their funerals hit hard because they were all so young. Being around cousins from the US who understood the politics, just not the meaning of loss yet. Blown up, shot, shot, shot, so no open caskets

Woken up to dead friends in the room more than once way back in the long ago of horse riding. Blue lipped stillness, you try cpr but nada. It’s their stillness which has stayed with me, as it seemed utterly unnatural. Bereavement counselling can help, in its own way, by reframing loss. Nevertheless, we all have bodies on us. So it goes .. if you’re UK this crew are fuckin legends

www.cruse.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Support

Grief can be overwhelming - you don't have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support is here. Call our helpline or chat online.
www.cruse.org.uk www.cruse.org.uk
 
Murphy

Murphy

cat malogen
You have to sit with it in a room as everyone else yaks over something random

You have to walk with it around people’s old haunts

You have to run with it during 5-a-side

You have lift it doing weights

You have to drive it as a memory bleeds through behind the wheel

And you have to ritualise remembrance, partially. Because they all fade, all these faces which will never look you in the eye again. Remember the contrition of people who don’t have a say any more - a‘retired’ empty chair in your local no-one else will ever sit in
 
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